To find this work colleague a bit odd?

[Matildathehun77]

Hi! I've been in a new work place now for about four months. I'm enjoying it and the other people are really friendly. Just something is niggling at me. One colleague I've noticed ..... will call her Fiona, is lovely, friendly and helpful but she does this odd thing where she avoids touching me (will put an object down on a surface for me to pick up rather than handing it to me for example. She also manages to put some sort of physical barrier between us most of the time. Eg will lean on the other side of a cupboard to chat to me or if I sit next to her she'll pull another chair in between us "to put her bag on"
She's not avoiding me and is friendly and complimentary. I'm clean and don't smell (I'm pretty sure I don't) so wtf is going on here? Is she odd or am I being ridiculously over sensitive?

I'm probably a bit like that.

I hate being physically close to people other than my children.

To quote another thread, it gives me the 'ick'.

People drawing a chair up next to me makes me feel slightly murderous.

People have different versions of the amount of personal space they need around them. I wouldn't worry about it. You don't know what has happened to result in her needing more space than you.

She may have OCD or hate people being too close. I’m not too keen on folk sitting beside me in meetings and I sometimes get into the meeting room early to remove the seat beside where I sit (often I’m presenting on a screen, so need to sit in a particular seat)

I’m like that.
I hate being close to other people, it makes me feel ill.
unless I married you or gave birth to you, keep away.

It's clearly some psychological issue. Maybe OCD. Calling her "odd" isn't really on. She isn't doing it for laughs, clearly.

Does she do the same to others?

Sorry @Bezalelle didn't mean to cause offence, I've been taking it quite personally and asking friends to be honest about whether I smell or invade personal space (they said no) but it's helpful to know that it could be an issue with her or a part of her personality.

I think it's probably her 'thing' rather than anything tondi with you. Maybe ocd or a phobia

I don't think it's nice to call her odd. She isn't doing it for the shits and giggles so it clearly bothers her.

I'm someone who really needs my personal space. I get panicked and irritated when people stand to close to me in a checkout queue. No idea why I just really don't like it! Even dh gets told to back off sometimes when we're on the sofa talking!

@Matildathehun77 don’t take it personally. Like I said, I’m the same.

I think it’s probably her, not you. I have a weird kind of claustrophobia in crowds of people, and until I know someone well it triggers that if they get close to me. I have had to ask people not to sit right next to me before 🙈 so I’m sure they have thought I’m really rude!

Does she do the same to others?

Not to the same extent no but they're a close knit team and she's known most of them for years. The other day a girl was in tears, she was chatting to her very kindly for a while but then turned to another colleague and said "I think she needs a hug" looking quite worried, they swapped places and colleague gave the hug whilst Fiona sort of pottered off...... so maybe she is a bit.

I don't think it's nice to call her odd. She isn't doing it for the shits and giggles so it clearly bothers her

Again I apologise, it was poorly worded as I like her very much and am really just trying to work out if the issue is my fault.

I would just ignore it, OP - sounds like she is like this with everyone and seems to have an issue with being in close proximity to people.

It would be she has social anxiety like myself.People call me odd and I don't care.Sounds like she has had a bad experience and needs to fully trust people before she lets them in.
I know a guy who used to hate.being touched or hugged by anyone.

Sounds like she has personal space issues and they've become less with people she knows well. But obv still there if she could t hug someone. Try not to take it personally.
You could ask someone over a brew if it seems appropriate

It’s not you, it’s her! Don’t worry about it, just respect it by not attempting to touch her / move closer / remove her barriers. You’ll be fine.

I think once you realise that some people just need lots more personal space and lots less contact than what you consider normal you will probably stop thinking of her as odd.

I have managed people who have been similar and one member of staff who even used to keep their phone inside a plastic bag because they were terrified of germs. People can't help how they feel about things like this and often just respecting their boundaries is all that's needed to make you both feel more comfortable.

Not sure why people are criticising your use of the word ‘odd’, unless they are piling on without actually bothering to look it up in a dictionary. Her behaviour is the definition of odd - it’s not what you expect and strikes you as strange. Not really the same as calling her a freak or unhinged.

I’d continue to observe her own preferred ways if interaction - plenty of space, not handing things directly. If you’ve been reassured that it’s not you, then she may be having some quite serious intrinsic discomfort about personal space or hygiene / health worries.

*of