My adult child has been sectioned any advice please

[Solosttoday]

I would really appreciate some perspectives please.
Please please be kind, I don’t mind hearing I’m wrong but please be kind
I won’t give details because it is not about me per se but my child has been sectioned under s2.
What can I expect since they are over 18.
Are not eating or drinking.
My child has asked me not to visit.
We have an otherwise good relationship no big drama. They moved away and mental health got worse.
Is visitIng more than once a day in hospital too much. I was trying to be supportive and show I care. They don’t want me to. I am torn because of their mental state I would hate for them to feel abandoned. Staff have encouraged me to visit and to take food today but she asked me not to visit.
Any advice please ?

I would let the staff know that you want to be supportive, but @girlfrombackthen has given you all the relevant advice so that's great - from my own limited experience I also think your DD should get an independent advocate appointed by the local authority - that way its not just what the hospital wants; again ask staff if this has been arranged.

Haveing a relative that was sectioned it had to be done for her own good she did clam down a short whille later so she may not want contact as yet. Usually the ward staff are quite good for advice and updates to her condition.

Its not much fun for the paitent as well as relatives, the docs are mainly concerned with their paitents wellbeing not others involved in general.

I think you should take your lead from her doctors.

She may be too unwell to make the decision for you not to visit - but the doctor may feel it is best you do visit.

When you have been sectioned you do not know what is best for you - that is why you are sectioned.

Hope she gets the help she needs and starts feeling better soon.

Oh OP what an horrible situation to be in. My brother was sectioned a few times and often didn't wish to be visited, which was really difficult for my mum to accept. But I really think you should listen to the doctor's advice and just wait for your DD to be ready. With my brother I sent him a letter saying that I understood that he wanted to be alone for now, but that I loved him and for him to give me a call or write when he was ready. Of course it's not so easy when you're mum though and you have my deepest sympathies

@Solosttoday

I have little advice as I am fortunate enough to have not experienced this, but I am so sorry.

All you can do is be there if/when she needs you.

With a lovely, kind, concerned mother, I am sure she will come out the other side.

Is she your only one? Is her dad on the scene?

(((HUGS)))

* Fair enough but I thought as the nearest relative I would included ??? Should I expect to be ?*
I know she’s your child OP but in the eyes of the law she is an adult and even when sectioned whey continue to have rights.

Please don’t push.

When my brother was 5150'd (US equivalent of sectioned) due to alcohol abuse and suicidal ideation we were specifically told NOT to visit for the first 48 hours to give him time to settle and his team time to evaluate and get to know him. My brother then asked that we not visit him 'for awhile'. We respected his request and kept in touch with his team. I took supplies for him but did not try to see him or have messages from us passed to him after the first acknowledgement of his request. He eventually was 'ready' for us to see him and only then did we go.

If your DD has asked that you not see her, that is her right and you need to abide by it. Even if it's said in anger and/or in unfair blame. Leave her team to work with her.

Hi OP x

Just wanted to add my support to you at a very difficult time.

I was your child at 42 when my marriage disintegrated in bizarre fashion tipping me into a state of psychosis. You don't mention if psychosis is any part of your childs diagnosis but if it is, I can offer my perspective. It felt as though every memory and experience had been tipped out of its filing cabinet and then jammed back in randomly. Everything that would normally seem inconsequential became hugely, symbolically significant. Paranoia was a huge symptom and the conviction that I could not trust anyone no matter how kind or rational they sounded. It was down to my trust being utterly destroyed by my ExH's actions. it turned my world upside down and nothing made sense. I refused visits and contact for good few weeks and my family was immensely confused and hurt and only after I was released could I re-build relationships and explain fully that I had lost touch with reality - it wasn't them it was me and it was a defence mechanism until medication and time out allowed me to get my thoughts in order without the worry of upsetting visitors.

So hard though it is, if you can respect the wishes of your child and accept it as part of a healing or therapeutic process it will be massively helpful to them. My Mum would ring most days for an update and the staff would tell her how I was doing while respecting my decision to keep family at arms length.

That said, I recognise how hurtful is must have seemed at the time, and wish we all could have been spared the trauma of it.

I truly wish you and your child the very best outcome - may this period help with a positive recovery and future outcome for you all.

My sibling didn't really want to be visited either - but did want cigs, food, clean clothes ect. to be brought in. I will add that this was probably 10 years ago if that makes a difference.

I think that sometimes patients really need to take a break from their everyday life and the people in their life so that they can just concentrate on their treatment and cope with being in the hospital.
It must be hard as you just want to help.
There may also be an element of not wanting to be seen by anyone when they are feeling so terrible.

I think that if you are working and 5 hours away, you should save your time off for when your daughter wants you there. - maybe in a few weeks, she will want you there. But I think you need to respect her wishes but be prepared for her to change her mind at any time. The best thing you can do now is to make sure she has everything she needs in terms of clothing and any extra food ect.

Best wishes to you.

I think be guided by the staff (as long as they know her, as opposed to a general comment) rather than her, on what is helpful for her. If they think your visits are good for her then visit. Normally I’d say if someone doesn’t want to see you than accept that - but I don’t think that rule applies when there is such a serious mental health issue. It is possible for her to both need to see you and at the same time push you away 😭

I am sorry this must be so hard for both of you I hope things get better soon xx

Just make sure there’s nothing with cords in (hoody/pyjamas/bag handles)

That's a point. A section 2 is a long distant memory for me and each place is different re stuff with zips, belts, loops, hoods etc. Ring the ward first and ask before taking clothes in as they just end up getting shit cut off or confiscated until they leave.

