Am I in the wrong here?

[ungratefulparrot]

I've tried posting before but TBH I think it all sounds like a jumbled up mess and it's too long.
Apologies and thank you to anyone who take the time to reply.

Basically I've been down a for a couple of days and my DP noticed and asked what's wrong. So I told him what was bothering me at the time i.e. the inability to upsize in our area where we really want to stay, as we talked I got upset and it also went to my general frustration at how I feel I've not done things how I always told myself I would get married first, buy a house, have DCs. Instead we got engaged , cue surprise pregnancy, putting of the wedding due to various reasons (still not married), certain things going very wrong meaning we are in a house which is rapidly getting small for us with no current prospects to upsize.
I expressed to him how I'm really happy with him and our DCs and that these things just get to me sometimes.

To be honest come to think of it I've had a recent sudden bereavement in the family, a distant relative my age who left behind a DC same age as my eldest and even though we haven't seen each other or spoken in years the reality of it hit home a bit probably due to their age - I feel like things are getting to me more and things like the house etc which wouldn't usually be such a huge deal are popping up in my head.

DP completely didn't get my frustration and in the end I feel he took it personally like I was blaming it on him/he wasn't able to provide which wasn't my issue at all and I told him I was really happy with him.

Since then we've barely spoken unless it's to discuss dinner/DCs/ where's xyz as he has been really distant and I can tell from his tone of voice he does not want to get into a conversation unless I initiate it and then it feels like he's a bit of an unwilling participant.
Since this morning he's also been pointing out how the house is a mess/ dishes haven't been done properly/ we aren't on top of things/ DCs nails need cutting / insert thing here.

We are now on day 4 of this.
I feel like crap and like I'm an ungrateful cow for even discussing things as he clearly did not like what I said.
It's a weekend which we should be spending as a family doing something nice and instead I'm getting the cold shoulder and keep tearing up. I feel like I have failed because he is right the house is a mess.

I'm a mess, and I'm doing everything we have a disservice.

But on the other hand I feel really hurt that his reaction to me being upset and talking things through with him was to turn cold and withdraw from me.

A part of me wants to make things better but a part of me feels really stand offish with him and want him to actually reach out for once.

AIBU and am I in the wrong ?

I would go to your GP, you sound like you may be depressed. If you are, you might not be aware of all your recent behaviour around him. Living with someone who is depressed can be tough. Tougher for the depressed person, but still.

Honestly, I can hand on heart say I wouldn’t be upset by your complaints. I like to think I’d be a better person, but I’m human. You say the house is becoming too small and there was an accidental pregnancy - but you have more than one child. If I was by far the main earner (so the one whose salary would get the mortgage) I would feel that as a criticism, potentially. Again, I’d like to think I’d be a better person - but who knows?

I think he’s at a loss dealing with a depressed partner and feeling like he’s getting blamed.

I don’t like his housework comments... but you say yourself you’re letting things slide from usual behaviour. That’s another reason I wonder about depression. It makes me think that his admonitions on the housework are a reflection of the unhelpful (but not meanly intended) tendency of the non depressed to think they can by telling you to “pull yourself together”.

He’s not behaving well, but I think your priority should be to talk to your GP.

I don't think he behaves like a child tbh. Op's reaction to unhappiness is crying at any given time. His is frustration like this. Both sound annoying, but that's how they each deal with it.
You know how there is always talk of women being conditioned by society to do x and y. Men have the same. They are told, even if not in so many words, that they must provide and be manly. Men don't cry...
There was a report from the most deprived places and the men the said they felt suicidal because they failed as man by not being able to provide for their families. Same way like women say here they feel they failed as a mother because house isn't clean. But on top of that. Men don't cry...
And that's where problems lie.

Just want to add that even though I said both are annoying, I still think OP should go to the GP.