Feel like new husband neglects me

[Emm8s]

Hi all, I'm not sure if I'm in the right to be honest so after opinions.... Ill try and give the background but keep it brief.

We've been together 4 years, only married for 6 and I'm also pregnant with our wedding night baby, so 6m pregnant.

I left my happy life where I was always out with friends, to live with him 3 years ago, to a small village where I didnt know anyone really. I work on my own so struggle to make friends, I have a couple of friends locally but not really good friends or people that I have much in common with. I feel a bit lonely here and he never invites me out with him anymore (he used to before I moved). Now I'm pregnant he says there's no reason I can't still go out, which I would be more than happy to. but he still doesnt invite me when he goes out every weekend, even though there's no reason I can't go and watch a band and not drink, as he quite rightly says. My friends are all over an hours drive away and although I still go and see them during the week etc , I don't go out out now - I don't suppose anyone would be interested in spending a Saturday night with a sober preggo so I don't ask. Neither do they.

I just feel like I've gone from being a sociable person to this anxious shut in with no friends. He hasn't tried to help me integrate and doesn't even consider inviting me or staying in with me, or doing something just the two of us even. I feel miserable. I've told him, he says he understands but nothing changes.

Whenever I make plans with my friends, ie to a gig or a festival, I always invite him (he usually comes) but he never thinks to do the same. Any thing we do together is usually planned by me (holidays, dates, weekends away etc) and I feel like he is putting in minimum effort. He's recently booked a gig with some friends, a gig we've been to together (when I booked it for his birthday) so he knows I would enjoy it but presumably I'm staying at home with the baby?!

I absolutely love him with all my heart but I'm starting to question whether I've made the right decision in moving here, marrying him and having his baby (which he wanted more than I did). I feel nothing like the old me and now he accuses me of making myself a recluse and not wanting him to go out (he goes out weekly and I've never stopped him, sometimes I might be a bit huffy coz he could ask me if I want to go with him once in a while but he doesn't even though there's usually couples). Tonight I had a text off a friend he was meeting saying I should go out with them all as there was a group going , he knew about the text, but still just said '' you don't mind if I go for a few pints do you? ''. I couldve said I'm coming with you but I felt unwanted so I didn't and off he went.

I'm just so lost at the moment and trying to feel positive and happy for my baby but I feel lonely and worthless and like I'm the only one making any effort. I honestly hate the new me and feel like I've let myself become someone I don't even like. The old me would be hosting the saturday night house party, the new me is sitting feeling like a worthless piece of sh*t. Obviously I'm hormonal and probably needier than usual but am I being unreasonable?? Or is he taking me for granted like I definitely feel like he is?!! Help!!!

Yes, he’s neglecting you. What is the point of him in your life if you’re excluded from his?

Well you’re married to him now OP and pregnant so he doesn’t have to make any effort. And he certainly isn’t is he?!

it sounds pretty lonely. Your DH now has you living with him and pregnant and doesnt invite you out with him and blames you for being a recluse. I think you need to have a chat with him about how your feeling. If it was me I would go to my mums house for a week and really reflect on where I am at.

It will probably feel worse when baby comes-maybe try to do separate things from him too- there might be a group or something for young expectant mums in your area? It’s not great what you describe but it’s likely there’s a reason you feel this way - I.e. your feelings are legitimate. You have to try to maintain your own sense of self in some way even if that means going back home for a weekend and meeting your friends ( without him) - you seem to have given up a lot for him and he is not reciprocating at a time you feel vulnerable that’s not great. Don’t be one of those people that loses themselves in a relationship. If others are inviting you along you are not unwanted and it seems his friends have even picked up he is leaving you out by inviting you themselves. Hope you feel better.

Could you give him an ultimatum and see if he changes? YANBU.

YANBU. He should be inviting you out with him, very strange that he’s keeping you out of his life even though your married. However his friends are inviting you - you’re not unwanted op they want you to go. It’ll only get worse when baby is born op unfortunately, put your foot down with your Husband.

You sound as though you feel that you may have made a mistake.
You need to tell him how he is making you feel.
It’s not ok that he excludes you from outings, particularly as other couples will be there.
Time to talk.
Good luck OP.

A few issues 1, he may think being six months pregnant you don,t want to be drinking and going to gigs.?
and two since you haven't made a conscious effort to go out or tell him your going with him perhaps he thinks your content. You need to make your voice heard. TEll him how your feeling and do something about it you seem to be very passive letting him go out feeling begrudged but not doing anything about it.

Honestly OP I wouldn't wait for him to 'invite' you out. I'd just go out with him! Surely most married couples do socialise together at weekends? Has he said he doesn't want you there?

Just go with him. Be ready and at the door when he leaves. Just assume you're going out together.

Yes, he is being thoughtless and quite rude. Have you discussed how he sees his social life continuing once the baby arrives? If you're feeling like this now it will only feel worse once the baby arrives and you are dealing with the same issues on less sleep.

It would be nice if one of the weekend nights could be a date night for the pair of you rather than him just going out drinking with his mates every Friday and Saturday. Does he drink a lot? Is it that he would rather see his friends than see you or is it that he would rather drink and doesn't feel like he can do that with his heavily pregnant wife in tow?

Or does he have one particular friend that he wants to see? Just wondering why he wouldn't want you there when there are other couples attending unless he was doing something he shouldn't be doing...

With a new baby 3 months away I would be pissed off that he was spending so much money on booze rather than saving it for the upcoming mat leave period when you will need some extra.

I think you need a big talk to get this all out in the open.

Also, could you go and stay with a friend in the town where you used to live? A night out /night in with the girls might help you feel more like your old self.

Hope he stops being so selfish and starts supporting you more in future 💐

You're married. You don't need a formal invitation to go along with him. He's already said you're becoming reclusive and you'd be welcome to go out with him, so go!
Why, when he says "you don't mind if I go for a few drinks, do you?" don't you reply "You don't mind of I come too, do you".
That'd be a natural reply in my home!

I think he's being a tad insensitive, but this isn't anything that can't be repaired. If you want it to.

He's not stopping you going out anywhere. He's not controlling you.
You just don't feel like he's giving you enough attention or formally inviting you somewhere (somewhere where he has said he'd like you to go along tovAND his friends are texting you telling you that you should be there).

I don't think either of you are right or wrong, just muddled.

You need to start doing a bit more. If you do, you'll feel better. Likewise, you'll reconnect.

I presume he works?
So when baby comes, you're going to need to get out the house or your baby will be a very isolated child. He won't be able to be there every time with you so get used to doing some social stuff alone.
Don't forget, with a baby you'll get lots of opportunities to do things with other mums (if you want to) and see people in playgrounds, baby activities, support groups, cafes etc.

Making new friends is hard and takes a lot of proactive work.

This isn’t a good way for him to treat you. He should be bringing you into his social circle since you’ve moved away from yours. I would honestly consider moving back.

Is he specifically not inviting you, or is he just assuming that you don't want to go?

Just tell him you're going along. I think part of the problem may be if you start saying you don't want to go he'll stop asking and simply assume you don't, this may be whats happening. When the text came did you say to him 'X has asked if we're going out, good it'll make a change, I'll drive'

Sounds like you're starting to retreat into your shell.

Yeah sorry this is only going to get worse when baby arrives :(

Tell him you are moving back