To ask how I can live not just exist

[SearchingForFun]

Just that really. I feel like I just exist each day but I am not really living.

What can I do to live? I don't know if I am making sense. Life must have more meaning. I get up go to work, come home tired, kids, cook, sleep.

Alot of the time I think it's just me and everyone else is living. Is it just me?

I think it's just so easy to lose yourself and sort of give up on having anything for you. My actual hobby is scrapbooking. I love it and go to a monthly club where we sit around looking at pretty paper, chatting, eating cakes and being creative but I'm breastfeeding and can't leave the baby so it's on the back burner for now.

I don't know how the biscuit decorating will go but I figure the worst that can happen is I buy some stuff on Amazon and am useless at it or don't enjoy it and stop doing it. I might love it, learn a new skill, at least I'll occupy my mind a bit. I like looking at sweetambs Facebook page.

I do totally get not knowing what you like doing. Could you just pick something and go with it for a bit? That would maybe hone your sense of what you like (and dislike). Maybe think about whether you like doing things inside or outside the house? How active are you? What would suit your lifestyle atm?

Most of life is work in one form or another (housework, admin, paid work, study, childcare, caring responsibilities). When I feel down and when I feel happy there is not much difference except that I find joy, and humour and fun in tiny little places when I am in a better mental state. I still have housework to do, but I put my music on and sing along as I do it. I still have to do the school run, but we play I spy on the way. I have my usual shower, but try out a new shampoo. Do the food shop, but stop in the cafe for 10 minutes and people watch. I try folding the laundry a different way or move the living room furniture around. We go on a day trip to the next town over on the bus and do all the same stuff we do normally but somewhere a bit different. I try to live mindfully and find the joy in the everyday. I struggled when I was first a parent because I wanted to have "big life experiences" feelings of overwhelming happiness that transcended the domestic drudgery, but honestly I do not have the time or the money or the energy. So I try and make life fun or interesting in little ways. I hope one day I'll have a career I love and get a lot from that (as opposed to a job IYSWIM) but for now, I try to count my blessings and enjoy being a parent. And I try to make the world a better place for those around me in little ways when I can. And if I can't manage that, then I distract myself with books, TV, social media, music, gaming, exercise, until I can muster up the energy to paint a smiley face on the shiny turds of life.

Piccalino is right, just pick anything. You mentioned running - so get off Mumsnet which is the procrastinator's friend, spend 20 minutes googling for a local running club that has a meet next weekend. And just go. No excuses, no changing your mind or not feeling like it on the day. At the very least it will be fresh air and exercise, you might meet somebody friendly and it's a break from 'Mummy, mummy, mummy.' Harden your heart, walk out the door and let daddy sort it! If you enjoy it, go back. If you don't, you've lost nothing but the 100 calories you've jogged off your bum!
You also mentioned baking. Could you bake for charity? Fund-raising or that charity that bakes birthday cakes for children who wouldn't other wise have one?

Can you carve out some time for yourself. It sounds like work & family are relentless so you probably need some time to do something just for you. Could you start an evening class? Join a choir? Go to the gym? Join/start a book group?

Could you get a babysitter once a month/once a fortnight and start having a datenight with your partner? It might give you a chance to rediscover your pre-DC self if you are seeing each other in a more adult setting, rather than just wrangling the kids or clearing up after them.

Could you arrange a monthly girls night out with your friends?

Could you take a day off work, not tell anyone and go to a spa for a day and recharge?

Agree with suggestion of a vitamin B complex. Also, vitamin D supplement.

I completely understand this. I literally have no time to myself. I am working or with my son. I am a single mum and have no friends or family here to help out and cant afford a baby sitter.

I am trying to stay awake a little longer at night so I can read and meditate. I am also going to try and do a yoga video once or twice a week.

You don't have to do the big things. Just do one stop and listen - a lovely form a meditation that is grounding and takes just a moment. Gradually add more moments. Breath a lovely big sigh. (If you cry, let yourself cry until you've cried out).

You're precious, too. Not just everybody around you

Being a parent and working is hard to get some fun times while getting through the week.
I would try doing something together with the kids like a short walk in the evenings, sit down and have a movie snacks night, a no tv night. Buy yourself a magazine, join a group Your interested in or start a hobby at home and allow time to do it.
Try new meal ideas and be more spontaneous, fish n chips at the park instead of going home and cooking tea. A picnic instead of at the table.
allow a once a month meal out or Go to the movies or a night out with a friend
Pick afew things for with the kids and some for yourself. I enjoy music it lifts the spirts and helps doing mundane housework with a good groove
Pinterest always has me lost in looking at all sorts of interesting things and ideas.

Hi op, it’s been written a few years ago but there is a book by Rita Konig called Domestic Bliss which is lovely. It has a nice chapter or two on self care.

I can totally relate to this Op, I definitely feel like I'm on a hamster wheel of life. I especially let money play on my mind as I'm a single parent and work in an industry where redundancy rounds happen every 2 years.

On top of that I'm a massive perfectionist and beat myself up for every little mistake.

This sounds really cheesy I've started doing positive affirmations each night and each morning. I have so much to be grateful for.

I've also started reading 'the unexpected joy of ordinary' which offers some psychological insight into why we are like this. It's absolutely enlightening.

We’re just mammals OP there is no greater meaning to life. It’s just eating to survive, sleeping and procreation to continue our species like any other animal. We drive ourselves to expect something more like we’re a higher being that is entitled to a special worthwhile life experience but really it’s that basic. You need to learn to appreciate the lovely moments as they happen and take time to see the wonders around us. If you can consciously point out to yourself when something makes you have a warm content feeling it helps. For me it’s things like a really good shower, feeding the birds and watching them in my garden, a bright day in winter, coming in from a brisk walk and having 5 mins for a cosy cup of tea before I get on with stuff. It’s all small stuff, I’m not a world changer nor do I do anything amazing on a daily basis but I take time to be happy with something small and to others insignificant regularly because it feels good.

Best advice I’ve ever been given - be more dog! They never ponder their life choices or worry they’re not fulfilled or achieving enough.

I get up go to work, come home tired, kids, cook, sleep.

Isn't that normal life though? My week will consist of, get up, college run to the bus for my eldest, nip hoover over downstairs then work all day. Pick up other son from school, get eldest from the bus, eat then probably die in front of the TV, go to bed and then repeat. Very much the same for my wife.

Weekends are different, but that about sums up the week though.

You said you are trying to make life great for everyone else but my question for you is who is trying to make life great for you?

If it turns out no one is then I suggest you step back from supporting everyone else (except your dependents) and focus on supporting yourself. Make time for you.

Sign up for some evening classes such as
Pottery
Jewelry making
Learning a new language
Something short but fun and challenging??!!

Some great ideas already but there are really simple things you can do

Try and do something different/new every day -
Different route to work
Try a new sandwich/meal
Dance with the kids whilst waiting for cooking
Eat outside
Even change your screen saver
Change the bedtime routine one night

Tiny small changes that do not seem so daunting as starting a new group or exercise program - once you get in the spirit of new and different then you will find doing something bigger will feel a bit easier