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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - DH's business or mine?

49 replies

alphasox · 04/03/2020 14:51

My hubby and I both work for ourselves. He's a creative type and I help him out with his back office (in addition to having my own business and projects). At the moment his company is going through lots of change which is putting massive pressure and extra work on me in terms of sorting finances, payroll, HR etc. It bores me to tears, and I don't want to do it for him (it was ok when it started and I was occasionally writing him a letter or paying an invoice, but it keeps growing). However if I don't do it he's in the shit as he just hasn't the skills at all to deal with this stuff (as I said, he's the creative strategic one, can't work out simple accounting to save his life!). Unfortunately my own work is exceptionally busy at the moment, but with stuff I love doing. I'm stressed due to the workload but I will get through it.

What's really pushing me over the edge though is DH's constant demands that I do stuff for him, and it always needs doing Right Now. It doesn't matter how much I tell him I am overwhelmed with my own job he just keeps pushing more and more onto me from his side. He's completely in his own head only thinking he's the one under pressure.

I can't work out the best solution. I want to say he should actually just hire someone to do what I do for him, but tbh his business is not all that profitable at the mo, so paying someone to do what I do would probably mean he gets a tiny pay packet... which ultimately impacts on me again as I am forced to earn more to cover our house and family costs if he can't.

The more I write the more I'm not even sure what it is IABU about. AIBU to tell him to stick his work and get someone else to do it and put my own work first? How can I resolve this?

OP posts:

Isithometimeyet0987 · 04/03/2020 16:28

Hire someone I have a secretary who does a lot of the admin at my Performing Arts school, if he can’t afford someone he’ll have to learn.

BIWI · 04/03/2020 16:28

@alphasox

At the moment his company is going through lots of change which is putting massive pressure and extra work on me in terms of sorting finances, payroll, HR etc.

If you're dealing with payroll and HR this would imply that he already employs other people. In which case, why can't he employ someone else to do the back office stuff?

If his business isn't profitable enough to support this, then I'd suggest that he needs to look at his business model as it's clearly not working for him right now!

DonPablo · 04/03/2020 16:30

Is there something he could do for your business so its a trade off?

HunterHearstHelmsley · 04/03/2020 16:33

Agree with giving him some of your stuff as a trade off. You're both busy. If he won't scratch your back then don't scratch his!

FizzyGreenWater · 04/03/2020 16:41

Tell your selfish twat of a H to fuck off and grow up and learn to do the boring stuff like everyone else has to, 'creative' or not?

If he's of normal intelligence, you bet he could work out how to do this stuff. If he really really CAN'T - it's because he's thick as shit, not because he's 'creative'.

Option 1: Husband is a thicko.
Option 2: Husband is a selfish arse who doesn't need to do the boring stuff entirely because he's worked out he has a live-in mug who will do it for him.

Now - his attitude (getting ever more entitled) suggests it is 2.

In which case, sharp lesson needed now.

No more admin.

When he complains, call him thick.

FruityWidow · 04/03/2020 16:46

Hire a virtual assistant. They can do all this stuff freelance.

AryaStarkWolf · 04/03/2020 16:49

Option 1: Husband is a thicko.
Option 2: Husband is a selfish arse who doesn't need to do the boring stuff entirely because he's worked out he has a live-in mug who will do it for him.

This is it really, bookkeeping is boring as fuck but it isn't that complicated......it's sounds an awful lot like these husbands that are "really bad" at housework

DesLynamsMoustache · 04/03/2020 16:53

If his company is big enough to have a payroll, then investing in a proper bookkeeper would be a sensible idea.

Part of running a business is managing your own finances or paying someone else to do so if you can't/don't want to (although I think people generally should have a decent knowledge of their own business accounts and how things work). I am awful at numbers and calculations, but I had to put my big girl pants on when I started my business and learn how to do it because it was my responsibility.

MitziK · 04/03/2020 17:05

If he can't bother his pretty little creative head with such banalities as finance and making a business pay, perhaps he should go and get a proper job instead?

Oblomov20 · 04/03/2020 17:13

AryaStark:

"bookkeeping is boring as fuck but it isn't that complicated.."

I disagree. I like it. Finding someone who really knows what they are doing, final accounts, payroll, isn't THAT easy.

TheSmelliestHouse · 04/03/2020 17:18

Tell him to Hire a wfh book keeper.

AryaStarkWolf · 04/03/2020 18:43

@Oblomov20 I do it myself and I think it's both boring and easy

SnoozyLou · 04/03/2020 19:12

He needs to either learn to do it himself or pay someone to step in. End of story.

chatterbugmegastar · 04/03/2020 19:22

He's really disrespecting you. I don't think you should put up with it.

dustibooks · 05/03/2020 16:28

I think it's both boring and easy
The simplest bits of book-keeping are straightforward and dull. And also extremely easy to fuck up big-time if you think you know what you're doing.

tryingtoloseweightnow · 05/03/2020 16:47

If it's not profitable and it's causing so much work then it's just not viable. He'll need to get another job.

RainbowMum11 · 05/03/2020 16:49

This is exactly what I have set up as a freelancer to do - help small and micro businesses to do their back office stuff, payroll, book-keeping and accounts etc so they can focus on doing what they are good at.
I'm sure if you ask on your local facebook selling sites for recommendations, you will find someone who can work ad-hoc supplying business support services - you don't necessarily need to employ someone.

Dozer · 05/03/2020 16:51

His behaviour isn’t on.

Focus on your own business. Lots of small businesses fail, having all your eggs in one basket is a bad plan unless money isn’t an issue for your household.

He can either work on his skills or hire someone flexibly: if he can’t address this his business will fail.

pinkyredrose · 05/03/2020 16:54

What is his business? Why did he start it knowing that he couldn't do all the roles necessary to running it?

BrimfulofSasha · 05/03/2020 16:59

He needs to get himself a virtual assistant.

pinkyredrose · 05/03/2020 17:14

How are things OP? According to your other threads, a yr ago you hated the sight of your husband and were moaning about how lazy and miserable he was and about how he ruined Christmas and ignored the kids. Plus he makes fuck all money and does fuck all except go on Playstation.

Honestly it sounds like you'd be a million times better off without him.

AngelsSins · 05/03/2020 18:45

He either employs someone to do it, or if he can’t do that, he learns to do it himself. If neither of those options are possible, then it’s not a viable business. The solution is not for you to be his free PA whilst trying to run your own successful business.

mrsmuddlepies · 05/03/2020 19:00

Are you named in any way as part of the business? For example. are you a director? If you are adamant it is nothing to do with you, send him an email telling him. If however, you want a share in the profits if it does really well or you split up, you might want to rethink.

Lolapusht · 05/03/2020 19:05

Send him links to VA sites or ask in your local FB groups for someone that could do a few hours ad hoc admin support. There will be LOTS of SAHPs who would jump at the chance. He doesn’t need to employ anyone and can get help as and when he needs it with no commitment.

You have a business that is suffering because he isn’t running his properly. If he doesn’t want to do the slog of owning a business it’s up to him to out things in place to deal with it, not yours.

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