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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to keep quiet about this?

17 replies

ThePeacekeeper · 28/02/2020 21:47

To give a bit of background, I'm friends with an ex-work colleague and both of us remain in contact with several people who still work at our old workplace and occasionally go to social functions with them. Me and my friend no longer work there, just to clarify as this is a potentially important point to consider.

A guy who still works there (who I'm closer to than my friend is) told me a week ago other ex-colleagues have found my friend's secret Twitter account which has quite risqué content on it. I don't want to go into specifics in case this identifies any of us involved but it contains very sexualised posts that, because it's under a pseudonym but with her real photo, I imagine she would be mortified to discover anyone who knows her through work, past or present, has uncovered this. This guy said people have been mocking her over it and getting as much mileage out of this as possible basically.

My loyalties lie with my friend, my only reservations about telling her is she has had a stressful 12-18 months and is now in a better place so I don't want to cause her additional stress but at the same time, what if someone else tells her in a malicious way what has been found and it would be better coming from me breaking it to her in a sensitive manner, supporting rather than shaming her over this? I want to be a good, honest friend and pride myself on being this but I don't want to cause her embarrassment or stress.

OP posts:

Original poster

ThePeacekeeper · 28/02/2020 21:50

Also, I've been pondering over the pros and cons of keeping quiet or speaking up and I'm 50/50 at the moment. Another reason I'm leaning towards telling her is so she can change her privacy settings on this account so these ex-colleagues can stop having a field day about what she is posting.

OP posts:

CalmdownJanet · 28/02/2020 21:50

Tell her, you have to, you can omit the bit about other people knowing or making fun of her but do tell her

slashlover · 28/02/2020 21:56

Is it definitely her or could someone have just used her photo? Are there multiple photos on the page because it would be pretty silly to have a secret account with your ACTUAL photo.

Original poster

ThePeacekeeper · 28/02/2020 22:03

Initially I did consider maybe someone faked the profile to make her look silly or whatever but then I found a video of her on the page addressing her followers so yes, it's definitely her. The video didn't contain sexual activity just her talking about various sexual things. There's no porn or nudity but it's still quite an intimate portrait of someone and now obviously very public.

OP posts:

slashlover · 28/02/2020 22:10

I'd tell her, you could maybe say that you had found it were worried that someone else might.

This guy said people have been mocking her over it and getting as much mileage out of this as possible basically.

Then I'd tell the ex-colleagues/friends to grow up and have nothing more to do with them.

purpleboy · 28/02/2020 22:17

Surely though if it's her profile she know there is a chance people who know her will see it?

winniethekid · 28/02/2020 22:21

I reckon the guy who is mocking her set it up to have a go at her.

katy1213 · 28/02/2020 22:23

You'd better tell her before her current colleagues discover it - which would be far more embarrassing.
She does sound very naive - or maybe she doesn't care if she's recognised as Miss Whiplash?

Canadianpancake · 28/02/2020 22:26

If it's genuine then she can't be surprised that is there and that people have seen it. However there is always the chance it's been set up by someone else as revenge porn. Either way, talk to her about it.

chineseny · 28/02/2020 22:35

Any possibility the person sniggering has set it up to make your friend look bad? Revenge porn? Just sounds unlikely that she would set that up herself...

HollowTalk · 28/02/2020 22:37

She must be insane if she thought she wouldn't be recognised simply because she'd changed her name. I would tell her asap that they've seen it and she should do something about it if she didn't want them to look at her photos and videos.

Beautiful3 · 28/02/2020 22:38

You have to tell her op. I'd be devastated if my friend didn't tell me about something like this. Then it's down to her what she wants to do about her Twitter account.

callmeadoctor · 28/02/2020 22:41

You have really no idea whether this is fake or not, plus it has absolutely nothing to do with you?

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 28/02/2020 22:52

If she is posting videos that show her identity and photos etc she can't be that shocked if people find it. I doubt it would be as big of a deal to her as you think it would.

justasking111 · 28/02/2020 22:57

Didn`t a teacher get sacked for something like this. I would warn her for the sake of her present job.

Thinkingabout1t · 28/02/2020 23:09

As a friend, you should warn her.

NoProblem123 · 28/02/2020 23:19

Tell her and tell her now. It could be revenge porn or it could just be her.
Personally I think she should just put her real name on the account and brazen it out so long as it doesn’t put her job at risk.
Twitter’s full of porn it’s not really a big deal.

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