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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I can't afford to be ill?

32 replies

BeatItBarry · 02/03/2020 20:15

Going through a really really hard time right now, I wont go into it all but I've been off work now since the beginning of Feb and have been signed off until the end of March.

I just don't have a choice but to go back to work. I'm not ready, my husband, my counsellor, my GP all think I'm not ready but I feel like I have no other option. We cannot afford to live on SSP.

Am I the only one who feels like they just can't afford to be ill? I know it'll do me no good going back to work tomorrow but I feel I have no other choice.

OP posts:
GrumpysOtherHalf · 02/03/2020 20:18

Is there no other means of making things easier financially until you're better?

Ask mortgage provider for a payment break?
Reduce dd payments for gas/electric?
Food banks?
Any benefits you could claim?

Babybel90 · 02/03/2020 20:29

I know what you mean, SSP is crap. Would your employer let you use annual leave for some of the time?

Original poster
BeatItBarry · 02/03/2020 20:30

Don't qualify for any benefits according to the Gov website.

It's just a mess. We rent so can't ask mortgage provider etc...

Two kids as well so there's not much we can cut back on the same if it were just DH and I

OP posts:
Original poster
BeatItBarry · 02/03/2020 20:31

I'm so nervous. I was nearly at the point of suicide not long ago. But now I've no choice but to just carry on.

OP posts:
Lazypuppy · 02/03/2020 20:32

Careful, if you are signed off you aren't allowed to work. Your doctor needs to sign you as fit for work before your employer can let you back

GrumpysOtherHalf · 02/03/2020 20:36

If things are completely awful (and they sound like they are if you have contemplated suicide) could/would you consider giving up work and going on benefits for a while until you're better?

I don't know the system very well, or how it would work but if you are feeling that awful you need to get well again, for you and your children

Original poster
BeatItBarry · 02/03/2020 21:02

I guess the thought of actually packing my job in scares me. I have quite a good job (as in location) that I probably wouldn't get again and would have to travel far in the future when I returned to work.

It doesn't help, I feel like this has just added stress on top of the already stressful depression I was feeling and made it ten times worse.

OP posts:
TeacupDrama · 02/03/2020 21:06

@grumpysotherhalf unfortunately it appears the OP would not get any benefits other than SSP as her DH works; if you give up your job you can't claim contributions based JSA either, if she was made redundant she could claim contributuions JSA for 6 months but as they are struggling on SSP (£94 per week) JSA/ESA ( at £74 ) is not going to be easier

ElderAve · 02/03/2020 21:08

"Careful, if you are signed off you aren't allowed to work. Your doctor needs to sign you as fit for work before your employer can let you back"

This is absolute complete and utter nonsense. Obviously, the doctor has signed you off for a reason and it may be unwise not to follow his advice but if you and your employer are in agreement there is nothing stopping you working when signed off if you want to. Most employers will want to do a risk assessment first to make sure working would not put you or others at increased risk.

GrumpysOtherHalf · 02/03/2020 21:13

@TeacupDrama admittedly I'm not familiar with the system but op may be able to claim some tax credits of sorts depending on their income. I don't know. Was just a thought. In an ideal world I wouldn't recommend it but op seems desperate

Original poster
BeatItBarry · 02/03/2020 21:23

My DH is self employed which makes it all messier too.

I just don't know what to do. I don't know how other people do it. I'm thinking of going back tomorrow and I've already been in DHs arms in bits over the thought.

OP posts:
Mlou32 · 02/03/2020 21:25

It doesn't seem like there are too many options here tbh. Could you maybe ask work if you can go back to a phased return? That way you'll be earning a bit of money but the reduction of hours may be a bit more gentle on your mental health. I'm not sure how your employer operates though. I know with mine, phased return means I';; work say 3 days out of 5 for an agreed amount of time, as advised by the GP, but still get paid for full time.

Original poster
BeatItBarry · 02/03/2020 21:26

I don't even know what the answer is either as obviously my work shouldn't be expected to fund me nor should the tax payer but honestly, how are people supposed to recover when you have the added stress of money on top of everything else?

OP posts:
GrumpysOtherHalf · 02/03/2020 21:26

Has your husband got any suggestions-as he knows your situation more thoroughly

GrumpysOtherHalf · 02/03/2020 21:27

Everyone needs help and support from time to time op, there is no shame in asking and receiving financial help

PersonaNonGarter · 02/03/2020 21:29

Get a different job. Easy to say harder to but you need to look at cutting down your hours if possible.

Original poster
BeatItBarry · 02/03/2020 21:30

My husband, bless him, is very much of the 'we'll find a way' type.

But I know our finances and I just don't see one.

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 02/03/2020 21:31

obviously my work shouldn't be expected to fund me nor should the tax payer
Why on earth not? Its ridiculous to create a society in which only people who currently work full time have value. Anyone can have an accident or fall ill at any time. Support should be there, its not like you are trying to get a free holiday abroad to recuperate.

Its very sad that people still think there's a safety net; there hasn't been one for years. It was dismantled under this Govts austerity measures. I know people mean well but its frustrating that these threads always start with a flurry of 'claim this or that'', for benefits that don't exist.

Original poster
BeatItBarry · 02/03/2020 21:32

And obviously with it comes a massive heap of guilt that I'm causing our family financial hardship. If I could just pull it together and get back to work we'd be okay. But the thought of it, honestly I don't know how I'm going to do it.

OP posts:
JKScot4 · 02/03/2020 21:34

Self employed ppl can claim UC if not high earning, I’d recheck that you’re not eligible.

Gazelda · 02/03/2020 21:34

You're unwell. That's not your fault. Please try to lose the guilt.

Could you ask your GP if they'd suggest a phased return?

Please, do make sure you've tried every other alternative before throwing yourself back into work. You're too precious to your family to risk hurting further.

Original poster
BeatItBarry · 02/03/2020 21:38

Thank you. I do try not to feel guilty but sometimes when I'm lying there in bed feeling like I can't get out I just think, look at me, our family is struggling and I can't get myself out of bed to sort it out. I just feel like such a failure.

I feel like I just have to be strong and push through it for their sakes but my counsellor has been trying to warn me against doing that.

That's another expense, I had to pay for a private counsellor as I was on the verge of doing something stupid. I'm on the waiting list for counselling through the GP but I've been on it now since before Christmas and couldn't wait any longer.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeatItBarry · 02/03/2020 21:40

Could you ask your GP if they'd suggest a phased return?

I could mention it. I know she specifically said on my sick note that there's no additional measures she recommends other than me not being there at all but I can speak to her and see. It'd be better than nothing.

OP posts:
Justgivemesomepeace · 02/03/2020 21:45

The GP can suggest anything but the employer isnt bound by it. If you feel you can manage a phased return speak to your employer and see whether they can support it.

user1493494961 · 02/03/2020 21:51

Is your husband able to take on more work to enable you to stay at home to recover.