Dogs after breakup

[Chilobster]

I live with my ex bf and we have 2 (joint) dogs. I'm disabled and don't work and ex bf works full time. I hope to move out within the next few weeks and we are currently talking about the dogs.
He is saying he will keep both dogs and I should pay him to get dog daycare/walkers on top of share of food, insurance, vet bills etc. I can't afford this. I've suggested taking one each and keeping them in contact at least weekly. I am happy to facilitate this as they are both from the same litter - I'd rather not do this because they've been together all their lives but it might be more manageable. I love them both and want to keep seeing them both.
Alternatively I could take both although it would be a struggle. He is saying no to everything but him taking them and me paying him.

AIBU to think if he chooses to take them both then the dog sitting costs need to fall to him? It's a lot of money that we dont pay just now because I'm at home for them. I simply dont have the money and my health is poor so getting a job to fund their care isnt an option.

There's no such thing as pet maintenance. Whoever keeps them pays for them.

Can you share care of them rather splitting them up?

I took my dog when I left exh.
But I wouldn’t have risked leaving a dog with him as he was violent.

Even if he wasn’t violent I wouldn’t have left dog with him as he worked full time and I don’t think that lifestyle suits any type of dog ownership

I have friends who were in a similar boat and basically have an arrangement that they alternate weekends and weekdays with the dog and fit a schedule to suit their working arrangements. They only have the one dog so it was a bit easier. I think if you have one dog each you should only have to pay for the expense of the dog you have. If he wants Both to keep and you are not in a position to contribute financially, he should really cut you some slack, especially if you offered to take one!

Ideally yes, but I'm not sure how to make that work practically.

I know pet maintenance isn't a thing - but we've had them since they were pups so I dont know how to make this work. It feels like if I don't pay for half the sitting costs I'll never see my dogs again and I couldn't cope with that. They're both 7 just now so they're a massive part of my life.

You cant split them up- that is heartless.

We have friends who do a week each. The dogs move house not the humans.

Can you not have the dogs during the day and he collects them on his way home from work? If he’s having them no way you should be paying for a walker / dog daycare. That would be his cost.

The issue though is they would both need a sitter paid for his week - and it would seem he thinks I should pay half of that.

To be clear, I dont want to split them up, I just need to find an option that works for them and doesnt bankrupt me.

You shouldn’t contribute for his week unless he is expecting to need to contribute to Your week though?
If the dogs are 50/50 week on week off then it’s equal and no money changes hands

It’s down to him to fund dog care if he happens to work full time or he can reduce his hours (unlikely)

Can you have the dogs during the day and he has them at weekends/if you go away etc? Or even if you take them alternate weeks you're saving him half the daycare costs? I don't think you can split the dogs up, not at 7 years old.

Can you have the dogs during the day and he has them at weekends/if you go away etc?

I would be happier with that - I don't think him taking them back in the evening would work as he is constantly changing plans at the last minute which forces me to stay at home with them. He also doesnt drive so I'd have to do pick up/drop off all the time.

I guess I'm just glad I didnt have kids with this guy!

If you're at home all day then surely it makes sense for them to stay with you at least during the week. At least they would have company and be with each other. You can sign up to borrow my doggy as there are people who will walk dogs for free (if you can't afford paying for a dog walker).

You're trying to be too facilitating about this. Why does he have the option to say no to everything but you don't? I don't think you can split the dogs up after 7yrs so one of you has to take them and the other has some kind of visiting plan.

Actually his plan sounds perfect flipped, you have time, he has money. You keep the dogs and he pays you for their keep. He thinks you're in a weak position because you'll struggle with both but you still want to see them. What he doesn't realise is that he's highlighting that he's on the weaker ground because he can't provide the care they need.

Yes, that's true. I didn't think about it that way.

There are other issues, to be honest this is the tip of the iceberg. But the dogs are what really matter to me in it all, not the rest of it.