Fed up with toddler obsessed with food

[Passthedyson]

Not his fault I know that but I can’t cope anymore now.

3yr old been obsessed with food since about 15 months.

Eats well three wholesome meals and snacks and fruit.

Wherever we are he wants food and begs all day long. If we are at a party he reviews the food and won’t play. Soft play we can’t go anymore as he grabs strangers left overs.

When out at meals will have a tantrum to eat other people’s plates while they are mid meal. Can’t go to most playgroups anymore as they have food out and he just asks for more more more more.

We don’t give sugary snacks as it seems to make things worse. He is on 95th for weight looks slightly chubbier than average but not obese.

Tried giving more protein at snack time (already eats balanced meals not fussy enjoys veg etc) made no difference and possibly worse as just wanted more cheese all the time.

HV said carry on as we are and let him scream once it’s gone but I’m drained now as food is everywhere we go.

Only comment I can think of is that growing children need whole fat milk.
They need the fat and fat does not make you fat. Our bodies need a certain amount of fat.Not junk food but healthy fats, like milk yoghurt, cheese.
Perhaps he has too much fruit and not enough fat because fruit is basically turned to sugar in the body and then you get hungry again very quickly.

If you look up more recent diet advice you will see this that we need some fat and not so much fruit.

You can easily check about the milk. whole fat for children, semi-skimmed is not going to fill him up.

That does sound extreme op and very tiring to manage. My dds can be obsessive to an extent about snacks and I find it very wearing to constantly manage it. I think you’re offering very healthy meals and they seem like they would be filling for him.

I would probably chat to your GP.

Also have you tried giving him a snack basket? Might sound crazy but I’ve given mine a little basket in the fridge which I keep topped up with healthy snacks (fruit, yoghurt, cheese etc and could possibly do one for dry foods too). They can reach it and can have a snack when the want, but they don’t tend to go crazy and empty it out or anything! Gives them a bit more control over it as perhaps it is more about pushing boundaries? I think it has helped a bit with mine, but they don’t seem to be as intense as your Ds. Good luck anyway.

Well whatever is going on @Passthedyson it isn't down to you, you're doing an amazing job especially saying no and not giving in to him. Can I ask a couple of (maybe stupid) questions? How much is he drinking? (it's common to confuse thirst with hunger) and how many times a day/week does he poo? Are the poos big, just wondering how much waste his body is producing vs. how much he 'requires'.

This sounds exhausting. I think the PP who mentioned always giving the same snack is on to something. I would try temporarily removing anything that seems a particular trigger for begging/tantrums (like the crackers). I would also try piles of veg as it is filling and you can eat a lot without it causing health problems. Maybe all snacks would be carrot or celery sticks? I think it would take a bit of trial and error but that’s what I’d be trying.

@goldfinchfan agree about the fat in milk for kids, but, you don't want to fill him up on milk when his diet should consist predominantly of solid foods at this age and maybe a glass of milk before bed. Some people give their toddler so much milk during the day and wonder why they won't eat their dinner. Milk is filling and shouldn't affect mealtimes.

Poo usually once a day sometimes every 2 days. Got told to stop whole milk after age 2 if good eater ? Age 3 I believe should be fine to eat normal food not rely on milk.

Tried offering constant veg as snacks before but went mad asking for crackers or biscuits etc. I don’t buy biscuits anymore as was a huge issue but will never restrict and let him have them when around at other people’s house but wants more more more even if given 3/4 when other children have 1.

Got a party this month but not sure I can face going as he will just eat eat eat and won’t play then will ask for more more more :(

he will stand & stare also at other people eating !

VenusTiger

I agree that milk should not displace solid foods.
As the OP said she gives her son semi-skimmed I thought it worth mentioning that fullfat is correct for children and might satisfy him as it gives you a full up feeling which her child doesn't seem to experience at all.

OP can you ask your GP for their opinion? I doubt a HV would be informed enough as they have a broad remit.

I would be exhausted and worn down if I had a child constantly wanting food. I don't think your HV is right to say this is normal behaviour. It is making both you and you DC unhappy and that matters.
A Poo once a day or every two days is not very often, I would want medical advice It sounds like a kind of inbalance in the body I don't think it is behaviourial

Try recording what he eats on Cronometer (pick the NCCDB listings as they have all the micronutrients analysed) and see if he's missing any nutrients that would cause him to crave more food.

