To regret leaving my exh

[Yellowtable]

I don’t know why as he Annoyed me. I left 2.5 years ago. Iv been dating someone new (Both have children) for 18 months but it just doesn’t feel the same. new bf is lovely but I miss the familiarity and just don’t feel as much of a team as I’d like. I still feel lonely at times like I’m doing life alone.
Something is missing from my new relationship and I can’t put my finger on it.
I don’t think I could go back to my exh but miss what we had I guess. I’m not sure i would leave again knowing how hard it is to move on. He wasn’t even very nice to me, yet I’m still finding it hard.

Maybe this is because your current BF isn't the right person for you?

Just because he doesn't tick all the boxes, that isn't a reason to want to go back to your husband, who you left for very valid reasons.

I hope you find someone soon. This one isn't he.

I've been there op. Please don't do it!
I'm stupidly experienced in this matter, believe me!
If you new Bf isn't making you happy then ditch him. Don't stay in another unhappy relationship cos you're lonely or "he's not that bad?"
Find other ways to make yourself happy, new hobby maybe? Sounds cliched but you need to find your happy place, and it could be all manner of simple things, and all the rest will follow.

It’s a sign your with the wrong man....

Your current relationship has ran its course. Now you are looking back on your ex with rise tinted glasses.

Every time you have regret, think of an incident were he wasn't kind to you.

Sounds like neither are the right person for you.

I can imagine it takes time to get that familiarity but after 18 months if it is not right then move on.

Maybe look at being happy with yourself on your own before looking for someone to fill the void

Although your current relationship sounds dissatisfactory rather than bad, it is better to be on your own than in a bad relationship and continuing a relationship that just isn’t doing it for you will in time turn to resentment because of the time you have wasted.

If this was a newer relationship I would suggest give it time but after 18 months I think you know it has run its course

Is it not harder to find that familiarity because we both have children and have the extra stress of going through both of our divorces at the same time? Or would it be there now?
I also struggle that he is friendly with his exw and that I’m not with my exh. They often chit chat about stuff and she shares a past I don’t have with him. I know it’s better to get on but it does make me feel like I will never be his best friend and the one he turns too or talks to first because of their experiences they had together and the children then share, I know I shared my experiences with my ex but as I rarely talk to him then it doesn’t feel the same.
Do you think it’s just my jealousy that’s stopping me feel closer to him? Or the fact I come out of a controlling abusive relationship and that it’s now learned behavior that I’m putting on new bf in my mind?

I think it is hard to move on sometimes .The fact that he is friendly with his ex ,probably makes you feel a little excluded ,and you wishing you had a similar bond with your ex too .This is natural I think and will ease in time .Whenever there is a second marriage and DC involved this is likely to be the case.I read somewhere that a lot of people regret getting divorced .However whether they would like to remarry them is questionable I think ! Its probably rose tinted glasses playing tricks .See how it goes with your new DP he sounds great ,but if you feel its not "right" then you can move on a as well.

Thank you @dottiedodah. I do think it makes me feel a bit excluded and yes I do wish I had married a man who I’d want that bond with, however I don’t think I would of left him had we had a good relationship and struggle to see why she left him in the first place when she now insists on being good friend, knowing what the dating scene is like, I worry incase she wants him back at some stage and he goes because it’s easier and for the sake of the children.
The whole thing makes me a bit insecure so keeping my heart guarded and it’s not who I normally am, however iv never been in this situation before so not sure if it’s all normal or I’m just being crazy

There are a 101 reasons why your Dp and his exw weren’t able to make a go of the marriage. Everyone is different.

Equally just because you found it hard to date, his exw might not or it might not be her number 1 priority.

I know enough single mums who unless Brad Pitt landed on their doorstep declaring his undying love and showered them with money and jewels they just wouldn’t be interested and even then he would have to fit in with their life.

They aren’t actively looking for anyone.

I think you are too invested in wanting to be part of a couple and think every other person is the same.

Yes you can be aware of the conversations they have but has his exw ever made you think she wants her exh back or Dp ever thought he might want to get back with his ex

There were reasons they split and those reasons probably still exist today

Couples who divorce can still be civil and even friends it doesn’t mean that they want to jump into bed with their ex

I can completely empathise with this. My exh was unkind too and yet I have a pang of pain about the way my life has changed. It's 5 years since I left... If I had my time over, I don't think I'd leave either. I'm loads happier but it's still really hard, especially when you have kids 🙁

@Oliversmumsarmy she is in a new relationship but it’s not that great sometimes, she sends my bf inappropriate messages I guess when things aren’t great in her home. For example a selfie on a night out or flirty messages with a wink when she knows we’re away for the weekend. A bit like she wants me to see them so it causes an argument, he just says she’s trying to show power and he didn’t reply (not when he’s with me anyway)
I don’t think she wants to jump back into bed with him, it’s the lifestyle they had between them that would be the draw as she can’t have it with what she’s has now. She tried to arrange for a family holiday like 9 months ago, saying they kids would appreciate it, so just the 4 of them. I said that it’s not appropriate and suggested that me and my children also go and we can all be friends (she went mad and said no) so I said if that’s the case and he wants to maintain a relationship with me then he can’t go and so we went in holiday the 6 of us.

@Grumpington thanks for the reply, it’s hard to explain as I know I’m happier with my exh but I miss so much about being married yet don’t actually want to marry again. There was so much wrong with my marriage yet I miss that connection and that feeling that someone will be there for you no matter what, it’s something I’m missing from my current relationship and I might be purposely keeping my emotions in touch for the reasons I mentioned.
It’s so hard juggling now I have children, knowing what’s best and when to make big decisions. Like should I move in with new bf? How would that effect kids and would it make me feel better?

Well that is different.

I think your bf is right and he can see right through her.
It is a power thing

Instead of being jealous and starting an argument could you not look on her with pity for someone who is trying too hard to get back what she once had.

Personally though I think you might need some time on your own to actually get to know you rather than trying to jump into another relationship. Give the dating scene a miss for a while.

You seem jealous of his ex yet in the next breath you are saying you were happier with your ex.

Might be difficult questions but if he did get back with his ex or moved on to someone else would that be such a huge deal as you don’t appear to be in love with him.
Or
Are you wanting what you can’t have and projecting these feelings, rightly or wrongly onto his ex.

You sound a bit traumatised. What kind of support did you have after exiting the abusive relationship?