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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It's a long one, sorry.

9 replies

HerRoyalCarbyLess · 04/03/2020 20:24

Fucking bastard ex.

We were together 12 years. Have 3 kids.
Circumstances mean he sees them at mine. He lives with his mum who is not safe for the kids to be around.

He pays me £50 a month maintenance which goes directly to a joint loan we had and the rest of the debts we split evenly.

He has been buying junk for the kids, and for me, not that I accept it. He then moans I haven't accepted his offerings, so I give it to the kids.

Yesterday he complained that he had hardly any money left and asked me for £10 to cover the junk he had bought that week. I told him I couldn't afford that but would give him £5. So I transferred him the fiver.

Today he started sending messages. Originally asking about a party DS1 has been invited to, then got onto money, asking where all mine had gone (er, I have rent to pay, 3 kids to raise and I'm not getting a free ride off mummy)
And kicking off about all the stuff he had bought. So I sent him another fiver and said we're even. Drop it.

He carried on, kicking off, basically wanting more money. I asked if that's what he expected and he said the £10 was just for this week Hmm

Pretty sure that he's meant to pay me for the kids, not the other way around considering I'm the resident parent and he only sees them 10 hours a week!

Anyway, I told him I would only speak to him from then on regarding the children.
He carried on sending messages, basically telling me if I'm that skint to not buy takeaways (I bought a takeaway last weekend for me and the DC as a rare treat and they mentioned it to their dad) and shit.
As if he still has a say in my finances.

AIBU to think he's still trying to control me and to ignore him unless it's about the kids.

(I know I'm not. I just need to vent.)

OP posts:
Whyhaveidonethis · 04/03/2020 20:28

Oh ffs. What a knob. Why is your maintenance paying off a joint debt?

FWIW my ex doesn't pay any child support either but he does pay for after school club. He also had the balls to tell me not to buy takeaways when I moaned I was skint. I told him to FO

HerRoyalCarbyLess · 04/03/2020 20:30

It's paying off the joint debt so it's paid off quicker. And so the twat doesn't moan that I get so much more money than him. Which he has done. He doesn't seem to grasp that 3 kids and one adult cost more money than a single adult.

OP posts:
Namechangeforthegamechange · 04/03/2020 20:30

I don’t know why you gave him money! If he couldn’t afford it he shouldn’t have spent it. Get CMS onto him, he’s getting away Scott free. Yanbu being pissed off but stop letting him control you. 10 hours in your own home is a lot, personally would cut that down or arrange contact centre visits unless of course you are able to get out etc when he’s there

Cherrysoup · 04/03/2020 20:31

Go to cms and tell him to stop buying fucking junk. What is he playing at? Wanker.

HerRoyalCarbyLess · 04/03/2020 20:32

I don't go out when he's here, just upstairs. I don't trust him in the house. He has form for breaking things on purpose. Such as DS2s tablet. (I made him replace that)

The ten hours constitute 3 hours on a Tuesday, 3 on a Thursday and 4 on a Saturday.

OP posts:
ForraM · 04/03/2020 20:36

Why is he paying so little? Does he not earn any money?

HerRoyalCarbyLess · 04/03/2020 20:39

He starts work this week.
He was a SAHD. Not that he did much parenting.
I had to quit work when he left due to lack of childcare and the fact my health has massively deteriorated.
I have severe mental health problems, EDS and under investigation for arthritis.
I'm 28 Sad

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 04/03/2020 20:40

Yesterday he complained that he had hardly any money left and asked me for £10 to cover the junk he had bought that week. I told him I couldn't afford that but would give him £5. So I transferred him the fiver.

There's your mistake right there.

Fuck him right off if you have 3 kids to bring up. He's using you.

HerRoyalCarbyLess · 04/03/2020 20:41

Iflyaway
I agree, but he has form for aggression and I wanted to keep things calm for the children.

OP posts:
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