To feel petrified after finding I'm pg.

[OhHuck]

(Namechanged as I know a couple of rl people who use MN and don't want them aware of pregnancy just yet).

Found out this morning I am pregnant. Hurray. Around 4 weeks +4 according to online calculations. Dh and I are over the moon but I'm starting to overthink and develop awful anxiety at the thought of going into labour and giving birth. It's silly as I have 1dc already and the birth was fecking awful quite painful but the memory was quickly replaced with that of baby cuddles and the overwhelming love I felt for DC.

Six months ago my BF (best friend) asked if I would be her birth partner and of course I happily agreed. Third child, previous natural births, no issues during pg, everything was going great until the very end and all hell broke loose. Without going into too much detail BF and baby are extremely lucky to be alive. She lost 4 pints of blood and endured major emergency surgery multiple times. It was a very traumatic experience and I recall a fear like I've never felt before. I can't even begin to imagine how awful the entire ordeal has been for her and she is still recovering physically. I've no regret being there as that is what BFs do and I feel it brought us even closer. But since this morning I keep thinking about it and what if the same was to happen to me, or worse. MRSA, overworked staff, underfunded maternity wards, incompetence, negligence, now the bloody Coronovirus. I know IABU but I'm really struggling emotionally. Argh.

I think it's normal to have these moments of panic. Thecworry around childbirth is a valid one.

Do you think that you would be reassured by the bookingvin MW if you talked it over with her? It's something that you need to talk through. Most births go well, it's a small percentage that need intervention.

You just need some techniques to think positive and not focus on what can go wrong.

Can you see a therapist/counsellor to talk these things through and come up with some coping strategies that will work for you? Your reaction is completely understandable, but their job is to help you exactly with situations like this.

Congratulations OP 💐 I Cannot recommend Hypnobirthing enough!! I had a traumatic birth the first time round and was petrified when we became pregnant the second time (even though it was planned) My husband organised private sessions in our home with a hypnobirthing lady and it was fantastic!! Highly recommended it!

I was also petrified when i first found out! I was driving back from the docs and had to pull over to cry then i couldn't sleep and had actual panic attacks! I even considered termination which thank God i didn't do! I was 40 when we found out. I had a traumatic birth and never had another DC which i regret so much.
Anyway you're not alone in your feelings op. Even the doctor laughed at me and said it was normal to feel this way!
Congratulations btw hope it goes well for you x

What a brilliant friend you are! It's totally understandably that you'd be feeling anxious after seeing what your friend went through. I echo PPs - raise these worries with your midwife and see if you can get some support (my experience was that mental health in pregnancy is taken really seriously by the NHS, so they should be able to offer something) and definitely look into hypnobirthing. Also try to remind yourself that the experience your friend had was very far from the norm. The vast majority of births are unremarkable and safe. You've got plenty of time to get your head around it, and I hope you get some support with the way you're feeling now. Congratulations on your pregnancy

I think sometimes after traumatic births the midwives tend to concentrate more on talking it through with the mother and getting her head straight about it all (which absolutely should be a priority) but little thought is given to the birth partners who witnessed such a traumatic event. I had a similar birth experience to your friend and a crash cart was called which only my mum could see due to the room layout, she was looking at her new grandchild, her daughter surrounded by medical staff, and then a crash cart ready to come in if needed. 8 months later she isn't totally over it and I don't think she ever will be, but when the midwife did the talk a few weeks after I asked my mum to be there and let her talk about it all and ask the questions she needed because I could barely remember it and just think well what happened is what happened so lets move on whereas she was still traumatised and had a lot of questions and needed a lot of things clarifying.
Perhaps your friend could call the midwives and explain that she needs another debrief for her birth partner?

Congrats OP, that’s wonderful news

Try not to focus on the birth, second births are usually easier. Every labour is different.

Good luck.

I think it's natural to be scared , even if you are thrilled. My first birth was not easy at all and I really wanted another despite it the second birth was a breeze I felt in control and knew what to expect and was able to relax into it . If it's becoming overwhelming I'd speak to my gp about it to get some reassurance . What happened to your friend was terrifying but it probably won't be your experience

That sounds so traumatic OP, it would be weird if it hadn't had an effect on you. Do you think you could benefit from talking it through with someone or some CBT or something to try and think about it differently? It's such a big thing to try and deal with yourself.