To wonder does 3 children get better?

[Bedroomdilemma]

I feel like I just want to run away to be honest, I’m not cut out for this. 7, 3 and 4 months. No special needs, all adorable in their own ways but oldest 2 can be difficult. I just need to plough on but I want to run away! Only an option open to men!

They’ve been fighting and hitting since the 3 year old started having a mind and voice of his own - maybe around 2.5yo? The 7 yo is v gentle with the baby but the 3 yo can be overly rough in his affections which I have to watch. Does anyone else’s boys fight like this with each other?
I’ve just destroyed the side of my new car on the school run as well, exhausted and distracted by the crying baby.

My older two are boy and girl and fight like cat and dog so you aren’t alone! It’s flipping exhausting, the toddler tantrums and smacks, kicks her brother etc. Her brother winds her up and takes her toys/food - just absolute arseholes with one another. Toddler has never slept so I dread the nights, my house is a shithole there’s never enough clean clothes and I go through food like crazy. I’m just trying to make it through the first few years in the vain hope that soon it will get better.

TBH I think boys of that age will always fight /try to gain power over each other .You are tired and they seem to know when you are weary and act up! This time of year doesnt help with rain /cold/colds!.Maybe some football or extra activities for the boys ? Do seperately so one has attention from you, when you are home together and the other one out ?Not always easy I know with a babe in tow! Spring /Summer on the way so you will probably feel better then with warmer weather ,energy levels up .Sorry to hear about your new car ,but remember it can always be fixed ,no biggie!

Mine are now 17, 15, 12 so much easier now! Seriously, I found the first year after I had my third really hard. It seemed like she was constantly feeding and I had to get the other two to nursery/school etc.

I agree with the others about lowering your standards to get through this. Cook easier meals, lower housekeeping standards, skip a few baths for the older ones. Cbeebies is your friend.

Hmm if it does get easier then it hasn’t for me. I have 4 though. And same thing my 2 boys (5 and 7) fight all day long. I’ve found it’s got worse as they get older.

I have a 7, 5 and 10 month old and now we are in the swing of things it's not to bad, the only thing I'm pants at is keeping up with writing in the reading diaries and doing actual homework with them as I don't want the limited time I spend 1-2-1 with them doing homework

Bedroom dilema, don't worry about the car it can be fixed, try and sit down with a cuppa and relax!

21, 18 and 16

They get on beautifully, they enjoy each others company and There is always laughter

This has been going on for probably 6+ years...but it did require the oldest two to stop squabbling

I always found that for hours there would be peace and fun...and then one 20 minute argument later id quite forgotten the hours of peace, all i could focus on was The one argument. I tend to hold a grudge though

Hi OP,

I could have written your post - I was so overwhelmed by three. Yes it gets better, so much better. My DSis, who also has 3, told me she was unhappy until youngest was 4, then it all turned around. Sorry if that sounds bleak but it helped me to realise that everyone is overwhelmed and it gets better.

I found once the youngest got to preschool at 3, it all slotted into place a bit - although I still found it hard to juggle until he got a bit more sense.

Don't be too hard on yourself, try to get your partner to have the baby for some time every week so you can have some one-on-one with the 3 year old - my middle child was the one who suffered most emotionally and it has taken time for me to make him feel special.

Also, mine still fight (child 2 and 3 are boys, these are the ones who fight, it is usually the same sex children who fight most in any family, my DD just ignores the boys when they are boisterous).

The trouble is everything seems so much worse when you are sleep deprived. Once the baby's sleeping through things will seem much easier. Be kind to yourself,forget the housework and nap when the baby does. You'll feel much better for it

5,3 and 3 months here. Solidarity OP! I feel like a dreadful parent all the time. I spent an hour doing laundry yesterday. That’s what’s killing me - the massive amount of housework I have no interest in doing.
As PP said though, I’m co sleeping with baby and DH is in with 3 year old, would that help?

My dh is v busy this week so have barely seen him and he was away overnight last night which didn’t help. I already have quite low standards 😄 he has higher ones re tidiness so I try to meet him halfway and in fairness he does tidy when he’s here. I was in tears this morning just after the car, thinking I was a crap mum, but have the sick baby in a sling trying to tidy a bit more and try to feel better. It’s definitely hardest on the middle child definitely, I almost posted this last night but the eldest came in being really sweet when I was collapsed on the bed at the end of the day and the baby was grasping me in her sleep with her sweet little hand...whereas it seems all hard work with the 3 yo. I know it’s because it’s tough for him. I told him this morning that I will do anything he wants this weekend, just me and him and he just said play with him 😢 we played dinosaurs last weekend when dh had baby and that’s all it takes to make him happy.

I have 3 and 7 year old boys and the fights can be horrendous. It's usually when they're bored/tired. I tend to split them up after school now. School clubs are good!

don't know how you cope with a baby as well!

I promise you it gets better I have 3 DDs 7 4&3 there was 17 months between my two youngest. I found it really hard juggling a toddler and a baby me and DH would sometimes just look at each other in the midst of the chaos and say what have we done lol. My house was always untidy so don't worry about it people will understand if you can't catch up with housework. It's completely understandable to feel like you do I just wanted to curl up in a ball sometimes but it's much better now they are older. Do you have anyone who could help you with the older two maybe take them out for a bit now and then so you get time with baby?

