AIBU to feel angry with family of deadbeat dad?

[SuburbanFraggle]

Usual story. Ex became self employed to avoid maintenance payments, then fucked off abroad for good measure. He paid about £50 the first year we were separated but not a penny more. His parents live in the country he moved to and took her on holiday twice about 7 years ago and that's the end of their interaction really. I talked to his older sister about him not contacting DD and not paying a penny towards her care. She made sympathetic noises.

Ex will WhatsApp DD (15) about once a month, usually with some terrible advice. 'Dad said I don't need to bother with school cos all the jobs will be by robots by the time I finish (in 3 years ). As annoying as it is she thinks he's great. I've never said a bad word about him. I thought by 15 she would realise he does nothing for her and doesn't bother much with her.

His sister is about an hour away. I've always tried to make an effort for her to get to know her cousins. A couple of times a year she has a sleepover. If they have a big family BBQ they invite us over. The cousins are friends with her. Nice.

Ex's parents have sent about 3 Christmas cards in 12 years and have never once contacted me. His other two sisters basically treat her like DD doesn't exist. At age 15 I've said the ball is in her court about WhatsApping them if she wants.

He is remarried now to a woman with her own child and they also have one together. God knows how someone sees there is nothing coming out of your household budget towards a child, no Christmas cards etc. and then decide to have kids together.

I think my ex is a POS. But AIBU for also being angry with his new wife for going along with the abandonment of his responsibilities, and to be angry with his parents and 2 sisters to have basically also abandoned DD because their son/brother no longer bothers?

I get that you’re angry, but at 15 yrs old you need to somehow make peace with this situation otherwise it will eat you up.
Sorry he’s this way.

I think generally if the ex isn’t bothered then the family aren’t either (sad but true) my ex only has his sister and she’s only met 2 out of 4 of the children I have with him.

He will most likely have fed her some bullshit about the situation that she’s naively bought into. Probably painted you out to be a psychotic ex he fled from, maybe tells her he does pay you CM and if they have separate bank accounts it’s easy to lie really. He sounds like the sort of cuntwaffle who would lie through his teeth.

It's him, not his new wife, that is the guilty party. She may or may not have correct information on the situation. Don't direct your anger towards her.
He's a crap dad. I can't imagine how hard it must be when your DD comes to you with stars in her eyes over him, but the only person you are hurting by holding on to ask this anger and resentment is yourself.
Maybe a short stint of counselling to help you find some positive ways to deal with it all?

*all this anger

He'll have fed her some bullshit that you're the psycho ex who's stopped him from seeing his daughter, caused loads of trouble for him and how he's always paid you maintenance. In fact when he left to live abroad he probably gave you a house, his car and all of his possessions!

There’s masses of women on here who think that their male partner doesn’t have much contact with their kids because ‘his ex is a crazy bitch and restricts access’. She will be similarly deluded.
I completely agree though, I would run a mile from any man who claimed this and wasn’t paying child support and actively pursuing contact even if it meant self representing in court.

Yabu to be angry with her. It’s not her fault he’s a shit.

I thought by 15 she would realise he does nothing for her and doesn't bother much with her.

She doesn’t want to realise that. He’s her dad. She doesn’t want him to have abandoned her.

Mine moved to another country to live with a women he'd only seen 3 times since they were 17 (41 now) hes paid £100 towards the children in the laat 10 months and only visited for 4 weekends even though its an hour flight and you can get return tickets for less than £40

She moved a man who she'd only seen 3 times into her house with her young child though so im assuming sges lacking in common sense.

He definatly is!

She's 15 - I think you can just step away from being involved in her relationship between your daughter & her dad! It is kind of nothing to do with you anymore

Being bitter about him / the past won't help anyone - just move forward

Your daughter knows on some level. I remember, even at that age, clinging to the fact that he was somehow being withheld from me by an imaginary force. But I really knew and it became clearer as I got older.

I was angry at his side of the family - and his new wife - for long time, but now I just feel sorry for them that they have to deal with his bullshit.

YANBU to feel how you feel, but there's no harm in letting go of those feelings when you're ready.

It's his fault he's a useless sack of shit, but there's a wider point that we as a society don't behave like we care when men (and it usually is men) do this. His new partner might be naive and have believed a bullshit story, but she might also be quite happy his time and resources aren't being spent on a child that isn't hers.