To want some space after a argument?

[scrawnysunflower]

Argued with Dp over some messages, I don't feel it's resolved because I think he's still lying but we were going round in circles so I said let's leave it (we have young dc who are home). Only he wouldn't I came upstairs he followed to 'talk' about it. I went into the bathroom and locked the door and he stood outside talking through the door.

I grabbed my car keys and phone and I've left the house, he's been phoning and texting saying I'm being ridiculous and need to come home to discuss it with him. I just want some fucking space is that so wrong?

I need to go back soon as I've left the dc with him and the youngest is breastfeeding, but I just don't know how to deal with him and don't know if I'm being unreasonable not being willing to sort it out right now as he wants.

Yanbu, if you need space to sort your head out that's ok, he should respect that.

We all need sace, so long as you're not giving him the silent treatment but genuinely needing time to think it's ok to let him know that and then take the space.

I'm like you and when having a argument that keeps going round and round prefer to just take some time away and come back to it, where as my bf wants it sorted there and then 'cos he won't be able to sleep' but then we end up arguing more cos he won't give me space!

What do you do @Ticklemelmo?

I feel like just going to get the dc and going to my mums. But don't think he'll make that easy for me.

It's like he thinks if we keeps saying he done nothing wrong I'll just agree with him.

It's not clear from your OP whether you actually told him you just needed some space or whether you just kept walking away from him into different rooms and eventually out of the house. Perfectly fine to say "I don't want to discuss it right now, I need some space to think and then we'll talk later", but giving the silent treatment isn't ok.

Yes @MinisterForCheekyFuckery. I said we can discuss it later when the dc are in bed. Then he came upstairs and I said I don't want to talk about it now, he said he did. But he was just saying the exact same things so again I said let's leave it for now.

It’s because he needs to wear you down quickly, the quicker you think what he did is ok the better for him.
It speaks volumes about his guilt, he knows he is and needs to change your mind.
It could actually be worse than you think.

That's what it feels like @geekone. I need to go home though as he text that the baby is crying.

Nothing to stop you going to your Mums once he is at work...

It does sound like he intends to "wear you down".

It's quite natural to want a bit of space to cool off. When you're highly emotional you cannot see things clearly, however you know you have to go back because of your baby.

I'd say sleep on it, it won't hurt to leave discussion for another day.

Going to see your mum is helpful in many ways but she must wonder why - I hope you didn't give her too many details.

Good luck.

I haven't been to my mums @Lynda07. I just drove to the supermarket car park to sit for a bit, my mums too far away to go without my Dc.
I'd like to sleep on it, he just won't leave it alone.

I think that may be the plan tomorrow @RandomMess. Just need to get through tonight.

He sounds like a hard work. When you get home tell him you dont want to talk about it and keep repeating yourself until he gets the bloody message.

My DP is like you - needs space.

Usually though, they are being grumpy and carrying on a silly argument unnecessarily. Saying ' I need space' to someone who hasn't done anything wrong is really frustrating as it ruins whole days and usually on weekends. I hate having my life dictated to because someone can't discuss something calmly.

Eventually of course, she will say sorry but by then the day is ruined.

I'm your dp in this situation, for me it's not about wearing the other person down, it's about not wanting to leave on an argument. If dp left half way through I would be incredibly upset, what if something happened and the last words we had were angry?

Tbf to you though, we haven't argued about trust issues, it would probably be different if one of us felt the other had betrayed them. That's not a one conversation fix!

I think it's slightly different @coolwalking. I'm usually happy to talk it out, but we've spoken a few times now with no resolution. I didn't want to keep talking in front of our toddler and I didn't want to talk while breastfeeding our baby. Considering our talking, resulted in him getting mad and shouting and me getting upset. I don't think I was unreasonable in my request to wait until they were both asleep.

Hi OP. Hope your ok and can get away tomorrow.

Thank you @geekone. I'm planning to go to my mums, he's in DS's room tonight at least.

Good glad you are getting some space. Good luck OP