Yes you are not alone! Mine are 8, 5 and 3 and it is really hard work - the younger two get very cross with each other and wind each other up a lot. 8 year old very reasonable by comparison! I think it will get better as they get a little older - I try to catch the rare times when they are playing nicely and praise them a lot for it, and carve out time with just one of them whenever I can (bizarrely the older two both seem to love doing the supermarket shop with me so we rotate that). I've found that middle one loves praise for being a kind big sister so I big her up to others if I notice her doing something kind for her little brother (e.g. I let her hear me telling her teacher that she had shared her toys really nicely with her baby brother this morning). She's often then kinder to him as a result. I try to help the 3 year old understand that he doesn't have to destroy whatever they're playing with in order to get their attention, but this is a work in progress! Solidarity from one house of chaos to another

Mine are now 22, 20 and 17. It was very hard for a while, especially as DS2 was DXed with ASD at 3yo. Trying to potty train him was the worst with a newborn. Much, much easier once DS2 was in school.

It has been fine since then, honestly, even with the SN. Always busy, always some club or event to taxi them to, but basically fine.

19,18 and 14

Barely notice I've got them tbh.

Children generally get easier once they’re nappy trained, sleeping through the night, not throwing temper tantrums left right and centre etc. You still have one or two in nappies, a baby who is probably waking up a few times during the night and a toddler who most likely throws the odd tantrum. It will get easier in about four years when they’re all at school .

Thanks for starting this post OP. I have 3 (age 6, 3 and 7 months) and I feel so short tempered, grumpy and resentful most of the time. The 6 and 3 year olds fight a lot, they will even argue and moan about which side of the buggy to walk on on the way to school. It absolutely does my head in. I'm sick of housework, sick of thinking about food, fed up of nagging about eating, clearing up the playroom. It feels like our weekends are just spent running after the kids - gymnastics, swimming, parties and there absolutely no time at all for me. Luckily for me the baby is really good bit of course I'm still up a bit in the night and breastfeeding so never ever away from them. I want to enjoy them but it's so so hard.

So happy to hear from most of you that it gets easier - what I hear from most people is that it's easy now and just wait till they are teens. I'm sure people just forget the relentlessness and boredom of it all, surely.

I had 3 under the age of 4. It was tough to start with but was a dream once the youngest hit about 3. I know that seems an age away but it will fly by. My eldest is now 14 and I now have a nearly 2 year old after getting through the tough stages - what was I thinking?!?!?
Anyway - you're doing great, it will get easier, at your stage I literally was all a lout just surviving the day.

Are you me? 2 years ago. I have 4 (one with DS) . Youngest is 4 now. It does get easier. At least I can go upstairs and put ear phones in to block the constant fighting, he kicked me up me hole etc. It's replaced by other problems but I get a full night's sleep. I still change the microwave clock (mine are not that clever) and get them to bed early. You will get there. Keep the faith.

PS make sure to turn of devices and get them to do jobs. Even the 3 year old. Get them used to it. It's fun NOT but eventually it becomes the norm and really helps, no way mine say they are bored as a job is worse!!

My 3rd is 4 months old and I'm not finding it too hard but can so relate to the older two squabbling. I have to be honest in that I have cut corners, I sleep with the baby because she wouldn't go down in the basket. Will also leave her sleeping in the car seat after school run to get on top of dinner prep. It might help to think to the future when all three are more independent.

Yes it gets so much easier. There was a thread the other day that asked if you knew what you know now before you had children, would you still have had them? As much as I have always loved them so so much while they were really little I would have probably answered no, if I'd have known how hard things would be I wouldn't.

My turning point was when the little one went to school, it just gave me time to breathe. They are now 11, 7 and 6 and I look at them every day and think how lucky I am, they really are amazing. All the tears and tantrums, the sleep deprevation, the fighting and whining was all worth it.

They're growing into amazing little people who I am so immensely proud of. Sure the oldest has her occasional moments with attitude but she's intelligent, funny and kind and the little ones still have the odd falling out but they are lovely kids doing well at school and I enjoy spending every day with them now.

Just hang in there the early years are the worst but they do pass

Yep gets easier. My two eldest are in secondary school now and youngest in primary.
They have their moments but mostly, they have lots of fun and get on.

The things that helped me are

Get them out every day when they’re young and on weekends once they get to school age. Even just for a walk somewhere. Don’t give them a choice. They’re just so much better behaved once they’ve been out.

Don’t get involved in their arguments unless you really have to. Then say something to both of them if relevant.
The amount of times I’ve said ‘I don’t want to know! Sort it out yourselves’!
In the long term, it’s helped my dc to relate to each other better. It probably depends on the dc though.

I don’t mind the tv but gadgets make my dc moody and argumentative so they don’t have them during the week. It’s something that they’ve got used to from a young age so it doesn’t cross their mind even though they love Fortnite.

Get dc involved in chores as early as possible. It takes the burden off you and teaches them responsibilities.

I have similar ages 7, 2 and 7 months. It is hell. This thread has given me hope even if it is many years down the line ...