To wonder how/if people remain detached and unemotional

[lynnannebenfield]

I understand that everyone is different and we shouldn't judge by our own standards but I only have my own experiences of this so it's hard for me to understand others that are different

Do you think there are just some people who can remain emotionally detached, and do you think there's something wrong with them or it's just a personality trait

Specifically on this occasion I'm thinking of a few 'relationships' I've had which started causal/just sex nothing else, but I basically cannot help but become attached to someone who I'm being this intimate with, and although I can squash those feelings they do grow naturally the longer these 'relationships' go on. Obviously it's clear I am not made for this sort of thing but I just can't believe that people can remain so detached in these circumstances, literally just get their jollies and leave and not give you a second thought until next time they want something! I've known a lot of people like this and although I've asked them about it it's like trying to describe a colour to a colour blind person, I just can't conceive it!

Do people like this really exist or are they just kidding themselves?

I just find it interesting in all walks of life really when people can remain so unemotionally and compartmentalise, I am not like this so find it hard to imagine people being this way and can't help thinking it's not normal, because it's not my normal if you know what I mean?

I think there’s no clear cut room for everyone. Some people might have something ‘wrong’ with them, but others just have a clear separation between sex and attachment and can have have the former without the latter.

I personally have had a couple of one night stands with men who I haven’t felt attached to. They were good fun and I felt warmth and affection towards these partners but have had no interest in pursuing things further.

I think you’re right and it’s best to stay away from casual relationships if you find you become quite attached.

*rule

I think in the case of meaningless sex it's not that those people are able to be emotionless it's that they just don't like/aren't attracted to the person enough to want to be with them and form a bond.

So they don't, it's just sex.

I compartmentalise my work.

Otherwise I would spend my time rocking in a corner and crying.

So I just "flick" it off when I am not on the clock.

Some people have different emotional reactions to situations to you. They are still feeling emotions. Just not the same ones as you. Your feelings are not the official correct feelings.

Some people like casual sex. You obviously see sex as meaningful. Some people don't find it any more meaningful than a going out for a good jog.

I don't get agitated at work despite much stress. Why? I am good at perspective and long term thinking.

Do you really have all your emotions from all situations colouring all aspects of your life?

I think people can remain detached to a person they're having casual sex with if they have no real romantic interest in the person. People who are detached in every relationship, I believe have something wrong with them.

I can turn my emotions off when I need to, and just decide not to feel at that time. I think it's a response to trauma via my job tbh. I work in mental health so I have a fair idea of what steps I could do to help myself, but then I probably wouldn't be able to do my job.

I'd agree that people who exhibit no emotions at all and never form any attachments to anyone probably have some kind of pathology going on.

However for those of us who do feel emotions and form attachments our responses are all different aren't they? Also they change according to broad life circumstances and shifting perspectives.

In terms of the more narrow question " can people have sex without feeling lasting emotional commitment?" I'd say yes, they certainly can. I've definitely not been head over heels in love with everyone I've slept with. I've enjoyed being with them for what it was though so I wouldn't class any of it as meaningless.

I'm pretty good at compartmentalising things on the whole. And keeping things together when others are losing their shit.

On the other hand, I couldn't do the friends with benefits thing, because I find sex emotionally bonding. And I don't tend to want sex with someone I don't feel an attachment to. It would be a recipe for disaster for me.

We're all diifferent.

I’ve always been able to separate sex and emotions and have had some great ‘friends with benefits’ type relationships. They can work really well if you both have the same approach, and are safer than one night stands (no judgement, had a few of those too).

For me sex doesn’t need to be any deeper than having a good time together.