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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU To expect help?

23 replies

mummysho · 03/03/2020 08:47

So, a few years back now we bought my in laws flat when they wanted to move house. Nice and easy for them as we were buying it so no need for them to go through viewings or surveys. They had an issue with the mortgage survey though as they refused to class it as a 2 bed, so as a gesture of good will, and cause they're my husbands parents, we have them the extra money for it that they required.

They had an issue with another property they were selling, so ended up living with us for a couple of months before finding somewhere to rent until they were ready to move.

Now, 3 years on and we're ready to up size. We've had a tonne of viewings on our place and 2 fall throughs as the surveys keep bringing up issues that are all due to my FIL's bodged work on the place. We didn't know any of this when we bought it as we bought it in good faith as they are family!

Also, Before the second sale fell through, there was a chance we may have had the same situation as them and needing to rent for a while before moving into the place we were moving to, but they said no to letting us stay with them, even though they have room.

AIBU to expect them to help? A. The problems we are having are because of them (no help offered to rectify)
B. We helped them in the same situation AND gave them thousands extra to help them.

My thoughts are, they are parents?! I would help my son if he was in the same situation. Even just a gesture would be nice, but nothing.

OP posts:

Pipandmum · 03/03/2020 08:51

I think they should at least let you stay. As for the other business, you knew there were problems with the flat and should have been more savvy about it. But yes you'd think they'd be more grateful and understanding.

SuburbanFraggle · 03/03/2020 08:53

Just because they have a child it doesn't mean that they are good people. They are selfish. Proceed with that knowledge that they will not go out of their way for you.

coffeeforone · 03/03/2020 08:54

YANBU. What are their reasons when you ask for help on both points?

Pukkatea · 03/03/2020 08:57

It would be nice if they let you stay with them, but honestly when buying the house you've been a mug. Did you not think at the time that forking over extra money and ignoring the issue brought up by the mortgage survey would then cause you trouble when trying to sell? You seemingly didn't bother with surveys, assuming good faith, but how were they meant to know the issues either? My parents are currently selling and surveys have shown up a ton of things that have completely shocked them. You've been very silly.

MouthBreathingRage · 03/03/2020 09:08

We didn't know any of this when we bought it as we bought it in good faith as they are family!

With all due respect, you're a bloody idiot. Just because you were buying from family, didnt mean you shouldn't have taken every step necessary to make sure the most expensive purchase of your life was an adequate investment. That fault lies with you.

As for your inlaws not letting you stay, its difficult to say if they're being unreasonable or not. They may have very good reasons why they're saying no. Though I can understand how it feels very unfair when you shared your space for a while. Is it possibly because theres no timescale for the amount of time you may need to stay for?

Laserbird16 · 03/03/2020 09:53

YANBU but you can't make anyone be reasonable.

Your in laws don't want you to stay. That would have been nice especially to reciprocate your earlier generosity.

You are now lumbered with issues that you should have addressed at time of sale. Now they're your problem as again your in laws are not coming to your aid.

Lesson learnt, don't expect them to help you in future

Original poster

mummysho · 03/03/2020 09:56

@Pipandmum We only knew about the fact it was classed as a 1 and not 2 bed, which we quickly rectified. The other issues we knew nothing about, would have been nice to have been told!

OP posts:

Original poster

mummysho · 03/03/2020 09:57

@SuburbanFraggle now we know hey!

OP posts:

Original poster

mummysho · 03/03/2020 10:00

@Pukkatea the issues were having are actually nothing to do with the 2nd bedroom issue. We quickly rectified that as soon as we moved in. The issue is that he didn't get building regs for a lean to that he built, and didn't get a boiler moved by a professional. I guess we shouldn't have trusted them!

OP posts:

Pippa12 · 03/03/2020 10:01

Why didn’t you have a survey? These issues would’ve been picked up there and then.

Original poster

mummysho · 03/03/2020 10:04

TO NOTE: the issues we've had aren't actually to do with the 2nd bedroom. That was quickly rectified by us as soon As we moved in.

OP posts:

Original poster

mummysho · 03/03/2020 10:05

I guess cause it was family, we trusted that all would be OK, the house itself is in great condition, the issues we've had are extras that have been done to it. I guess you can't trust even family sometimes, lesson learnt. Would have been mice to have been told.

OP posts:

Sparklfairy · 03/03/2020 10:06

When it comes to money, people are generally just out for themselves. They saw you coming OP.

DingleberryRose · 03/03/2020 10:14

We bought it in good faith as they are family

Never buy anything in good faith. Especially property. Doesn’t matter who you’re buying it from.

potter5 · 03/03/2020 10:17

Have you asked them why you can't stay with them?

SarahAndQuack · 03/03/2020 10:22

The thing is, I can so easily see this from the PILs side (whether or not they're right).

I bet you they are saying to themselves 'look, we sold those two our lovely flat, definitely not at market rate, and we'd done so many costly improvements to it. We made it all nice and easy because they're family.'

This is the problem with 'gestures of goodwill'. They're a bit insubstantial, and the two parties involved may each think they are being the gracious, generous one.

I'm not saying I don't believe your PILs did shoddy work on the property, or that it was worth more than you paid, but the problem is that if they believe that - and they may - you've no way to convince them otherwise.

And if this is how they feel, they won't imagine they owe you a favour - rather, the reverse.

Shittodayshottomorrow · 03/03/2020 12:06

You may be absolutely right and the work is shoddy, but they clearly don’t.
Damage limitation is your only option.

TheWernethWife · 03/03/2020 12:31

Do you need planning permission for a lean to, doesn't this come under permitted deelopment

BrimfulofSasha · 03/03/2020 12:37

It is on the onus of the buyer (you buying off inlaws) to have surveys done- you didn't. You can't blame them for your misplaced trust.

As for them not putting you p, it is their choice. You can't expect them to treat you as you treat others.

It sucks and it isn't nice but it's how it is.
Sorry you are having a tough time of it.

Flutteringsatlast · 03/03/2020 12:40

Memo to self -they are selfish twerps..
Remember this when they need their arses wiped.
And follow suit with 'no'...

Babytigerrr · 03/03/2020 12:41

you cant expect them to help. They have done you over massively, though. I wouldn't be impressed.

Shittodayshottomorrow · 03/03/2020 12:43

Never rely on good faith agreements again.

AryaStarkWolf · 03/03/2020 12:43

They should definitely have allowed you to stay with them because A they're his parents and B it would be returning the favour you did. Bad move not to have gotten a survey done on the place before you bought though, no matter who you're buying from (they may not even know that there was a problem so you should get it done regardless)

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