Girl at work & Facebook

[MaleGuy]

First off, I’m not someone who makes a big deal over Facebook and I know everyone can do whatever they want with it.

There’s a girl at work who I class as a great friend. We’ve spent time alone chatting about our lives and we seem to have built a great friendship. She say she trusts me 100% and I do/did trust her 100%. She also says she’s told me stuff she hasn’t told other people. This made me feel good as it’s nice to feel like you can be trusted.

Because of this Iv told her stuff about my past I have never told anyone and never thought I would tell anyone. It was a huge deal for me to tell her this stuff. She’s helped me a lot recently through depression and encouraged me to see a doctor about it which I did today.

She knows I don’t go out much so a few weeks ago (around the time Caroline Flack was in the news) I got a messages asking if I wanted to go out with her and her sister one evening which I did. Afterwards she text me saying same time next week. I brought it up last week and she still said she wanted to do it. We agreed tomorrow night. I checked with her Sunday and she acted a bit like it never happened and said she’ll get back to me. She never has about this. Before Christmas we agreed numerous times to go out as friends but she often ‘forgot’ or just didn’t mention it closer to the time so it never happened. 4 or 5 times probably.

I was looking for something on FB this week so checked her page to see if it was her who posted and there is nothing there, it’s as though she’s blocked me (or more likely everyone from Work) from seeing her FB. I feel a bit disappointed when I thought we had built a friendship on solid trust and I’d literally told her everything about my life. I’m now wondering if Iv made a huge mistake and I was just being humoured this whole time. Why would she block me if she trusts me 100%? Iv seen her post loads of pictures over Christmas for example but everything has now gone.

She is in a poor relationship and I actually think she’s close to having an affair from bits Iv heard from phone calls etc. She helps out with another business our boss owns and she spends a lot of time messaging and ringing the manager there. Maybe that has something to do with it.

I guess I’m not sure if to bring it up. Like I said the blocking doesn’t bother me, it’s more the disappointment of potentially being humoured and lied to by someone i thought was a great friend. She did message today asking how I got on at the doctors.

Or is it none of my business?

I’m thinking I’ll just pull her to one side, tell her she’s been great to me and I want to give the same back and ask her properly if everything is ok and see what response I get

I wouldn't do any of that, just go to work and get on with your job. She's just a work colleague.

You need to back off. The signals she is sending are quite clear.

Plus you don’t know if her boyfriend wo to or be controlling or not. Losers like that are excellent at hiding it.

You're being way too intense. If you are male, as your user name suggests, then I'd say she is simply backing off and putting healthy boundaries in place. Careful you don't tip over into obsession and stalking territory.

It sounds like she's put you on restricted friend list, basically still a friend but one who can't see much on a person's profile.

Was what you told her scary or bad? It sounds like she's backed off from you. I wouldn't go confronting her at work about it.

Be careful who you open up and tell things to, not everyone is your friend. Especially work colleagues.

Maybe she didnt want you like posting. Ive recently had a clear out of people on facebook and removed someone whos been attacking everyone re brexit (shes a remainer). Her posts were nasty and horrible with photos of monkeys etc like see no evil etc. Anyway i quietly deleted her. Shes a family member and still unware about five of us deleted her now. Relationship continues outside Facebook. My dsis has totally closed down facebook. Facebook is a tool. Maybe she just using it for family etc. Yabu re judging a friendship on facebook.

Ask her, did you leave fb because I cant see your stuff anymore? You'll have your answer. Never trust anyone 100% unless it's your counsellor. I did this once with a best friend when we were no longer close, my abusive past suddenly became public knowledge. I would distance yourself and make new friends.

I know loads of people who block all work colleagues. It’s common practice for many people to separate the two.

You sound very clingy and besotted with this person. Believe me feeling like this about someone never ends well. I know you just want to talk to/see her because you get this high from it, but you have to consider her feelings. She doesn't feel the same. Stop going on her FB.

I used to be like this with a guy in my early 20's, Was beyond in love with him and couldn't get him out of my head, and would analyse every little thing when it came to our "relationship". He was (is) gay. It was never going to happen obviously! But I felt so close to him and we shared all our personal stuff etc.

He made me all these promises when he went to uni (went a year before me) we'd keep in touch, see each other at weekends. The reality was he went and cut me off completely. I was absolutely heartbroken. It really damaged me and is probably a contributing factor to why I don't have any friends 10 years later. Obviously I've learned from it all though.

For someone who doesn’t make a big deal out of Facebook, you’re sure making a massive deal over it. Sounds a bit immature no offence. It’s not like she’s blocked you in real life and ghosted you.

You’re at work to work. Stop creeping on your married female colleagues before you get a reputation as a sleaze. Change your username to something that doesn’t make you sound like a complete tool. HTH.

You can't trust anyone 100% so maybe try to drop that type of hyperbole from your thinking - that's the way to lose realism. Nor does it follow that someone will remain a close friend because you've told them lots of personal stuff. It sounds as though you need to step back a bit. I hope this doesn't mean losing a valued friendship, but be prepared for that possibility.

You're way too intense. If you're going to ask her, keep it light. "Have you left Facebook? Your page seems to have disappeared" Emoting over it is just going to make her feel really awkward.

If she is fading you, it's probably either due to the affair (you won't be her priority right now) or the fact that you're just too intense.

In all honesty I’d block you too OP. You sound incredibly intense and immature, I’d not want that in my life.

Relationship not great? Perhaps she thinks the grass is greener and is looking to have a new relationship, would explain why the relationship isn't great. Of course its the BF to blame, always is on MN.

If you suspect she's blocked all or most of the people at work perhaps she has decided its a bit too open having her personal stuff open to workmates and restricted it to family.

She say she trusts me 100% and I do/did trust her 100%. She also says she’s told me stuff she hasn’t told other people. This made me feel good as it’s nice to feel like you can be trusted.

I had a friend like that. She kept saying that I mustn't talk about her stuff with my other friend who lives across the road to hers! A real control freak! And she kept accusing me of gossiping with my friend about her. Don't waste time on this "I trust you 100%" and you and me secrets. Keep a friend, but don't believe in this rubbish.

@SureTry your point stands, in OP’s thread ‘Work Friendship’, he says We are both in unhappy relationships with kids in the OP.

Back off and be 'busy' yourself. See how the land lies in six months is the right way with this.

Far too intense, and I think you’re well aware that your feelings towards this woman are not purely platonic. I think a bit of distance would do both of you some good.

Dude you need to chill

@Tinkity Thanks for clearing that up in that case, I feel sorry for his DP. He probably acts like she doesn't exist.