About dd biological dad

[new0rules]

Will try to keep the back story brief. I had a 6 month (quite intense) relationship when I was 25 which ended abruptly when I found out I was pregnant and the guy pressured me to get an abortion and turned not very nice when I didn’t want to (for personal reasons.) I accepted this, re trained knowing I would be a single parent, didn’t pursue him for child support (he was/is an entertainer ((nope, not well known sorry)) and was in training so wouldn’t have been eligible to pay anything for at least 2 years anyway. I tried a couple of times after she was born to see if he wanted contact but he refused, and the one time he came to see her he ended up being rude and aggressive to me in my own house.

Fast forward to now, she is over 5 and I am well established in my career, we have a pretty good life. I am separating from my husband but that’s a separate issue. Dd is a very happy, outgoing and bright kid and we have a lot of close family nearby and well established friends of mine/hers.

Now her bio father has messaged out of the blue saying he feels so bad and wants to “do what he can before it’s too late”. He said he is still angry at me but wants to “do right by (dd)”. He’s apparently still an entertainer, financially insecure (he has said he can/will pay the minimum amount of child support to me starting now). Apparently this message has been motivated by his long term girlfriend finding out he had a secret child he never sees or pays for and threatening to dump him if he doesn’t do right.

The whole thing makes me really mad and shows how self involved he still is, to me. Dd has a great life and a lot of support. I don’t remotely see what he will add and given his emotional track record I don’t trust him with her.

Should bio dads always get to walk into their kids lives when they fancy it?

If you want to keep the door pen a smidge, tell him you want a year of child maintenance paid (over the year) with no contact to prove he is serious. Only then will you consider facilitating contact. But I would send FizzyGreenWater message

If you want to keep the door pen a smidge, tell him you want a year of child maintenance paid (over the year) with no contact to prove he is serious. Only then will you consider facilitating contact. But I would send FizzyGreenWater message this.

Don't give him a chance op. "Before it's too late" he has some nerve. It is too late. You're much better off without him but then I think you already know that.

He will pay the minimum of child support? Cheeky twat? Tell him to fuck off and go through court if he wants to see your daughter. I suspect he won't bother, and he really doesn't deserve to.

*cheeky twat!

I don't think you should do anything atm, given that you are currently separating from your husband. I presume he has been like a father figure to your DD? so she will be emotionally vulnerable from his disappearance atm..

I have been in your position, DS1s dad wanted nothing to do with him, until he got married when DS was 4.. I allowed fortnightly contact for 18 months until they split up and he promptly disappeared again. It was heartbreaking for my poor boy...

Why not leave it for a while, until your DD has got used to what is happening in your home, don't send Fizzys letter if he is on the birth certificate, as that letter could be used at a later date should he ever decide to go to court for contact.
Explain the situation calmly, and ask him to get back in touch in the summer once your DD has got used to your change in circumstances.

He's not mature enough to allowed any where near your child.

It would be one thing if he was full of regret and throwing money your way to make up for lost time.

But he's sent you a load of crap about still being angry at you (great for your child's self esteem, who he views as a mistake) and has made it clear he's only doing it because his girlfriend told him to.

No point in pursuing the cms route as his unreliable work will make it impossible to follow up anyway.

He's a waster and you should block all contact.

Speak to the LTG as she is the one driving this. Ask does she have children? Explain to her, your concerns.

He's angry with you and only wants to see your DD to keep his relationship alive. I wouldn't let him within a mile of my child, I wouldn't even acknowledge the message. There is no way he's going to be a regular or stable influence in his daughters life.