Confused by relationship

[spearly]

I have been in a very close relationship with someone for a while now. They have always set the pace and want to dominate my every day with lots of messaging etc. We haven't met up that often in person because he lives some distance away, but we are planning to meet again in the next fortnight.

Yesterday was my birthday and I kept getting messages saying 'I hope you are having a nice day', 'I hope you are having a nice meal', 'I hope you are enjoying yourself etc.' .He did not once ask me if I was or what I was doing, nor did he ring. I would have so loved if he had just rung and been more in tune with my feelings, I was not expecting any more than that. It's like he wants so much of me, but then becomes polite and distant on a thing like this. I was home alone due to ill health and he knew this and would have realised I was not going out having fun etc.
Also, when I have gone out of my way to arrange something he always says, oh that's good it will be nice to catch up with x,y, and z. I then find out that these are people he knows very remotely. Obviously if we bumped into them I would expect him to say hi and chat and not be rude to them, but in advance to be looking at the day that way makes me uncomfortable.

I am confused because he demands constant attention, and if I don't write back quickly etc he panics, but then does stuff like this. I would not have had the expectation in him if he had not started all of this and told me I was special to him etc. I have a feeling he is just totally clueless, but it is still really hurtful. I have spoken about it to him in the past and he was very sorry, but now this is happening again. He does expect me to give him a lot of attention when he is on his own at key times and I am sure he would not have liked me to have treated him this way.

Please be gentle with me, if IABU, I will take that on board, but please don't knock me down in flames.

He sounds a tad controlling.

Read back what you’ve written and think what you would advise a friend to do.

Personally that is a very draining relationship to be in. I wouldn’t be continuing it.

Set him some boundaries , thank him for the first message then tell him you are going to be busy and will catch up with him later in the day and be around at x o’clock if he fancies a chat. If he messages during the busy time just start ignoring him

How long have you been seeing him, how far away does he live and how often have you seen him in that time?

I think he sounds a bit odd. Why would anybody ask if you were enjoying yourself and having a nice meal on their birthday if they were stuck inside because of ill health?

Can you really see this relationship progressing?

How long have you been dating him for? He sounds irritatingly needy and like he doesn't consider your feelings, which doesn't make him seem like a good partner at all. It sounds like it's not working for you any more, so maybe you would be happier single and free to date someone who's more compatible with you - what do you think about that?

I have been out with him four or five times. Our relationship is mainly an exchange of one very long email every day and several texts. Phone calls are occasional. I had arranged two days in a fortnight's time so that we could spend some quality time as I felt that was important. He has told me I am the most important person to him and no one has been so kind as me etc. I think as someone here said he definitely 'needs' me, but it's hurtful when someone leads you to believe that you are that special person in their life does this. As I said before, he has set the levels not me, in that I have never presumed I meant more to him or anything like that. He was the first to write in a romantic way etc.

When I'd gone to the trouble to arrange the two days and he said regarding one of the ideas for the day, 'oh, it would be good to see x, I worked with him once or twice but barely know him', I felt that was very off. He did this once before regarding a trip he was talking of a arranging, where he then said, 'oh it will be great to catchup with y and the guys in the office whilst I am there'. Obvisouly, I am not suggesting he would ignore anybody he knows, but to actually phrase things like this from the start is rather off. Surely, you'd be so excited to see the person you cared for that would dominate your thoughts. As I said, it's like I have been led on, and then I get this.

He has sent a gift for my birthday, but told me he has no idea when I will get it. My birthday was Thursday and it still has not come. I didn't have so much of a problem with that, but if that were me and I had cocked up with the gift, all the more I would phone or do something else.

You've only met him a handful of times, you barely know him and don't like what you're seeing. Time to end it and find someone else. Next time don't jump on emotionally with both get like you have here, take the time to get to know somebody before you give them an actual role in your life.

*both feet not get

Thanks MRex. I didn't mean to give the. A role in my life per se, but I was giving time to explore the relationship and that's why I complied with the regular written contact. I think now I feel that the situation is not growing from that that it does raise a red flag. We had got very close in the last six months through writing, but a real relationship should be so much more than just one format and I am feeling more like a glorified pen friend that he wants to keep. I am actively reconsidering and will most likely withdraw my plans for the two days unless things seriously change for the better in the next week. I am going to require some convincing. Thanks for your comments.

I have been out with him four or five times. Our relationship is mainly an exchange of one very long email every day and several texts.
This isn’t a relationship, it’s barely even a friendship.
If you are having to start threads questioning things at such an early stage get rid

Six months!! So you aren't even seeing him once a month? Oh love, bin him and find someone who places more value on you please.

I am feeling more like a glorified pen friend

I think you've hit the nail on the head here. Who knows what his motives are for keeping you at such a distance but it really doesn't match what you want from a relationship, does it?