who is being unreasonable?

[halfsoaked]

Person A has known Person B for several years but doesn't know Person B's parents. Person A hears that Person B's mother has died. Person A doesn't contact Person B as they haven't seen each other for a while and aren't really in touch but get on well if they bump into each other. They used to be friends and go out and socialise but life went in different directions.

Is person A being unreasonable not to have got in touch (YANBU)
or
Is person B being unreasonable to be annoyed that they didn't (YABU)

Personally I would get in touch over the death of a close family member. Just because you don’t always see someone doesn’t mean you can’t acknowledge a bereavement.

I don’t understand your voting, but Person A should have got in touch.

I'm not sure why person B would expect person A to get in touch if they're not in regular contact, and person B hadn't told person A of their bereavement. How did person B find out that person A knew of their mother's death?

I would have thought the death of a parent is reason for even an acquaintance to send short condolences. Quite unfeeling of A.

Person B told Person A's wife.

YABU - Person A is unreasonable
YANBU - Person B is unreasonable

If person B told person A's wife, then my view changes - I think person A should have got in touch. The reason being that telling A's wife would usually be seen as as good as telling A.

I'm very confused by your voting. What's written in your original post is different to what you wrote in the thread.

Anyway person B is being unreasonable. As you said life went in different directions, people move on.

If they bump into each other on the street I'd expect person A to acknowledge the death but I wouldn't expect more than that from someone I haven't seen in years.

yeah, I messed up the voting so I've asked MN to remove it.

Both unreasonable. Person A should have sent a message or a card, but it's not really worth Person B getting annoyed about it.

But did the wife not give condolences on behalf of both when told?
They could be seen as UR not to get in touch, but it is equally UR to expect them to do so and be taking a huff that they didn't.
Perhaps person A regards condolence giving as already being done by wife, and does not want to distress person B and is nervous of saying the wrong thing. Many people have no idea at all what to say or do, so decide to do nothing. It's a bit crap, but would understand how it can happen with someone who has never lost a parent themselves.