Abusive ex and children

[Standinguptononsense]

More of a wwyd but posting for traffic. I have posted on here about my abusive ex before, we have a court order in place and he picks the DSs at 3pm every other Sunday. The DSs were at mine yesterday and the eldest (nearly 9) wanted to stay at ours to watch the cup final. We are all big football fans and especially one of the teams playing yesterday. He was happy to his dads just after the game. The youngest (7) was happy to go at 3pm. My ex doesnt talk to me at all so makes situations like this tricky. Eldest was upset as he said dad wont let me. He asked his dad and he said no. Wouldnt listen to DS at all, cue more tears.

So my question is would you have...a) sent DS anyway, albeit upset and hope hes okay. Or b) listen to his wishes and let him watch the game here (and just shut the door on Ex husband).

It depends on what you mean by abusive. Obviously, if you have concerns about their physical and mental wellbeing then this is a bigger issue and you should be considering if they should be going at all.

If you have no immediate concerns that they will come to harm and he's just crap then I would have let him go. It's his father's contact time and if co-parenting is impossible, the only way through is to stick to the letter of the agreement. I agree it's hard and it would be better if you two could talk but if that's not possible then you have to follow what is laid out. What if he decided not to return the DS when he said as they were in the middle of something. It would get into tit for tat and eat away at what structure you do have.

The boys will soon be at the age where they can make decisions for themselves. At that point they will likely vote with their feet in regards to their father's behaviour.

Of course, as said before, if he is abusive to the point that you have genuine concerns for their well-being then don't let them go and take it back to court if you have to in order to protect the boys.

Hes not physically abusive but is emotionally and very manipulative. The eldest is saying now I know what I want and can decide who I spend time with. I agree about sticking to the order he just has no flexibility. You are right he would go tit for tat.

Sent him anyway as that is what the court order states and you would be breaking it to keep your DS at home.