About school mum and tiktok

[Ihatesocialmedia]

I'll try and keep this brief. My child is 8yo and in year 3, most of the children in year 3 do not have a mobile phone yet but there is one child who is really 'cool' and has a mobile. She also has her own instagram and Tiktok accounts.
I dont use social media myself as for me it really isnt good for my mental health. I also dont put photos out there for anyone to do whatever with.
Anyway this child asked mine around for a playdate, I wasn't keen as there doesnt seem to be any rules for this kid and her mum literally will bend over backwards to give her anything she wants but I was cornered in the playground and said yes.
When my child came home she said ask the mum to send you the videos they were doing so I text her and she sent me a load of videos that the kids had been making that were already uploaded to the child's tiktok account!!!
I was so angry but I calmly explained I dont do social media and she said oh dont worry the account is private. I felt really awkward but I left. A few days later my child was able to show her older cousins the videos on their tiktok accounts that she was easily able to find due to the girls account in fact not being private. I then told the mum my findings and she has since deleted the videos at my request.
She also sent me a screenshot of the privacy settings that were set to private and claimed she didnt understand how we had managed to find the videos, but then funnily enough we were unable to find the account after that so she has clearly lied about the account being private and changed it when I notified her.

I've since found out that the girl knew all along her account wasnt private as she wanted to get as many likes as possible. I find this all so depressing for an 8 year old.

AIBU to think you don't put pictures and videos of other peoples kids online without asking the parent?!

What her kid and your kid do is kinda upto them but her kid shouldnt have access to tiktok and instagram, way to many perverts on there, it's all image based so she's clearly a young child with free reign on the internet and men are going to see that and message her, her mum needs to step up and secure her more.

I have posted elsewhere that children i.e under the age of 18 should not be allowed on social media or have a phone that can do more than make and receive voice calls.
Social media leaves them wide open to abuse in many forms.

I think every parent has different rules and boundaries. This particular parent is clearly way more relaxed than most parents of 8 year olds (I have the image of the mum from mean girls who says "I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom") and it sounds like you knew this before letting your child go round there. Maybe the mum did think the account was private and the child changed it which won't be hard to work out how to do. The situation is done now but in future keep playdates at yours with this child so you can monitor what goes on.
It does sound like this child has too much internet freedom and could potentially be at risk of harm, I don't see what you can do though as her parent is aware of it.

I would not be happy at all. My oldest son is a similar age. He does not have a phone or I pad. I allow him to watch you tube on the family tv whilst I'm there and he enjoys minecraft and kids prank videos which are appropriate.
I absolutely would not want videos of him and his friends on the internet particularly without my knowing.
Thank god the mum acted when you raised your concerns. This child has too much free reign and shes failing to safeguard her.

Don’t let them spend time together again if you have concerns. But atleast she did delete them when you asked.

My nephew turned 6 last week, he’s had his own phone and snapchat since he turned 5. My son will not be following that! You have your own boundaries.

www.facebook.com/1319868978/posts/10222058253268267/ this is why children shouldn't be on it

There Is no way I would allow snap chat. I wouldnt want them to have it as teenagers. Too many horror stories and bullying.

Tiktok's own rules say users must be 13+ to have an account so they must have lied to get her on it. Most social media accounts have this minimum age. So regardless of individual parenting, an 8 year old is far too young.

Yanbu

It’s not an AIBU, is it?
It’s wanting to complain about the other parent - which is fair enough.
Whatever you think about an 8yo having access to TikTok, it’s never acceptable to post someone else’s child online.
My 12yo has a private account that is only unlocked when she’s actually with me. She loves the video making - I think it’s great fun, and I allow it, supervised. Same when she was 11. Hell would freeze over before I’d let her upload a video with another child in it.

Have you asked the other mum to take the videos down as you don't consent to your DD being on social media? Have you told the other mum that the videos are easily accessible?

I wouldn't be happy

But then again, I wouldn't have agreed to allow my child to go to her house, whether I was 'cornered in the playground' or not.

At least she's deleted them.

I wouldn't care about the account being private, I would want the videos deleted and I would not allow my kid there again

Someone posted photos of my children on Facebook when they were under 13. I reported it to FB and the photos were removed. I don't know if you can do the same with Tiktok?

I wouldn’t allow my child to go there again- and would encourage her to make other friends. Both because of the concern that something like this might happen again, and because I do not think a child of this young age should be recording his/her games on social media, it is narcissistic and image centred. I would not want my daughter encouraged down this path so early.

Plus if this child came for a playdate at my house I would make it clear to the other mother in advance that the child would need to give me her phone to look after, or not bring it- and if this is unacceptable, I wouldn’t have her round to play at my house either.

Very sad she is using social media so young.

This is another article about Tiktok, albeit it went by a different name in the past. It's an eye-opening read humanparts.medium.com/porn-is-not-the-worst-thing-on-musical-ly-5df07ab842af?fbclid=IwAR3_qEwPZkE_r5ss8_t9zUu9g_b41czpOigwJDQhTtPJ_B2XBo17TNcn1sA

The issue is with many parents is they let their kids access social media "because everyone else has it" but don't know how it works or how to set privacy settings or have sat down with their kids and talked about internet safety.

All social media, as part of their Terms of Service have free access to your content, to use it as they see fit, even if it's set to private. Everyone that signs up to it, including kids using their own email address, should know what they are signing up to. Once posted, your content can be used by others - they can take copies and distribute it. That is against the ToS, but people still do it.

How many here have read Mumsnet's Terms and Conditions? Mumsnet can also use your posts.

@Ihatesocialmedia You did the right thing contacting the mum, and her then deleting it.

Do you think the child had turned the privacy setting off, since the mum seemed so sure?

It personally wouldn’t bother me.

My daughter watches tik tok all the time and I watch stuff with her.

Don’t see a massive issue as I presume the account gets monitored by her mum.

My daughter doesn’t have insta but she follows some youtubers on my account and occasionally asks to see what they have been up to.

She loves the video making - I think it’s great fun, and I allow it, supervised

So why the need to share them in SM?

You are putting your child and her future at risk. Sad when grown ups don’t see it.

@GreenTulips before you criticise my parenting, you might like to check where I’m my post I said that they were shared on SM? She has a private account, makes videos - when supervised in the room with me - and saves those to a private account that is shared with anyone 🤷🏻‍♀️

*isn’t shared with anyone

You are putting your child and her future at risk.

What the F. How is a bit of harmless video making putting her future at risk. Absolutely bonkers to suggest such a thing.

My Daughter is 8 years old, In this day and age social media is a given I think, just a sign of the times as sad as that is. Lets all remember when I was a child in the 90s I was able to play with my school friends out in the street after school or on a weekend. You can't do that these days because it simply isn't safe enough. Yes there are dangers surrounding social media, but as parents we should be educating our children how to stay safe online. I wouldn't be happy at the thought of videos of my Daughter being uploaded to a public forum either that being said.

Making a video on a phone to show family and friends Is complete different to posting it on social media.
I fimed my kids and my.best friends kids singing and dancing at Christmas. They were talking to the camera like you tubers and had fun. I filmed it and whats apped it to the other kids mum who was in the room with me and wanted to show her partner when she got home. They also wanted to watch it later on themselves.
They can make videos and have fun but as parents you ensure you control who and where this is shared to.