Don't want to fall out with closest friend

[awkwardsituatio]

Try not to drip feed so bit long

Around a year ago me and DP had a break in our relationship then I started seeing someone else. I really liked him and we spent some time together but I couldn't get over my DP so when the chance to get back together came I took it and now we have a DS together and our relationship is great and stronger then ever.

So now my closest friend has just split with her boyfriend and has informed me she's started talking to the other guy. Now I feel really uncomfortable about this because she's done something similar before and I don't know if I'm just being unreasonable or if I have a right to feel uncomfortable about it. She's always on and off with relationships and none ever last and I always get the impression she slightly jealous of my five year relationship and the family I now have but I don't want to fall out with her over this and I don't really know what to say to her. Any advice would be appreciated.

That is very odd OP, of both of them. I think though you will have to let them be as if you stop it she could hold it against you forever. Do you live in a very small place or something?!

Unfortunately there's not much you can say. If she has form then it's more about your friend than this bloke. He doesn't have a loyalty to you.

I'd smile and let her crack on. They're you're seconds, she must not think much of herself.

Or this could be her proper relationship and therefore just smile again and let her crack on.

But I don't get this unspoken rule about not dating friends ex's. Not if they're decent people.

@Marlena1 we do live in a small town but he doesn't live here he lives around half an hour away but they matched on tinder of all things 🙄 the thing that's getting to me is she knows how much I liked him and it was a difficult situation last year. I wouldn't be too fussed but like I said she's done something similar in the past. I really don't know how I feel about it all

@gamerchick it's not him that I'm fussed about it's the fact that she would speak to him even knowing the history between us and I would never do anything like that too her.

Yeah but you didn’t like him enough to want a proper relationship, in fairness.

If they did match on tinder then it’s coincidence?

There’s really nothing you can do or say that won’t make you look a bit neurotic, IMO. But that’s just me!

@OhCaptain she showed me his profile though and asked me if it was him and yeah I said yes she said oh I've matched with him I might message him and I just didn't say anything because I didn't really know what to say

It’s weird and not something I’d actively do to another friend, no. It’s not like they’ve unexpectedly formed a connection accidentally and fallen for each other....she’s actually pursuing him out of everyone on her tinder...

It’s weird and I wouldn’t do it but I don’t see what you can do about it!

Its not like she had a very strong attraction to him and asked if it was ok with you. She said 'is that him'.
This isn't something I'd do to a mate.

I would ignore it.
Your 'friend' sounds like she wants the attention and to play games.
Just show no interest and I think she will get bored of this guy pretty quick.

It's just really annoyed me like if they'd met randomly and started to see each other I'd probably of been okay with if it's more the fact of she's asked me if it was him and then is say messaging him in front of me. She does like attention and she's always centre of it I don't want to fall out with her over this but I would never do this to her so I think that makes it worse.

If she likes attention and being the centre of it then I’d just ignore, act not bothered....because chances are, if you said anything would she just relish that & do it even more? She doesn’t sound like a great friend. I’d distance myself. She cares more about her than she does you.

She wants attention, so dont give it to her. Rant and rave on here or elsewhere but keep it cool as when she brings him up.

With a bit of luck their date wont go well.

If it’s for attention then ignore, ignore, ignore!

Just because she’s talking to him doesn’t necessarily mean that it will go any further.......and he might be just as weirded out about it as you feel.......hopefully!!!

So she's currently sat saying "oh why isn't he replying" and "oh what should I say" and I'm just kinda like are you f*ing kidding me. He never got to meet her so he might not even know how me answer her are linked. We've been friends for years and I don't want to ruin that but at the end of the day I can't help but think why am I even bothered

Ignore her, see where she takes it.

Call me a dog in a manger, but I think I’d call her out on it and remind her how difficult this was. If she keeps pushing it, I don’t think she’s a great friend.

I find it odd. Sure she's allowed to and techinally he's not off limits. But it's weird imo.

I had a friend like this. She never dated anybody that I had but she would actively seek out men that had shown an interest in me and would obsess over my DP a bit. We're not friends anymore (for more reasons than the above mind!)

I think YABU
You obviously didn’t like him that much as you weren’t together very long and you dropped him for your ex

And you sounds quite nasty with the ‘jealous of our 5 year relationship’

They are both single.

She sounds about 11 years old.
Some "friend" isn't she?
You are looking at your years-long relationship with her through rose-tinted spectacles - in fact they are now a shade of crimson..

I'd invest my time in other friends who are more supportive and less self-centred.

If you only dated the man a short while she’s not really being U, although it’s understandable you feel uncomfortable.

She’s being U to talk to you about him, though.

You didn't want him, so she is welcome to him, right?! Leave them to it. Stay out of it. Focus on your family.

Really not a nasty person and if she'd just spoke to me about it and explained she liked him I wouldn't of been too bothered but they hadn't even started speaking before she was bragging about it. I did really really like him but me and my ex had too much history and at the end of the day it was too much to just throw away. I try to include her in things and invite her round for meals and out places because she never has a stable relationship and she does come off as jealous sometimes even my DP has commented on it in the past she even tried to force herself into the labour room when I had my DS but I put a stop to it. I just know if it was me I would never be okay with seeing someone she's slept with but she obviously doesn't feel the same.