To ask how to not care about things that piss me off?

[BackyardChickens]

Loads of things piss me off. My husband says I need to just ‘not care’ or ‘forget about it’ ... but how do you actually do that?

Thank you

you sound like my dh and i'm your dh , i try to divert his attention or change the subject [easier said than done sometimes] otherwise he'd be on repeat

By trying to stop thinking about it, hard though!

Depends what it is that's pissing you off...

Why should you? Everyone has a different tolerance for stress. Perhaps your OH needs to care more, not you less.

Are you angry because you want world to be a better place or because you feel personally injured (or someone you care about is injured)?

Do you think you being angry will make things better?

I'm not a very emotional person, so I don't understand how people so much energy into caring about many things. If you didn't get angry would you get sad instead?

It totally depends on what's annoying you! What are some examples?

I play a game with myself - 'so what' / 'what if'

So you follow the 'what if' about whatever it is that you are so angry about and generally you end up sounding a bit unhinged.

Eg DH booked us train tickets for a grand family day out - big rush to get to station in time, everyone very excited, bloody idiot booked using a railcard that wasn't valid for another 30 minutes so had to hang about in the station

Initially I was really fucked off with him as he always makes stupid mistakes like this when I pass over anything wife work like.

But - so what? We had to get up and rush this morning? So what? But I could have had another 30 minutes in bed? So what? We now have to sit an entertain kids for 30 minutes? So what? We weren't on a schedule at the other end, we didn't need to be anywhere. It was fine...

I often say "If this is the most annoying thing that happens to me (today/this week/this month/this year) then I will be a very lucky woman"

Puts everything into perspective.

When I was married lots of things pissed me off. XH was the source of most of them...

Just ask yourself will it matter this time next week?

Would it help you to decide where your thoughts are falling into which of these three categories:
Area of concern - worries you but you can’t do anything about it (outcome of Brexit negotiations, pandemic etc, traffic conditions)
Area of influence - family, friends, work colleagues
Area of control - what you can directly impact.
Spending too much time thinking about things that you can’t control and wishing they were different can make you very miserable. Eg you cant control others’ actions but you can control your response to it etc etc

We're the reverse in our house. DH gets het up about nothing all the time. I'm pretty chill the vast majority of the time.

Depends entirely on context?

Thank you all for your input.

It’s mainly to do with other people. Other people’s bad manners in their cars in particular.

Depends what it is, a cause you're passionate about and can actively do something by giving your time and effort to change the bad bits is commendable.

Ranting about the youth of today without doing anything, not so much.

If you find yourself caught in a cycle of negativity about something because you care, try and get a different perspective on it.
Does it affect your daily life?
To what degree?
Can you change it?
To stop you feeling aggrieved about it would other people have to do things differently and if so would it be reasonable to request them to do so?

It really does depend what it is.
Sometimes if things annoy you it's less self-destructing to realise you have no control over it and let it go.

I've seen people fume silently with anger and frustration and froth about the appearance of a neighbour's property which to my eyes wasn't an eyesore, I've seen a lot, lot worse.

A lot of it is choosing to be peeved about things you have no control over, you can equally choose not to care, it's much easier than it sounds.

Next time something that you have no control over pees you off, ask yourself what do you want to spend your time doing, being affronted by things you can't control, or having a great time with your family?

Very insightful post Blank thank you.

Something I was told as a youngster that has stayed with me is 'does it matter in the light of eternity?' It was something said at a Bible study, but I probably recall it every day. Some things do matter in the light of eternity. Most everyday 'piss-off' things don't.

Mindfulness, imagining the irritation passing by like the weather

If you find out, let me know!

Here’s what I learned to do.

I think “will this still bother me in a year?”

Then I allow myself to be annoyed. I give myself permission to feel what I do but if I know it’s minor I know it will blow over. If it will still annoy me, I’ll figure out what I need to do about it.

It works for me and I’m now pretty laid back about 95% of the time.

I write it down if its something really bugging me that Icant let go of then I re read it and rip it up or burn it..once i cannot read it anymore I say right its gone and done with and then Imove on..it works it really does.You can stay in my head as long as I can read you then when I cant you have to go! Thing is you have to get down everything you need to say to clear your mind.