My DS (12) is in the first year at secondary school and has been talking about wanting to die/commit suicide for the last couple of months. He's had some issues with anxiety before but has been doing well and seemed to be really happy when he started secondary school last term.
I've taken him to the GP who tried to refer him to CAMHS but I received a letter from the CAMHS team saying that they can't help him, despite him talking about wanting to commit suicide. The GP said that the service is so busy in our area they will only consider seeing a child who actually tries to kill themselves. Otherwise the GP just suggested getting him to do some sport or find something he enjoys doing. There was no suggestion of trying to diagnose him at all. I don't understand it - if an adult went with the same problem they would be assessed for depression and be given some kind of therapy/treatment, not told to get a hobby.
We went to see a counsellor but DS found it very difficult to talk to her and admitted afterwards that what he did say wasn't necessarily true, he just wanted to give her answers so she would stop asking him questions. He is very shy and finds it hard to talk to strangers so I'm not sure that this kind of therapy would help him. The counsellor said to bring him back if he asks to see her but that isn't likely. She did suggest that I get him assessed by a child psychologist to see if there is any underlying issue such as ADHD (possible) which could be exacerbating the problem, so he's on a waiting list for that.
I've also spoken to his tutor at school to make sure that school are aware but they didn't seem to have anything they can do to help apart from to tell him he can talk to them or go to the school nurse whenever he wants to - again, this isn't something that he would do out of choice because of his shyness.
In the meantime, I'm trying to make sure he gets enough exercise and fresh air and eats healthily, as well as keeping his routine after school quite fixed as that does seem to help, and limiting his screen time.
He has trouble sleeping sometimes and was up until 11.30 last night in tears telling me how much he wished he could die. He also told me that among his friendship group at school one child self-harms and a couple of them also talk about how much they want to die. I haven't met these children and didn't know any of this before. It sounds such an unhealthy set up.
I really don't know what to do to help him. I think I should talk to the school again about the children talking about suicide together to see if there is anything they can do to help with that. I don't know if I should tell them about DS's friend self-harming.
But apart from that I would like to feel I can do something practically that might be helpful. DS won't phone a helpline or even contact one online. He says he doesn't want to talk about it apart from to me. I'm struggling to keep myself strong for him but it breaks my heart to hear him so sad that he doesn't want to be alive and I feel completely helpless - I ended up in tears last night too.
Everything I've read online about mental health in children says 'talk to the GP' but that hasn't helped at all.
Is it worth me going back to the GP or maybe asking to see a different one? Perhaps a different kind of counsellor would be more useful if they focus on CBT stuff rather than asking him questions.
And what might be the best way to approach the school about the children talking about suicide? Is there anything they can do to help?
If anyone has had a similar experience or has got any helpful suggestions I'd really appreciate it.
Thank you.