Hello
I am looking for some perspective as I am currently crying my eyes out wondering what to do next.
I am the youngest of four and feel I have always had a fairly good relationship with my parents. However, things have become increasingly strained over the past two years.
For example, my parents will not call me or initiate communication. I phone every few days to catch up and always invite them over or visit them. I have raised this before and they just said they dont call anybody so not to take it personally. However, I know this is untrue as mum mentions in conversation that she called other family members and provides updates about what they are upto.
I also feel I am constantly giving if that makes sense. I invite and pay for them to go on holidays, meals out, special day trips for birthdays, buy gifts, make birthday cakes etc. I feel I am always trying to organise things to make them feel happy and included but I dont receive a thank you or appreciation. I know it is not about doing it for recognition and I'd rather not draw attention to myself, but I feel hurt that my other siblings don't do anything with my parents but are spoken of highly. For example, my siblings will buy a box of chocolates and a card for birthdays and the response will be 'thank you so much but you shouldn't have or you shouldn't have wasted your money on me', my partner and I try and spend time with them doing an activity of their choice, lunch or dinner out, birthday cake and gifts but sometimes not even a thankful. I dont think they are ungrateful people but I feel sad that our efforts arent recognised.
The straw that broke me today was I asked mum what she would like to do on friday for her birthday and she said she didnt know as she wasnt sure what anyone else would be doing. My partner and I have booked the day off work to take her somewhere special. We live 3 hours away and have booked a hotel for the long weekend to be closer. my siblings are all local to my parents but are in work and have never done anything for birthdays, birthdays cards etc get dropped in whenever is convenient rather than on the birthday. I explained that everyone was at work so we could do something for the day and still be home by 5pm in case anyone drops in but was met with a wall of negativity and that she will let me know when she hears what everyone elses plans are. She wont phone them to see as that would be interfering in their lives so feel a bit stuck in limbo and annoyed to have wasted a day.
My partner and I recently discussed visiting some wedding venues as we hope to get married within the next year. All three of my sisters had decent sized family weddings but Mum told me not to make a fuss and just do it in a registry office the two of us. We are both early 30s, never been married before and my partner is quite traditional and he would like a church and reception do.
I desperately want a good relationship with my parents but feel that I'm hitting a wall. I recently told my parents that I was feeling very blue at certain times of the month and felt I needed help. During this meeting they seemed concerned and suggested seeing my gp, but since returning home they haven't asked how I am or whether I have seen anybody. I'm not sure whether this is clouding my judgement but just wanted some impartial advice please?