To finish with him

[Whattododamm]

So my partner is in prison for DV charges and has been for a few months. It wasnt exactly a daily or weekly occurrence but drink fueled and terrifying for our kids. We have been together 9 year and hes always been a terrible drunk. So over the past few months I've went from wanting him home to seriously considering separation if not for me but the kids. I dont think I love him anymore and i feel so bad for this but I'm scared to go back to what it was before. Maybe not at first but after a few months will it go back to the drinking abuse as before ? I dont know what to do ...

OP, please do whatever it takes to keep him away. Your DC will thank you for it when they're older.

Women's Aid can give advice, as can SS. I have DC with MH issues as a result from an abusive relationship, please don't let it get that far ( we're good now).

You might be in serious danger if you take him back. Plus he will blame you for sending him to prison even though it is his fault. I know it is hard to be strong and take the decision to stay separated when your self esteem is low. I am in an abusive relationship and my partner had one night in a cell for assaulting me and he has never let me forget it. My having called the police on him has ruined his life forever and it is all my fault. It happened about 9 years ago and he still regularly tells me how much he resents me for it. Please try to gather every tiny bit of strength you have and take this chance to make a break from him. Your life will be so much happier in the long run.

I'm really shocked by these comments - I know it's hard OP. So many people here clearly don't get it. Obviously you know logically that you shouldn't have him back, which is easier to say as an outsider or someone who hasn't been a victim of DV, but when you have been conditioned into believing certain things by your abuser it is fucking hard to leave and think rationally even when you and others are at risk. Even if it's your children. Pp, be happy you haven't felt that because when you realise what you've let happen and in some ways brought upon yourself, it's a horrific feeling.

@whattododamm please take this as the blessing it is and help yourself, therapy if you need it, self care is important, you and your children are important. Please tap into the rational side of you and remember that you do not deserve this and you need to leave before it's too late xxxx

OMG I sincerely hope that you are getting counselling.

Please, please, please don't take this man back into your life. I've worked with children who have been exposed to DV. It is so damaging for their mental health. Please get counselling for yourself and your children. If your children are school age and the school is unaware of past experience ask for a meeting with the DSL. They can signpost you to support.