DH constantly worrying about what other people think

[PissyPantsPeach]

We live in a detached house so don’t really have neighbours as such, we have two other houses that share our driveway as well as houses behind us. DH is constantly worried about what they think about stuff. Example a dodgy looking bloke knocked on our door and asked if we’d lost our dog. I think he was checking to see if we had dogs personally as it was so random so I told DH that I would send a message to our neighbour and tell her to keep a look out for him. DH said no as he “didn’t want everyone knowing” ??!! Another one was that we have a little cloakroom toilet downstairs and I went in and it really smelt bad. I shouted to DH “it stinks in here, have you had diarrhoea?” And he snapped “do you mind?? The windows are open!!” ?? So what?!

Then this morning there appears to be a problem with the drains/sewers. I said I’d message the neighbour to ask if they’re experiencing it and DH said not too as they don’t need to be involved.

He’s so nervous and paranoid all the time it’s driving me mad!

Yeah he sounds really annoying. Is he usually like this?

He sounds quite reserved.

I shouted to DH “it stinks in here, have you had diarrhoea?”

This was just rude though!

Is there by reason for him to be paranoid about these things? Anything worrying him? Other than the neighbours finding out he’s had diarrhoea (I would be mortified if my DH shouted that at me too ).

Sounds like he's got 'a thing' about privacy. I would find it annoying too. Don't tell him you're texting the neighbour in future, just do it.

Does he smoke weed a lot ?

shouted to DH “it stinks in here, have you had diarrhoea?”

I'd tell you to go to hell.

How old are you 5?

I trust your shit doesn't stink

Maybe he is just introverted and doesn’t want to become friendly with the neighbours by involving them in things? I am like this. I don’t want to talk to anyone and the more you message people / involve them the more they chat generally etc. Maybe it’s actually that?

It’s really rude to shout what you shouted!

My DP is very reserved and doesn’t like to include/liaise with others - he’s an introvert. Sounds like yours is too? It’s not a crime!

Your DH doesnt want to involve the neighbours in the minutiae of your life.
Question is, why do you?
Why do you feel the need to let your neighbours know what's going on in your house, on your doorstep, or in your toilet?

I shouted to DH “it stinks in here, have you had diarrhoea?” And he snapped “do you mind?? The windows are open!!” ?? So what?!

I usually hate the ‘What will they think?’ brigade, but your behaviour sounds just plain weird. Who shouts at their partner about the stink of their shit?! What do you expect a toilet to smell like after someone has a shit - Chanel No. 5?

Well no it smelt very much like diarrhoea so I wondered if he had problems after the takeaway we ate as I had stomach ache too. I wasn’t shouting AT him, he was in another room so I was shouting so he could hear me

Your husband sounds like a private person who likes to keep things to himself, whereas you sound like someone who wants to share every detail with neighbours.

Why would you want your neighbours to know if had diarrhoea? Surely, that is something anyone would keep to themselves.

I say this as an incredibly private person. I cant think of anything more mortifying than my neighbours knowing I've just had a poo. I dont understand the need to tell people what's going on in my house unless it will affect them.
What's the problem with the drains that you feel the neighbours would appreciate knowing?

I agree he's probably an introvert who baulks at the idea of getting too chatty with the neighbours.

The dog thing is odd - I would inform all the neighbours anyway.

However, I wouldn't want the neighbours knowing I'd had the runs.

I live in a small village, I would do the following. The dodgy bloke with dog story, yes, inform immediate neighbours, local shopkeepers, pub landlord so people are aware there's someone around who MAY not be legit.

Problems with the drains/sewers, asking next door either side if they have a problem too can often be the quickest way of finding any blockage. Just because it's backing up at yours doesn't mean it's your system that's blocked. Also finding out where your drains are and if any are shared with neighbours helps the plumber to locate the blockage quicker.

Well no it smelt very much like diarrhoea so I wondered if he had problems after the takeaway we ate as I had stomach ache too. I wasn’t shouting AT him, he was in another room so I was shouting so he could hear me

He is an adult.

He can deal with himself and if he was unwell and wanted you to know he would tell you.

You are too overbearing

There’s nothing wrong with the dog and drains but I would CRINGE at the toilet example.

shouted to DH “it stinks in here, have you had diarrhoea?”

Nicely done op. I’m sure he could sense your worry. Keep it classy.

Other than this example he’s being weird. Although I think most people would be annoyed if their partner shouted what you did in front of open windows.

shouted to DH “it stinks in here, have you had diarrhoea

Sorry but I can't stop laughing at this

Hmm...I haven't voted because I think you're half being U and half not being U!

Your comment about his shit was rude - I wouldn't like my neighbours to hear that either.

But you should be able to message the neighbour as and when you feel like it - you don't need his permission. Just do it.