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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it me or them?!

7 replies

IsItMeOrThemBeingKnobs · 04/03/2020 07:31

NC for this as I know a few of my friends are MNetters.

I’m not sure if it’s being being U or if I just have useless friends.

It was a big birthday of mine a couple of weeks ago and only half of who I thought were my friends came to my party last weekend. Others had really poor excuses like they were just seeing other friends. I thought they were just going to come and surprise me, but they just didn’t turn up at all.

I’ve been really excited as we have just moved house too and have sent a few messages about it but got no reply. I was hoping at least some of them would want to come round and see it. No one has asked me how it’s going or anything, I feel like I have to chase them to even get any conversation.

It’s only been this way for the last few months and before that everything was amazing, we would talk often and see each other every other week or so. Now it’s just gone dead. I feel so isolated and lonely. These people have been my friends for 20+ years and now I feel like I have no one.

It definitely feels like I’ve done or said something wrong. Maybe I was too excited about moving? Maybe I seemed braggy? Although I was conscious of what I said and how because I know some of them struggle financially so I didn’t want to seem like I was bragging.

I would normally just speak my mind and bring up issues right away, but this situation has got me feeling so stuck. I’m worried if I bring it up then they’ll distance themselves even more. If that’s even possible.

AIBU to expect some level of communication or should I just cut my losses and realise they’re not friends? I feel so lost.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 04/03/2020 07:34

How many friends are we talking, is this one group?

Did they send a card etc?

Was the party at your house?

IsItMeOrThemBeingKnobs · 04/03/2020 07:37

A group of around 8-9, 4 turned up to my party and it was just at a local restaurant. No, no card or anything either.

OP posts:
IsItMeOrThemBeingKnobs · 04/03/2020 07:40

The thing is, they’re all still hanging around together every other week. It’s just me that has been excluded. I couldn’t go to a couple of our usual dinners over the last two months because of moving house but I said that I’d be free properly from my birthday weekend onwards. I’ve just stopped being invited it seems...

OP posts:
Mayhapitis · 04/03/2020 08:06

Did they genuinely have other plans already?

IsItMeOrThemBeingKnobs · 04/03/2020 08:11

Yeah I think they went to see other friends as it was on Instagram. It wasn’t an event or anything though, just a catch up. They had known about my birthday party a couple of months in advance.

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 04/03/2020 08:16

Can you ask one of the ones who came to your party if there is any issue?

xoxoluna · 04/03/2020 09:17

Did you do/say something that offended them? Maybe you didn't mean to purposefully but to them, it sounded braggy? You mentioned that one of them is in a difficult place financially, therefore maybe that's why she's not thrilled about you moving to a new home. Still, not a good reason to leave you out like that, but maybe the situation is really tough for her?

Not saying it's your fault, I would be hurt too if my friends did this and stopped inviting me to the gatherings.

Do you guys use a chat group to communicate?

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