I haven't told my DP that I can't orgasm?

[FoundTheCat]

I have a disability which means it's near impossible to have a orgasm. New DP of a year, is super attentive, loving and caring. I've been faking it. He really isn't doing anything wrong. It's me not him. AIBU by not telling him ?

Such a difficult one. Telling him could make him feel inadequate, put pressure on him, and then you, which can make the problem worse, but not telling him is dishonest.
Is the issue that you can’t climax only from him? That’s not unusual I think. You don’t say how old you are.
You also don’t say if you enjoy sex. If you do, I think I’d stay quiet, and spend more time having fun. There’s no law to say you must climax.

If you can orgasm though with difficulty then explore that. Stop faking.

We all have secrets, FoundTheCat. I know a lot of people will say it is dishonest not to tell your partner but my view is, if you are happy with your sex life, say nothing. If you do tell him the chances are he will want experiment and try everything to get you to achieve orgasm and what a pain that would be.

If orgasm isn't important to you - and it isn't to everyone, a lot of people prefer pleasure that has no beginning or end - forget it.

This post is real. I've been on mumsnet for over 10 years which I'm sure they will confirm.

I do enjoy sex. It's just bloody difficult to climax by myself or with DP.

I'd recommend to tell him. In fact in think it would be very strange if you didn't. You could be faking the rest of your life

Ummmm. Is there anything he could do or you could that would help you to climax? Or is it unlikely you’d be able to most times anyway?

Years ago I went out with a girl who had the same issue. She'd never orgasmed in her life. After the first few times we slept together she explained her problem. It changed my focus from trying to give her an orgasm to concentrating on the sensations she did enjoy.

She still enjoyed sex, just couldn't orgasm. Her telling me took away my feelings that I wasn't doing it right. I felt relieved when she told me.

Stop faking it, you're hurting him each time you do. But be prepared for potential hurt when you do tell him. He's well within his right to be annoyed in my opinion because you have been lying. Disability or not.

Not even with a vibrator? To be honest I wouldn't tell him. Men are often so insecure about these things and it might change things when you have sex. If you still enjoy the sex and it doesn't upset or worry you to fake it sometimes, then why not, for the sake of keeping him content and not complicating things or creating weirdness? A lot of women who can and do orgasm using vibrators etc on their own never orgasm with their partner. They fake it.

Have you tried orgasmic mediation ? Google
It
And apologies if that’s a suggestion you have tried already

I think it's really sad (in a genuinely sad way, not a sarcastic way) that you're close enough with someone to sleep with them but not to be able to talk about stuff like this.

I might be the minority here but I'd have talked about this stuff really early on, before sex, and wouldn't have been phased by it!

I think it's cruel you don't trust him enough to share something like this with him.