To still be angry at my Mum (warning sexual abuse content)

[stillfeelingmad]

I was sexually abused by my father as a child. It went on for a number of years and deep down I'm sure my mum knew something was up. I eventually went to school (and then the police) when I was 16. I started experimenting with a bf and realised what had been happening at home was wrong.

My mum said she didn't know although acknowledged that I was my Fathers 'favourite'

He went to prison for 10 years and I stayed at home with mum + 3 brothers.

She's been a mess since then and struggled with mental health on and off. Just about scrapes by now. My brothers all feel sorry for her and say how tough it was on her (what about me!)

I feel petty because although I got into an abusive relationship in my 20s I've done really well since, have a great career, wonderful husband and we are financially stable, something my mum never managed.

I have momentary flashes though of intense anger, either for knowing what was going on and throwing me to the wolves or being too dense/thick/ in denial to see.

I'm mid 30s now so not sure it will ever go away, I wish I could be as serene/forgiving in the inside as I pretend to be on the outside

Have you had therapy? I don’t think you have to be forgiving or serene. I think it’s enough to make anyone angry forever more (been there too, unfortunately). Without giving pointless platitudes, you sound like you’re amazingly sorted, but you have every right to feel as you do. What do your brothers say to you about it?

Horrible story op I’m sorry that you had that happen to you.

My wife was abused by her stepfather (not sexually) for years. She has a lot of resentment towards her mum over it. It’s just shit when adults are so stupid or selfish to protect their kids. It’s worse as an adult because you see yourself you have the power to do something.

Sounds like you have done really well for yourself though. Live as fully as you can and spread kindness as much as possible that’s the best way forward to know you are a light where others are evil

I have had therapy and although we did briefly touch on my feelings toward my mum as it was referred through women's aid following my relationship with my ex it focused a lot on my relationship with my father, My expectations with men and their behaviour and boundaries. I would consider it very successful to be fair, that's what I'm almost a bit baffled by my anger to my mum.

I've talked and mulled over the actual abuse, the effect, my father and my relationships with men. I've moved on and definitely feel like I can discuss that period of my life calmly and eloquently.
That's why I feel so weird that out of all of it I'm not only really angry/resentful of my mum? Not the person who actually abused or my violent bullying ex

You have every right to feel angry towards your parents. They should have loved and protected you. They didn't. Please get some therapy and support to help you work through your feelings towards your mum.

I've done years of therapy on the abuse I suffered. I'm not back in therapy to deal with the issues and anger with my parents. Anger being number 1. Can you get some more therapy? Sounds like you need to get that anger out, somewhere safe and where you will be listened to.