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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DDs new friend

1 reply

strictlymomdancing · 03/03/2020 10:06

No flaming please as this is something I don't have a lot of experience of and I want this new friendship to develop as she seems a nice little girl.

DD has a new friend at high school (S1 in Scotland) who is from a low income household.

DD could do with more friends as her old primary crowd are drifting away. The wee girl seems a nice wee girl, polite and well mannered whenever I've spoken to her.

DD has tried inviting the wee girl to ours to hang out and stay for dinner but the answer so far has been 'no'. She doesn't have a mobile like the other girls in the class. DD invited her on a trip to Glasgow for DDs birthday but that was also a 'no'. We didn't know the situation at this point but the girl has opened up a bit to DD as the year has progressed.

DD says her new friend is entitled to free school dinners but won't take them due to the stigma / bullying and so goes without. So DD, being sensitive, is worrying about her and has given her a pound sometimes. DD worries her new friend doesn't eat properly. I noticed that DD is always hungry when she comes home so whilst its nice that DD is helping, I obviously want her to eat herself. DD also says that her new friend goes to school in clothes that don't match and gets teased about this too.

New friend does go to school every day and of course that is the most important thing. I know nothing about her family or whether there is a dad on the scene. There is an older sister at the same school who DD says is also nice.

I'd be keen to encourage this friendship, as she seems a nice little girl but I'm not sure how to approach this. I don't know the parents but I have spoken to the wee girl a few times and she does seem nice.

I just don't want to cause any embarrassment or put pressure on the girl if money prevents her from socialising etc outside the house. We would always pick her up, drop her off, give her dinner here but would that embarrass them?

Sorry if I sound clueless, I don't really have experience of this and I know that makes me sound bad doesn't it?

OP posts:
ilovedjerrymore · 03/03/2020 10:13

Awww poor girl. To be honest I know you are trying to be nice and helpful to the girl and her family but I can guarantee they won’t appreciate it which could cause problems for your daughter and the girls friendship. I would let it go for now and see how it pans out. Invite the girl over still even if the answer is no at least the invite is always open. Also maybe if you can afford to send your daughter with little extras for food she could pass them to her friend by saying she just grabbed a few out the cupboard she won’t be able eat them all etc. Such a hard situation, your daughter sounds lovely and carrying.

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