To think working full time is harder when your DC has additional needs?

[Refreshed]

Just that really. I'm working part time at the moment and I've been offered a brilliant full time role with a fantastic salary.

However, I'm just looking at all DS's appointments coming up and feel a bit dizzy! He has 3 in March alone. One is in London so miles away. The other will take at least 3/4 hours each time.

He's currently being investigated for ASD. Many health professions have said already that's what they're firmly expecting. Just awaiting a diagnosis and full assessment which takes time.

These appointments are quite frequent and the role I would be taking is busy and would require quite a bit of notice if I needed time off etc.

My DS loves his nursery though. It's just the logistics of it all.

Not to mention being wary of how much time I miss with him... I lost my DD in October and will never have more children, lots of loss before then too. It is shocking. So DS is very likely to be my only one and I just worry so much about letting him down

The new employer is obviously new so wouldn't be as negotiable as say someone who's been with the company 10 years and could bargain come leeway.

Yes. I work p.t nights it is shit. It is impossible for both parents to work full time, unless you've tons of support.

DH won't take time off to go to the appointments. He just won't.

that was my DH (now exH). His refusal to 'help out' as he unhelpfully put it accelerated my professional decline and when I had to switch to carers allowance became a right arsehole for me living off his hard earned cash (which he earned on the expense of my job). this is a very slippery slope. You need to set things right from the start. Otherwise, neither your job nor your marriage will survive as this just breeds contempt.

YANBU. Many parents, including myself, cannot work at all due to caring full time for a child with disabilities. I really miss my job though.

In my asd parent support group of over 30 regular attendees there's not a single family where both parents work full time. And in most cases one parent doesn't work at all or only works very part time. And it's over 90% the mother who had to give up work. Yes additional needs is a very broad church but it's naive in the extreme to think that two working parents is the norm.

YANBU. I don't work because it's just not possible. DS1 has Aspergers, he absolutely will not stay with someone be doesn't know and we have next to no family support. We've tried building up a bond with a childminder but then she took ill and it all went to shit (no fault of hers of course, but still frustrating). After school care is not always the same teachers, some he barely knows and so will not stay with them. My mum helps out where she can but she works too and it's just not possible for her to help so much that allows me time to work. DH has always been a much higher earner than me so logistically it made sense for me to become the full time carer. DH always attends appointments with us though, he likes to keep in the loop and we've both been on autism awareness courses. It's hard graft and I fully suspect DS2 is on the spectrum as well, so it'll only get harder really. I hoped to have a part time job once they were at school but with the amount of times I have to pick DS1 up early because he's not coping or days where I have to keep him home all together and the endless appointments he has with CAHMS at the moment... no job would be willing to accommodate that.

I'd take the full time job if you have a good support network and if you'll be able to go back to part time if necessary. Knowing how they'll cope as they get older is impossible. Also claim DLA if you don't already, every little helps.

I'm a lone parent with 2 DC with ASD. People give me "the look" when they hear I don't work full time. I can't. There are too many appointments and DS2 can't cope with that level of childcare. He's emotionally vulnerable and needs consistent care with his mum as the major part of his life so he can cope with the childminder a couple of days a week while I work. I'm dreading being moved to universal credit as I stand to be about £200 a month worse off. Some people will no doubt say good, you don't deserve money, but I didn't ask to be in this situation regarding my children or my marriage.

Can I ask if DLA for children is a tad easier to get than the adult equivalent, PIP? As I know that's a nightmare and most people don't seem to get it.

Coconut So sorry you're doing the very best for your DC. Ignore any snobby feckers

it's not easy. but it is 'only' a form - no face and to face interview. you don't need a dx. the test is if the child needs significantly more help and support than his peers.

at 2 it will be harder as all 2 year olds need supervision, help with dressing, eating etc.

We applied when DD was 3.5. non verbal, no understanding of language, 1:1 support. we got turned down (also refused when we asked for a reconsideration). I appealed and got high rate care.

Google the Cerebra guide for DLA. it will help you to fill in the form and just ask for a reconsideration and then appeal if need be. Unfortunately, these are hoops you often have to jump through but doable if you have the stamina for an appeal.

It’s the main reason I still work only half time. I thought I would be at least 3/4 by now, but someone has to take dd to all her appointments and cover her much higher than average number of sick days.

I remind myself that I am lucky to have a good job that lets me work part-time. Without it, I would probably have to just stay home. (Which would be extra challenging because I live somewhere we have to pay for all dd’s medical care and therapies)

DLA goes on the needs of the child ,I applied when my son was three he had already been diagnosed with autism and learning disabilities at that point and there was a very noticeable difference in ds and his peers at two i think i t would have been harder to see he did require a lot of extra care but so do lots of two year olds, he was awarded. middle rate care and at five they added on low rate mobility, he now gets High rate care and High rate mobility under SMI but I had to go to tribunal for that ,there are various groups on Facebook for children and DLA ,however whilst they can be be helpful ,there is a lot of misinformation and personal opinion rather than facts .

So sorry for your loss. No experience of additional needs, bit I strongly suspect you'll regret missing out on time with your ds should you go full time. I personally wouldn't take the job and relish my child as much as I could afford to. Good luck with whatever you decide 🌸

My DS has ASD and functions pretty well, but there is no way he could cope with both parents working full time. He struggles with after school club. It's exhausting for him and we have also had occasional issues with him being picked on. He needs time after school to just relax and do his thing at home where he feels safe.