What are the portion sizes like op? From your list of food I wouldn't say it was an enormous amount depending on the different combinations? So 3 pieces of fruit (before breakfast, afternoon snack and after tea), a weetabix, crackers and cheese, a yogurt, peanut butter and two balanced meals? It's more that one of mine would eat at 3 but less that my other one. Either he is genuinely still hungry for more food, in which case always offer an apple and maybe increase his portions a bit or could it possibly just be three year old behaviour ? Snatching, whining, tantrumming are not out of the ordinary with a three year old. Could you try having an activity planned for straight after meals, something easy like a coloring book to distract hin if you can sense a tantrum coming on?

I agree with other posters that maybe thirst may play a part but I have the complete opposite problem with my daughter, she is an okay eater but will drink constantly, I mean all day, I have to limit water. Demands it constantly fortunately not such an issue when out. I would say your doing everything you can, try not to let it get you down, but I would be asking a gp for a referal to a dietician they may be able to shed some light :)

@Passthedyson another thought is to speak to gp about your DC's sodium levels and how his body is responding to salty foods. Too much sodium makes you less thirsty (strangely) and more hungry. I'm not suggesting he's eating too much salt, but he may be breaking it down differently to the norm.

Thanks I will go to the GP I think.
Drinks fine amount lots of water also often has water before eating. Wheetabix will have 2 of them and ask for more, toast has 1 slice we used to give 2 but I think toddler portion is only 0.5 slice so thought better reduce it as he is chubby and fine overall. Looked up portion sizes a while ago to check I wasn’t over feeding but they are “textbook”.
The worse tantrums are over snacks than meal times but at meal times most meals he wants to finish family& friends foods.

Carbs deffo set him off more - bread, chips, cake & biscuits

At parties he won’t play he just eats food off the buffet. Asks for cake as soon as we enter and won’t stop.

Just and because that sounds so tough!

In your extended family do you have anyone exceptionally tall? He could be genuinely hungry mixed with "bad habits"/personality because he is a top centile super grower...

Have you any concerns about his social interaction with other children? Any concerns about his development generally? I ask as I think children with ASD or learning difficulties can sometimes have a food obsession.

No social issues at all. Yes we have tall but not outrageously. Parents average. No one is huge but we are all good eaters on both sides.

Sometimes tall at a young age is more grandparents and skipped a generation. DH was 6'3" at 13 🙈

At three I would have a conversation before a party about expectations. Explain that not playing and ignoring his friends is rude.
Begging for cake is rude
Tell him if he is hungry then he can sit with you and eat a rice cake (bring with you) and have water but if he asked for cake before it is offered you will take him straight home.

Does he sit for all meals and snacks. No tv/distractions/mindless eating?

Could it be that he’s enjoying the sensory experience of chewing rather than eating? Eating crunchy foods can apparently help with this as well as sucking up smoothies through a large straw to give sensory feedback to the mouth. You can also get chew necklaces that may be worth a try

OP, have a look into sensory processing issues. The strong craving for foods, such as salt and cake, can be an indicator as they provide the sensory input needed. Food could be a comfort for him, fulfilling a need other than just hunger. That aside, I would agree with suggestions to switch to full fat products, up the carbs and increase portion sizes. Give him crunchy, crisp food that requires chewing - an apple instead of a banana, vegetable crisps, crackers. Let him use a sports type bottle for his drinks - these will engage his senses more and make eating more satisfying.

Apologies Winni, think I repeated a lot of what you said, didn't see your post!,

Defiantly see your GP, take along a record of his eating, picture on your phone if you have one. Of his portion I mean This could be serious or it could be a phase. A good GP will help either way. Agree that it could be a sensory thing, or even boredom. Carrots, broccoli, apples are all good, he has to take his time, not all gone in one gulp. Be patient with him, and be patient with yourself, it will come right in the end.

@SpaceDinosaur
I agree with all of this. Explain to him before you go to a party what the food boundaries are, carry a healthy snack for him and remind him of the consequences if he begs for food. Praise him when he controls himself and take him home if he doesn't. Good luck.

@Curiosity101 - just wondering about your question about upping their bottles once they are draining them? Can this affect satiety?