Parents refusing help

[PensionProblem]

On Friday DF text me that he had received an official letter from his state pension provider from abroad requesting him to pay tax, and asked me to help with it. It turned out that this was the second letter they had sent him as he did not follow the instructions of the first letter to provide evidence of why he should not pay tax (he sent them an email in English telling them he is poor, instead of filling in the required forms etc in the local language). In order to help him I needed to ask some questions and as soon as we got to a challenging one, he told me to leave the matter, he didn't want my help and he will sort it out.

The problem is that he does not have the ability to sort it and the default position is that he will have to pay thousands of pounds in tax, which will leave him destitute. He will not know what to do to get an exemption because he barely speaks the local language whereas I am fluent in it, and he's already demonstrated by how he responded to the first letter that he can't do it. Would I be unreasonable to let him get on with it rather than force myself into his business?

As background, my parents have always made poor decisions which has resulted in lost money, and when I have tried to help them they have hugely distrusted anything I have done for them even though there is no reason to (think screaming at me that I am trying to do something bad to them by asking them questions about their income when helping them with applying for benefits). I feel like I don't see why I should keep putting myself in this situation but at the same time i don't want to see them struggling to buy food because they have a massive bill to pay as a result of their incompetence.

Try not to beat yourself up about it. You can lead a horse to water and all that and you have tried repeatedly to get them to see sense.

Just be prepared and think ahead of what you are going to say/do when they come crying to you because they have zero money.

Email the German authorities and explain that they are in an exemption category but are too stubborn to accept any help but will quickly become destitute. Also think about which question they wanted you to butt out on? Also maybe find another German speaker and send a picture to them of a model ( look a pretty helper). In all seriousness just leave them to it, you tried but please speak to your father without your mother and tell him that if this all goes wrong it’s not his fault, everyone can see it’s your mothers. Tell him it is likely to go wrong.

We have already decided that we won't be giving them any money since they can't handle it responsibly.

They have told me to butt out of the whole matter and explicitly stated not to speak to any authorities. FIL actually suggested that I ring them and explain nicely asking for leniency, but he agreed I can't do that if my parents don't want me to. I thought it was my mum driving this but from conversations (where mum was present) he was also adamant that he didn't want me involved. Perhaps mum is rubbing off on him? My hands are tied. I remember times when we were so poor that we could barely eat so even though it's not my money it still hurts, especially knowing that they rather trust strangers on the street than me (and I mean that literally, my dad went to the embassy and spoke to people in the queue who he thought might look like they know stuff, they told him he has to pay tax but of course they don't know the ins and outs to be able to advise him of exemptions).

You wont let them starve. Leave them to it. Drops some bags of shopping round or gift card for supermarket if need be. You have done everything you can. You can reason with stupid

You sound like a lovely person OP, but really you have done as much as you can and you have to leave them to face the fallout. They sound awful and I'm afraid I would have given up long ago!

It's sad if it is going to have a big impact on their finances, but you offered help and were rejected, so they must face the consequences. They are adults and in charge of their own decisions, please don't feel guilty about anything.

If someone thought that little of me, I wouldn't be dropping food off. Direct them to food banks.