WIBU to not go for this job?

[jobblejobjob]

Need some advice... although not really sure what answer I'm looking for.

I've worked for a large organisation for 13 years. I've gradually worked my way up to a fairly senior position and I'm happy there; the job can be very stressful at times though and I often take work home although I try to limit this.

I'm currently on maternity leave with my FB. I go back in August but am naturally very anxious and upset about the idea of leaving my baby to go back to work. He will be 13 months when this happens.

Here's the dilemma... a job offer has come up within the organisation. It's a higher position for 12k more a year with more responsibility, development etc. It's the job I ultimately thought I'd want one day... just not yet??? I had planned to only go back 3 days a week as my priorities have changed, I want to spend time with my son and not put him in nursery five days a week. The three days has been agreed, but now this new opportunity has arisen. This job is full time, no negotiation. Would it BU to not go for it? Has anyone found it hard going back full time after Maternity Leave? Would I be setting myself up to fail? (All of this is obviously presuming I would get the job which is not at all guaranteed).

Any advice is welcome!

God don’t do it. You can get promoted later. This time with your baby will be gone so soon and you’ll miss it forever.

Take the three day week!!

Plus - don’t want to be negative but kids get ill ALL the time. You are going to take so many unexpected days off work to look after sick child who can’t go to nursery. It would be much easier in the less pressured role.

Agree with above. Kids are only small once. Full-time with a baby is exhausting. Do the 3 day a week job. The senior full time role can wait.

I agree don't do it yet , prioritise your child they grow up so quick . You can look for a opportunity in 3 years or so when started nursery school and have more time .

Is it a job offer or a job opportunity? The OP is a bit unclear on whether or not it's 'in hand' for you.

But either way, don't do it if you don't want to. I work full-time and have done since my DS was 6 months (he's 20 months now) and find it mostly fine - but it can be tough at times and I think it would be very hard to stick at if you didn't want to do it in the first place AND you knew you didn't have to.

You can look for a opportunity in 3 years or so when started nursery school and have more time

I would just note that people always say this on 'working with a baby' threads but on threads about going back to work once the children are at school people always say it's much harder to work full-time with primary aged kids than with babies or toddlers...

I guess it depends on whether you think the opportunity will come up again. If its literally a once in a career chance I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss it - it will be stressful and tiring but you can make it work and arguably its easier to work ft with a baby than with an older child. If you think there'll be others around the corner and you can afford to work three days then that would definitely be a gentler ramp back into work.

I gave up a really good opportunity when my DD was 1. Would have involved working full time, and away from home for some periods. Was really tempted but didn't want to miss that time with her.

A similar opportunity came up a few years later when it was the right time. I went for it and got it .

I'd say bide your time.

Thanks, this is exactly what I needed to hear.

Similar opportunities would come up again, albeit in a different place of work. I just didn't know if I WBU to want an easy life for a while when I go back as I've always been fairly ambitious but life has changed. I do want to see my son grow up and spend as much time with him as possible. DH seems to think I should be going for this new job as the old me would have jumped at the chance!

I think you should apply.

One, if you don't get the job you have been through the interview process which is a useful experience.

Two, having lived a lot longer than you I have seen many women never truly recover their career and then get divorced. It's not a good place to be.

Three, you don't have to work part-time to be a good parent. Many amazing parents work full-time, they get good childcare and get organised and subtly work to change work culture for everyone.

Four, if you want more children would you rather do that than working in your current job or from the higher position where you have more security and influence?

Points to consider at least.

It's probably not what you want to hear, but if go for it. Or rather, I did when I was in your position. Went back full time after dc2 to much more senior position. Don't regret it at all. Some key reasons

1. Realistically, PT at lower level of have been unlikely to get the promotion later
2. The higher wages meant I could afford the amazing daycare I wanted for them. They've both thrived there
3. From a mental health point of view, it's been great for me as I'm still me as well as a mum
4. With the higher level came greater autonomy, and flexibility to do school events etc
5. I'm preparing the ground to go part time in a couple of years. When I do, I'll be earning the same as full time on the lower level

I went back to work three days a week when my baby was about four months (mental health reasons). I've now had to go full time when baby is 8 months due to financial reasons and I hate it. I'm missing out on so much, she's growing so quickly and I'm worried I'm missing out on a lot of it due to either working or being so tired from work I'm just going through the motions. I say wait to go for the full time job for a few years unless it's not likely to come up again for years and years

I think you should apply then make a decision if you get offered it.

Gives you interview practice and will help you understand whether you want it or not.

In some places part time is harder than full time as you are expected to do the same job but in less hours and for less pay

What @CastleCrasher said, and particularly point 4. More seniority means more flexibility. That what I did and it worked out better for me.

I think you need to do what's right for you. If you find existing job stressful, then a senior one is likely to be more so. What level of involvement will your DP have with drop off and pick up arrangements- if his job is more flexible then that could potentially change things. Are you sure you will be able to do 3 days per week in your existing role ?

I agree with others that now is not the right time for you to go for the job.Stick with your 3 days a week job and a good work/life balance. I think the fact you don't feel "hungry" for it also suggests it's not right at the moment.

I'd disagree with the poster who suggested you could go for this type of job once your child is pre-school age - I think early primary is actually harder than early years in terms of juggling childcare and supporting your child. IME and that of others I've known, their energy/enthusiasm levels start returning when their child is around 7/8.

@jobblejobjob I’m currently on mat leave with ds2 and have just been through something similar. Was basically invited to apply for a more senior position that I was very likely to get due to certain criteria. After mulling it over a lot, we decided that the extra money isn’t more important to us than less stress! My current job is 4 days & flexible enough that I can probably work 3 days for a while.
I found the first winter after returning from mat leave no1 stressful due to an onslaught of nursery caught illness & teething. Trying to figure out a full time & more stressful job during that period again feels like too much.
Good luck OP, you are no mad at all to do what feels best for your family x

I recently had this dilemma, and decided not to apply as to do the job justice I’d have to work full time and give it my all.

