To be annoyed that DH says we're 'lucky' that the DSs have settled into their new school so well??

[Legacy]

Both boys started new classes in new schools this week. They have been great - no tears (from DS2), chatty, confident and I've been really proud of them...

However am I allowed for one, tiny nanosecond to think that ANY of the time and energy I've invested over the last 2 months might have played even a teeny tiny part in helping??

e.g.

• arranging school visits; making contact with new classmates/ arranging playdates over the hols/ meeting new mums to find our school routines/ practising new school uniform/ sports kits/ ties etc/ ensuring all uniform correct and labelled/talking to new teachers at the end of last term/ filling in and returning numerous forms etc and actually delivering them to school, unhurried, in the right uniform, on the right day, at the right time, with the correct bananaguard for breaktime.....

And then DH says 'we're so lucky that they seem to have settled so easily'.

Did you know that if you throw a Bananaguard across the kitchen at 30mph it is a surprisingly effective weapon?

what your DH really meant was

We are so lucky to have you in our lives to makes things easier for us...

Am not surprised re his comment tbh, he probably doesn't know half of what you did to help the boys..

Am really pleased that your DS have settled in so well, you are lucky!..

Of course! That's what he must have meant - strange how it came out though

I'm not meaning to sound smug, and I have to give my kids credit for their coping etc, but it does p*ss me off that he just assumes this all just 'happens'....

I'm finding this whole Bananaguard thing in your post very scary. You mean you might have got the wrong Bananaguard? What would have happened?
[innocent mother of toddler and baby]

my DH is the same. He often comments on how lucky we are with DD, how she can do certain things and how happy she is etc.

I think to think some of that is down to the fact that I spend time doing stuff with her during the day and we have fun together whilst I teach her new things..

but no, tis all down to DD herself and got nothing to do with me...

DrunkenSailor - that is SO funny, and I'm sure repeated in thousands of households all over the country!

I just can't fathom how it can possibly take so long to organise everything? You're right - all the bags/ labels/ friends/ too small clothing/ forms etc...

OK, so call me anal, but I actually made them 'rehearse' their different bits of uniform last week (it's very different from their last school - especially for sports) and DS1 still came home today and said, "Mummy, I had to play football in my white trainers as I didn't have my football boots" ("Yes, dear, you DID, they're in your 'boot bag', together with your shin pads - like I showed you last week.....)

Going back to the DH comment, for me, this quote sums it up perfectly:

"A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house."

Kathy - OK, so I was exaggerating about the bananaguard... (although I DID get some fairly specific instructions about the requirements for snack boxes and their contents!)

Heifer - I'm with you there! I sometimes find it sad that these days it seems unfashionable (especially on MN!) to credit Mums (or should I say parents...) for any of their child's skills/ abilities/ attitudes.

No prizes for whose fault it was that dd1 didn't have any plimsolls for going on the 'outdoor apparatus' today. Actually, they never go on the 'outdoor apparatus' in the Autumn term, but dd1's teacher decided to 'on the spur of the moment', dd1 had hyseterics b/c she wasn't allowed on in shoes and the TA phoned up to say dd1 had got terribly upset - and spoke to dh.

What is a bananguard?

DrunkenSailor you are so funny, you nailed it-it really is like that!I do the networking thing with the parents/kids for all the right reasons, think of myself as a backstage manager! What is a bananaguard? where have I been?

Oh God don't start me on competitive networking. Dd1's friend's mums all do this thing where they invite the best friend of a different girl around for tea, like there is some point scoring system for the number of different girls that have playdates with their dd. Never mind the havoc it plays with their freindships.

Message withdrawn

I don't think the competitive networking thing is quite the same for boys - they are generally best friends with the last person who came round to play football

Anyway, it wasn't really 'competitive' - I just wanted them both to know SOMEONE in their new classes....

BananaGuard

but I have now discovered that FruityFaces are now THE thing, actually...

huh, am I a bad mother or what? (we haven't got fruity faces.....)

PMSL at the FAQs on the BananaGuard site:

Q: "Is there a battery attachment?"

A: No. The Banana Guard was designed for its intended purpose only as a device to prevent banana trauma during transport.

So there you have it, anyway - a bananaguard is a device to prevent banana trauma during transport.....

(I really am taking this SAHM things too seriously - I need to go back to work..... )

Well I see it slightly differently - isn't the implication of what you are saying that all of those parents whose children have had a nightmare settling in, just didn't try hard enough. They weren't as organised as you were and didn't make enough effort.

Possibly they would prefer to think of themselves as 'unlucky'!

This is a hugely difficult time for some parents whose children take a long time to settle in, despite doing all the things you did. I would not wish to add to their burden at this time by suggesting that they didn't try hard enough.

On that basis I am with your DH - it really is luck to my mind

(And that isn't sour grapes as mine are well into their school career)

I dont do the competitive networking, cant be farsed!with my first, invited whole class to his class parties to avoid this senario but it began to happen to us slowly, used to bother me for his sake so only socialise with the mums I get on with now, this usually works out well as similar personalities I find. And the bananaguard?

OMG, these fruity faces are freaking me out! No way I could buy one of these, I would see it leering at me from the bottom of DDs backpack

I did something wrong on the competitive networking front as it has become clear that we are not part of the "in" crowd

DH has to get DC to school/nursery and back all by himself next week (including 1st day back for DS) as I am working all week. Do you think he will appreciate what I do by the end of the week?

Soapbox - No, that isn't my implication at all. There will be lots of children who don't settle, are tearful, whatever through no fault of their parents or their teachers.
There will also be others who might have found things less stressful/ anxious if certain things by parents / teachers had been planned or arranged differently with a little forethought.

I know my children better than anyone else. I know what things they like/ dislike/ are scared of/ enjoy. I know how they react in different situations.

I feel I did as much as I possibly could in my power to try to make their transition into their new school as painless as possible.
It's not luck - it's a measure of good planning and design.

Who knows, perhaps tomorrow they'll be bawling their eyes out - and then I will simply be unlucky?

I'm the same, cheeset. And I don't think poor ds will ever see a toddler group, he will start pre-school and suddenly discover there are children in the world that are teh same size as he is!

I have to say I did nothing to prepare dd1 for school bar getting the kit together (which of course I got wrong - although dd1 is in Yr 1 now). I didn't realise until April that she wasn't allowed 'solid chocolate' in her lunchbox (something that really brings out the fifteen yr old in me, the next day she had the hugest chocolate-covered gingerbread star,as oppsed to the tiny mini egg from the previous day! )

Getting slightly off the Am I being unreasonable thread but re the Networking thing and the fact I only socialise with the mums I get on with...Well Im gonna invite them to my party soon and I'm a little bit worriedThey think I am soooo sweet(I think they do!)Well we havent been out on a nite out together yet just the cuppa at the house and play with kids in the park routine and I think they will be horrified if they see me looking like Alice Cooper mid evening after one too many thinking I'm a teenager and crowd surfing!Not to mention the fags(ive given up right!)Quite an affluent area/posh mummies,do you think I should?

Oh dear, I'm not the person to ask I'm afraid. FWIW the posh, middle class mummies round here would fit in v. well - it's b/c I don't do the girls' night out thing that my face doesn't fit! Why not give it a go, if they really are friends then it will be fine

Don't ask me - the "in" Mummies don't invite me to anything so I don't know how/if they let their hair down!

no youa re lucky
till all go wrong yet you wait

stealthsquiggle, thank your lucky stars then! I mean, you're a grown up so why play the in-crowd game?