So DH is currently unemployed (credit where it’s due - not for want of trying) and I am supporting us. We can’t afford to keep the house so it is on the market. He bangs on and on at me about tidying up as I go along, which has never been my strongest point, especially now that we have a toddler running around as well as a ten year old. I think I do a passable job though and I’ve been making a big effort for viewings. DH is doing majority of child care now though I’m still paying (through the nose) for nursery a few days a week.
Last week I came home from a long day in the office to find he hadn’t given any consideration to kids’ suppers, just his own. So while he cooked himself a steak (I had to ASK him to cook one for me too) I dashed around preparing veggie and toddler-friendly options for the kids. By the time we finished eating it was getting late and kids were drooping at the table so I took both upstairs straight away for bath time and bed. That done I came back downstairs and found DH feet up on the sofa with not one dish touched or table cleared. Cue anger from me. He says I shouted.
Fast forward two days. It’s the weekend and because of house viewings we spend a long morning traipsing round town with kids in tow. I am suffering glandular burnout and fatigue, thanks in part to being up with sick toddler several nights in a row, a big work presentation and an uncomfortable overnight trip for house viewings of our own. We get to late lunchtime with only minor fracas. In the restaurant I try awkwardly to manoeuvre toddler into high chair from my seated position trapped between table and pillar while DH is deaf to my requests for help. “FFS!” I say loudly and angrily, standing up, bumping the table, and settling child into seat (where he very happily proceeds to eat up his meal). Later DH says he ignored me because he disapproved of the way I was manhandling toddler.
Two days later DH is still sulking because I “shouted” at him twice. I don’t really think IABU, though you can tell me if you do. I have apologised more than once for raising my voice. But when I subsequently suggest gently that we jointly consider his behaviour too he tells me I am “victim blaming”. Endlessly frustrated I eventually point out that that’s “DARVO” so guess what, now that’s what I’m apparently engaged in too.
Sympathetic replies very welcome. Unsympathetic ones less so because I’m struggling to feel good about myself just now and really don’t need additional criticism. Massively helpful, most of all, would be anyone who can see a way through DH’s refusal to consider the impact of his own behaviour cos that is the brick wall I feel like I’m bashing my head against right now.
We’re happy, apart from these occasional flare ups, and I don’t think it’s sufficient a problem enough to warrant seeing a professional in and of itself, although we are both big believers in talking therapies.