DH is never 'in the moment'

[mostwonderfultime]

DH works really hard and is extremely driven. He achieves A LOT at work and at home. He is also generous and a good person. He is extremely well respected and often head hunted as he has such a good reputation because all his work goes without a hitch. The flip side of this is that he is constantly thinking about his current project - be it at home or work. He thinks about it to the finest detail and then executes it to perfection. This means he is nearly always elsewhere mentally which is extremely annoying at times. Anyone else experience this in their OH? I want to know how to bring him to the present.

He needs to learn to quieten and concentrate his mind - through doing inner work. Meditation, yoga, mindfulness and chakra training.

Do you think he wants to learn how to be more in the moment? Suggestions of how he can do this won't help if he doesn't see a problem with it. Have you talked to him about it directly?

He is aware he does this and would like to be able to switch off. Are there courses on mindfulness?

There are meditation apps, like headspace.
My oh has a v stressful job, found it difficult to switch off etc. He does headspace twice a day -ten mins morning and evening most days. It helps him so much!!

Does he want to be in the moment, or does he find daily life dull?

I think we all know people like this. He obviously can be in the moment because that is how he is able to execute his work diligently and with attention to detail.

The thing is - he doesn’t value home/family stuff as much as those work projects. That’s why he is not in the moment. So he needs to value them. Because I don’t really think he is likely to change unless he values the thing he is doing at that moment.

@bumpertobumper thank you that sounds great I will definitely have a look.

Following. I struggle with this too.

@PersonaNonGarter

Do you think this is always true?

I do it too. I make myself listen and spend time doing other things but there is a part of me that is always thinking a certain way. It is my default, I think

There's something in the way you describe it. "He achieves a lot at home." as if being at home was a bit of a task led competition. If he's not mentally there for you at home I'd say that is not really "achieving" I agree with @PersonalNonGarter's comment about needing to value family stuff as much as projects.. Can you get him one of those books about quality time and tell him that's a project?

Yes, it’s true. The issue here is that some people (mainly men) consider their home lives/families a kind of wallpaper that they are entitled to and which facilitates them being able to do Their Real Stuff. They don’t have to engage because their families allow them to be like this - no need to work at it.

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is a famous book about mindfulness and it is very good - he could read that, or get the audiobook if he's too busy to read.

I love guided meditation too, I use the Calm app because I don't like the Headspace blokes voice, but if he can find something he likes that will help too.