I’m returning after 15 months and feel I need a period of easing back into work. I figured I’d find it stressful to hit the ground running in a new team with people looking to me for expert advice that’s is a dusty cupboard of my mind!

I work public sector so some flexibility wouldn’t be frowned upon but I know I couldn’t give my best just now.

There is absolutely no right or wrong. I think ultimately most mums find it hard to go back to work, especially ft. Some will then adapt to it and even find contentment in their job, whilst others hate it.

In the end, some mums however much love their children don't very much like what's involved in entertaining them ft and excel in their professions. They manage to balance the two very well and make the best of the extra money. Others either can't cope with the demands of both, and/or enjoy a more balanced life much better.

It's difficult in your position because you are not yet in a position to trully compare but from what you've written it sounds that you are very much enjoying being at home with your baby and don't miss work that much, so this would lead to believe that the job with more responsibility might not be right for you at least at this time.

Just to give another view...I went back to work part time after my first born, because everyone told me (including my boss) that it would be way too hard to go back full time. I actually found the reverse to be true, so I left and found a new full time role, and I was much happier after that. God that sounds awful written down, but DS went through a really hard stage between the ages 1-2 (I think not being able to communicate like he wanted frustrated him) and I found the days off SO hard. I cried a lot and work felt like a break

However he's a little legend now that he's a bit older, and I'd love to work part time again!

Agree with the pps that your baby will be ill ALL the time and you'll get lots of calls from nursery about him too ('just to let you know he's had a bump' etc). I think that would be quite stressful to deal with in a high pressure/new role where you're trying to prove yourself and make a good impression, even with understanding colleagues. Would that responsibility be shared with a dp?

Whatever you do, enjoy it and good luck

I think I'd agree with @CastleCrasher. Go for the senior role. Once you've got some experience at that level - and have achieved it - it opens more doors.

Also, what people don't openly acknowledge about promotion is that it often involves a certain level of mentoring/sponsorship from your management to put you forward or recognise your potential. If you dial it back, those people are going to acknowledge you have other priorities and they are less likely to tap you on the shoulder to let you know of opportunities or training that might be coming down the line. I've just gotten a promotion that I didn't think I was ready for, but my manager kept raising it in our 121s until I finally got the hint and applied.

I am working towards job sharing in the future and I've found a colleague at my level who is great and wants the same thing - but we needed to be promoted independently, so now we're at a place where we agreed we can give it a year and settle into learning our senior roles, and then job share for a few years if we want to. It's opened up more options to me.

If you have a second child, then bear in mind the harder time might not be with a lovely nursery from 7:30-6:30 every day, but when one starts school and you have to manage those hours as well as the nursery drop off. It was for me!

I'd be wary of being put on the "mummy track" at work, will you have the same opportunities if you are part time? Organisations have very short memories, and they may not remember the old ambitious you after a few years of kid sickness, leaving early and starting late etc.

I would say my career is only just getting back on track and dd starts high school next year. I'm earning about 50% of what my childless friends earn. It's tough. However I'm a single parent so with two wages I'm sure it's not as much pressure on you.

Completely up to you, absolutely positives and negatives for both jobs. If you feel like you would enjoy the new job then I would be tempted to go for it, try and save as much as possible each month, and then apply for part time when they start school; most places after a few years offer the chance to apply for flexible working after a certain amount of time, and seems hopeful if you had 3 days approved. I used to work with several people (men included) who worked either term time or school hours. You don't ever get this time back, but similarly with school events etc the demands are sometimes higher than when they're small. It would also depend to me what the policies were for taking time off if baby is poorly, the length of the commute, and the childcare options available locally. Realistically it is harder to get promoted when you are part time.

I think you need to apply. Applying is not the same as committing to the job, but I think it’s important to throw your hat into the ring. It sends a strong signal that you are still committed to your career. If you were offered it, you could still ask about part time/flexibility. True part time might not be achievable, but days from home, condensed patterns, are all worth thinking about. For example, how would you feel if someone else got the job and did negotiate a flexible pattern? I also agree that full time work is much much easier before school starts. As soon as you get into the chaos of primary school it’s much harder. I say this as someone who works a 90% FTE around nursery/school hours. When the kids were at nursery I condensed it so that I had three afternoons a week with them, now I work a 0.85 and have two afternoons off and 3 school days. This is mostly achieved by starting early and working through to a later lunch, but flexibility comes in many forms!

Nothing wrong with wanting an easy life, your priorities change.

I did exactly the same as you and went to 3 days a week. I'm now back up to full time my dc is 12 and I'm now looking at more senior positions as I now have the energy and time to put into them. Any decision you make now isn't set in stone, your dc will grow and have different demands on you. Nothing stopping you going for a more senior role later or even giving up work if that's what you want to do.

In your position I would prioritise work life balance and time with my baby. I know I would never lie on my death bed and wish I'd been the top dog at work or spent more time there - but I might wish I'd had more time with my children.

Work is work. If you left no one would remember you six months later - your relationship with your child is forever. If you needed the money then of course that's life but it doesn't sound like you do. You used to want to be promoted but you didn't have a child then. Life moves on.

Now if you were saying I'm bored being at home with my child and desperate to be full time/promoted/senior I would say "go for it!" but that's not what you are saying. You seem to be saying that you will feel guilty for not working full time /earning 12k more if you could. If you can afford to not do it and don't want to then don't feel guilty. Work is only a part of life not the be all and end all.