I remember when I was at the 'health spa', I didn't want anybody to visit me either. I didn't want anyone to see how low I had sunk, to see what had become of me. Vicious in the loony bin. Ten years later, I realise that people wanted to see me because they loved me but it's just so difficult to see when you are ill. So please don't lose heart OP, this is her illness talking.

Practically, patients can receive post so you might like to send a few notes/cards. Is she a smoker? Will she need cigs/baccy/papers? Does she enjoy the odd packet of sweets? Whist the staff on the ward may well offer to go to the shop once a day, it's just as likely that they don't have the time.

Thank you so much for your perspectives and thoughts. I feel for all of you that have been through painful mental health difficulties.

I think you are right that I should step back, she
knows I love her and have always supported without judgement.

@OldQueen1969
to post had especially touched me because it really is similar to her. Ok so I need to give her space to be in hospital without worrying about what people (including me) think about her being there.

@Sarahandco yes you are right she needs to concentrate on getting well.

It’s hard to respond individually on my phone but thank you to everyone who has commented . It means a lot to get perspectives and bring me back to thinking of her and not what I as her mum want to do.

@ViciousJackdaw. Actually that’s really helpful to think of it like that.

Thanks everyone and best best wishes for positive mental health

I just want to add my support. Your loved one will be entitled to a IMHA (independent mental health advocate) when sectioned.

They can help and support to make sure your loved ones views and wishes are heard regarding their treatment, plans, care and to challenge these and ask questions.
It can be especially helpful as IMHA's are totally independent from the hospital. Wishing you all the best

Thank you Lou
I will ask her if the hospital have told her about the IMHA. Good to know she can independent support.

I have little to add to the advice that has already been given. However, my eldest son was sectioned two years ago. He did not want any visitors for the first few days and I think he was not really well enough for visits. However, this did change and I was able to see him much more regularly.

Thinking of you.

Sorry to hear of your daughter's, and everyone's experiences. It is positive to read how so many of you have been able to recall your time of ill mental health and offer advice and perspective. I don't have any new advice or information unfortunately.
As someone who works with those who are suffering with their mental health experiences, you are not automatically entitled to be involved or have information about your daughter, especially if she has been assessed as having mentally capacity. She will be entitled to have an IMHA who can attend any and all meetings and ward rounds with her. There should also be a named nurse for her on the ward, to build relationships with her to support her, and she might agree to them passing on information to you.
There will also be a 'carers support service' provided by the local authority for all carers, not just MH who should be able to assist you.
If you are 5 hours away, as others say, i would save your visits to a time less regular for now, but still call her, just so she knows you want to support her, even if it does not end in a conversation.
Btw what is everyone's preference to call it - 'ill mental health' 'poor mental health' 'mental health' 'mental health illness'? It is hard to know what is the preferred term.
Wishing you all positive and well mental health xxx

Thank you for the info good to know where we stand . Even if, as I suspect she will not us involved for the reasons pp have given about not being well enough and not wanting to be seen how they are.
I don’t think people should be overly offended if someone doesn’t use their preferred term for mental health or mental illness.
We need to keep conversation going so people don’t feel ashamed to discuss it. This has been part of my daughter’s anxiety, that people will think she is weak. She is not she is unwell, not her choice, not her fault.
All the very best to anyone effected by mental health.

I had a close relative who was sectioned. Just agreeing with others that you should give her space. Imagine how awkward and maybe upsetting if you turn up and she doesn't want you there. You have to follow her wishes. I'm sure that after a while she absolutely will want someone there for her but right now is feeling bewildered and embarrassed. My relative was trying to be jolly and acting like it was a nice hotel stay. Denial is a big part of mental illness. I wish you both all the best, you can get through this.

How capacity assessed?
Is it done separately to the section?

I assumed they are separate ?

Thanks days
Yes she does try, I know it’s hard but I thought it would help to laugh .... so much to learn. Stepping back will help take pressure off I see now.

Mental capacity is assessed for each and every decision they make. It can be financial or living conditions, to capability to know if they can take medication etc If you look on Mind website, they have some quite easy to digest information.

Ok thanks meandmyhamster

If a person does not want you visiting or the staff advise you not to , please take heed but don't get upset over it. You can still bring things in for the patient and someone will collect them off you. We often have to deal with (normally) parents and friends who are not allowed to see the patient for various reasons:

1: Patient does not want to see them for whatever reason.

1. They are patient's drug dealer and we have found out.
2. A 'friend' bringing in alcohol/drugs
3. Know pest coming in to throw their weight around.

Although it is understandable that a family member gets upset that they cannot visit a patient, we have to think of the patient first. Sometimes they do get upset by a well meaning relative visiting. It can change from day to day though.

You can’t block her appealing but she’s unlikely to be successful. It’s incredibly difficult to section someone for not eating and drinking. It won’t have been done lightly.

Are you the eldest of her parents? So her Nearest Living Relative? If so, they will keep you informed but she still has a right to confidentiality so you might not be able to attend meetings etc.
Why doesn’t she want you to be at meetings? I would suggest respecting that if at all possible. It’s hideous being sectioned, even worse when power is given to people you don’t want to have power over you.