To tell DH to sort his shit out?

[codenameduchess]

DH has let himself go recently and it's at a stage where I'm embarrassed to be seen with him.

He had sciatica which I know is awful, but he's not doing anything to help himself. He's seen a physio who gave him exercises that he won't do and he spends all his time lounging round.
He wears awful, baggy joggers (the cheap plain ones) and stained/faded T-shirt's, hasn't had a haircut in months, hardly shaves and has gained a lot big weight. The weight itself isn't a big thing (I'm a tad chunky having just had a baby) but it's the overall lack of effort, he just looks scruffy and slobby.

He's short tempered with all of us, harsh on DD and honestly I can't be bothered to talk to him much because he's so grumpy and constantly grunting and moaning about his back/leg over me whenever I try to engage with him.

He's obsessed with 'tidying' the house, which means he fucks off to the conservatory to do laundry and vape rather than spend time with us. He will only do anything with 4yo or the baby if he's lying down and it involves no effort while complaining I do nothing.... I'd love to crack on with my to do list but he refuses to help me either do the things or look after the kids for longer than 5 minutes so I can get on!

I've tried being gentle, I've tried out and out telling him he's a scruffy twat and I'm embarrassed to be seen with him but he doesn't seem bothered.

AIBU to be embarrassed by him and just sick of his shit? Is there a way to say 'sort yourself out' that will actually get through?

That would drive me nuts, I have severe spinal problems and have to wear a morphine patch 24 hours a day yet I work full time, get my hair done, have lost loads of weight and do everything round the house because I live alone. And put make up on everyday.
He is using it to cop out. Does he want his life to be this miserable? Because nothing is going to change until he decides to get his shit together.

Sciatica is horrific, and will shred your nerves at the best of times. However he isn't doing anything to help himself out here - I went for osteopathy as well as hospital physio, and gentle walking and swimming made the world of difference. Sitting on your arse feeling sorry for yourself doesn't help anyone. And I'd check whatever painkillers he's taking as codeine/opiates won't be helping one bit.

Time for a bit of tough love I'd say. However you'll get an army of posts here telling you to go easy on him as he's bound to have depression as that's the excuse reason for all shitty behaviour on here

Do you want to continue in your marriage? It doesn’t sound a very happy place to be.

And also tell him nobody wants to listen to his health problems all the time - it's incredibly boring for other people to have to listen to that. It's a sympathy evaporator.

He sounds depressed. Have you suggested he see his GP about his moods and lack of motivation?

May be time to ask him to get checked out for depression.

Do you want to continue in your marriage? It doesn’t sound a very happy place to be.

It's less of a marriage and more two people who happen to live together and have children... he sleeps in the spare room because he couldn't possibly be disturbed by the baby, if I do anything with the kids i do it alone because it's easier.

And also tell him nobody wants to listen to his health problems all the time - it's incredibly boring
☝️🙌 yes this! I get told I'm not sympathetic enough but any sympathy disappears when it's constant moaning and doing nothing about it!

I don't think he's depressed, and if it's something he wants to do or is interested in it's fine- aside from the physical state of him.