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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is dd being bullied?

16 replies

Peppapug71 · 03/03/2020 17:26

Please can anyone offer me any advice?

My dd is in yr 6. Obviously I’m biased but she’s a kind girl, pretty and bright, She has always struggled with friendships at school though I have no idea why. Recently, to encourage her independence, she started to walk to school by herself. She then started walking with another girl from her class. It was fine at first but the the other girl changed. Started ignoring dd then talking about her to others in the class. Calling my dd fat, boring, ugly. Sometimes my dd has heard her saying these things and sometimes other classmates are feeding it back to her. My dd is so upset and she is very anxious. She was diagnosed with ocd last year and although we were making progress with this, recently things have taken a nose dive - her hands are red raw from excessive washing (she does this when she is anxious).

I’ve been into school several times. I’ve seen the teacher, the class TA and the Head teacher. Dd is going to be seen by the nurture team but not much else is being g done. My dd says it would be better if she was dead. I’ve given this info to the school...... Nothing is being done.

Dd usually goes to school in tears and often comes home in tears. She is withdrawing from school - won’t go to the school disco this week, won’t do any clubs etc.

I’m out of my mind with worry. I’m in tears typing this. I went to school to see the teacher again today. Teacher pretty much told me that girls are cruel and that dd needs to sort it out herself and be more independent! Getting the impression the teacher is sick of me, she has refused to see me before. When is it a friendship issue? And when is it bullying? Several times on purpose.... isn’t that bullying?

I’m at the end of my tether. Any ideas? Thanks

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Mayhapitis · 03/03/2020 17:32

Of course if another girl is name calling the teacher should deal with it.

How many times has it happened? If it's a regular occurrence that another child is calling her fat and ugly I would escalate it to the head, if the teacher is not doing anything about it. Has the other girl been spoken to by the school at all?

Peppapug71 · 03/03/2020 17:33

No. They tried to say it’s not happening.

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Waveysnail · 03/03/2020 17:35

Girls are bloody awful. Seen this recently in last year of primary school that my son attends. They turn on each other, leave each other out. Schools tried loads of stuff to help. Honestly think that they get too big for their boots in last year of primary. I'd get her to focus on outside of school friendships so perhaps Cubs as it's more mixed etc

WombatStewForTea · 03/03/2020 17:37

I'm a y6 teacher and would class this as bullying! We go by 'several times on purpose'. School definitely need to sort this. Look at the school's anti-bullying policy (it'll be on the website) and I bet it will say that it deals with bullying or perceived bullying by the victim. Then go in and tell school they need to follow their policy.

Mayhapitis · 03/03/2020 17:37

I'd go over their head to the headmaster or governors then.

ConkerGame · 03/03/2020 17:38

I’m so sorry this is happening, it sounds awful. I would escalate to the Head and if nothing is done I would complain to the Governors and keep DD off school until it is sorted. She needs to see you sticking up for her (not saying that you’re not already).

Maybe look into separate counselling for your daughter too, to help her work through what’s happening.

relax2 · 03/03/2020 17:38

Could have written this myself. We have had 18 months of this. Not as much name calling but not letting her join in, moving tables when she joins a group , not letting her be a part of the group on trips etc. I've ended up getting a 3rd party involved now because school kept saying it's just girls but I'm not having it. Exclusion is a form of bullying too. Nasty kids . Hope your DD is ok. I have to say the things that have worked for us is we have a debrief when I get home for approx 15 mins where she can offload. She now has a teacher she can directly go to who is meant to help sort any issue and we are awaiting a cahms meeting about possible high functioning ASD as she like your DD is very bright and struggles a bit socially too however this isn't an excuse for nasty kids!

Peppapug71 · 03/03/2020 17:55

Thank you for your replies. I‘ve taken dd to the gp for help with anxiety but got nowhere. I also have a ds ages 15 with high functioning ASD. Dd was also assessed but was considered nt. I asked the gp to look again at ASD with dd but they said no.

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Troels · 03/03/2020 18:05

Write it down and send it in to the head and copy in the teacher. Make sure to say she's saying stuff about being dead, and she's been to the doctor. They can't ignore stuff in writing. Doesn't it all go on file for OFSTED inspections.

Skittlesss · 03/03/2020 18:10

Agree with Troels. My DD was being bullied and her teacher didn’t deal with it. It kept happening and my DH kept going in and seeing the teacher, but not resolution... so I emailed the head and she sorted it out the next day.

AuntImmortelle · 03/03/2020 18:23

Agreed. Write it all out in an email. Copy to teacher, headteacher and governor if possible. Refer to their bullying policy.

Make them clear how this is impacting your DD and how they are enabling this.

I have a DD who had this in yr 5 and 6 and it took an arsey email and meeting with the head to sort it as best as possible. Yes girls can be absolute cows but that is not a reason to allow it to continue.

Luckily my DD is a a completely different school to the others and is flourishing in Yr 7.

HugoSpritz · 03/03/2020 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Peppapug71 · 03/03/2020 19:46

Thank you everyone. I’ve just consulted the anti bullying policy online and emailed the Head quoting the policy. Fingers crossed 🤞 xx

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Skysblue · 03/03/2020 19:47

Switch schools asap, even if is a big commute. The school is not going to suddenly become a nurturing place and the other girl is not going to improve. This is not normal.

MadameMeursault · 03/03/2020 19:53

Your DD is saying she’d be better off dead and the teacher is ignoring it? That teacher does not deserve to be in the job. Head, safeguarding lead, governors - you need to escalate this OP. Flowers for you and your DD

Peppapug71 · 10/03/2020 21:19

A quick update. I’ve emailed the school and quoted the anti bullying policy. The headteacher and the class teacher spoke to the girl and she admitted everything. The teacher then did some restorative justice. The girl apologised to dd and said she didn’t mean it. They’re not friends exactly but they’re ok with each other. Most importantly dd is happy. She’s completely back to herself and happy again. Thank you all for your advice, I’m so grateful to you all for your help XX

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