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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu about him been late home from work

18 replies

cloud35 · 28/02/2020 18:32

My husband usually does a class on Thursday so he finishes work at 5:30 instead of 6 and gets a train to get him home at 6:45pm.

His class was cancelled in advance so I said I might head out Thursday instead just to get my nails done. I made the appointment for 8 and told him the time the appointment was for.

Yesterday he arrived home from work at 7:30 leaving me rush for the appointment. His reasons were he didn't see the need to finish work earlier as my appointment wasn't until 8 and then the train got delayed so there was nothing he could have done. He didn't see the problem as I'd still make it.
I would have understood if he had come home and said there was a problem in work and he had to stay to fix it etc once he had let me know but there was nothing like that.

He had been away with work all week and is out tonight too and Sunday. Two of our dc were unwell which meant I was housebound so I was looking forward to getting out, maybe grabbing a coffee and a quick browse around the shops before my appointment.

Just wondering if IABU about this?

OP posts:
Batshittery · 28/02/2020 18:36

I think YAB a bit U.
You probably should have told him that you wanted to do other things. You said 'just to get nails done' and he left enough time for that. Doesn't seem a big deal to me

fedup21 · 28/02/2020 18:36

I was looking forward to getting out, maybe grabbing a coffee and a quick browse around the shops before my appointment

Depends really. If you’d told him that’s what you had in mind and he chose to come home late to spite you, then you aren’t unreasonable. If you didn’t tell him anything except you’d got a nail appointment for 8, then I can’t say I’d really blame him. He’s not a mind reader.

AlexaShutUp · 28/02/2020 18:39

Did you tell him that you wanted to go out earlier for coffee and shopping? If so, yanbu. If you only told him about the 8pm appointment, and you were able to get to that on time, then I'm afraid yabu and you need to communicate more clearly about what you want in future. He isn't a mind reader!

LolaSmiles · 28/02/2020 18:41

I suppose I see his point a little and think YA a bit U.

It's not his fault the train was delayed and the fact you were still able to get there suggests he had ample time doing his normal day. I'd be a bit irritated if DH expected me to needlessly leave work early and make the time elsewhere.

If you wanted to look round the shops and get a coffee then in my opinion you should have said to him that you'd like him to come home early so you could do that, not tell him you have an appointment at 8pm and be annoyed when he did his working day and was home for your appointment.

Arrowfanatic · 28/02/2020 18:41

Tbh, if the appt was for 8pm and he didnt know about the other stuff you cant blame him for not leaving work early and you clearly cant blame him for the train being delayed obviously.

However, you have Saturday with him home & after dealing with the sick kids you can go out leaving him with them & go for coffee & a mooch in the shops then. Wink

HeadSpin5 · 28/02/2020 18:42

As above, it’s all about whether you told him your plans to chill out pre-nails or not. And as someone who has to commute by train, there’s nowt he can do if they go haywire!

FruityWidow · 28/02/2020 18:44

You told him the appointment was at 8, if you wanted him home earlier to wander round town before hand you need to tell him.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/02/2020 18:46

If the train had been in time, presumably you wouldn't have had to rush so by his logic he left in enty of time.

If you want to go out at say 6 you need to say "I need to leave by 6" not expect him to infer from "my appt is 8" that you need to leave at 6

HollowTalk · 28/02/2020 18:48

I think he was being selfish. Why is he out tonight and Sunday? He seems to have plenty of time to himself.

LolaSmiles · 28/02/2020 18:56

I think he was being selfish
Selfish for leaving work at the correct time to be home in time for the OP' appointment.
Only on MN

Hooferdoofer37 · 28/02/2020 19:09

Surely as he hasn't seen you or the kids all week he'd have wanted to get home a bit earlier last night, I can see why you'd assume he'd hurry home as he had the opportunity to.

Do you get as much time to socialise and do clubs etc as he does?

idontlike789 · 28/02/2020 19:22

You should of told him men aren't mind readers he got back in time what's the issue ? . If you said for example please be back for 6.30 say that yanbu but unless you told him yabu to expect this , communication is key .

mumto2teenagers · 28/02/2020 19:32

I think YABU he got back in time for you to make the appointment so unless you told him you planned to get coffee, etc before how was he to know

Notonthestairs · 28/02/2020 20:55

YABU unless you explained you needed to leave earlier.
But I'd talk to him about Saturday morning/afternoon - and go for a walk/coffee/lunch.

Waveysnail · 28/02/2020 21:16

But did you tell him you wanted to be away earlier?

Original poster
cloud35 · 28/02/2020 21:40

Thank you for all your replies, i didn't say what my plans were so I can see iwbu to just assume he'd be home at his normal Thursday time.

OP posts:
Herpesfreesince03 · 28/02/2020 21:45

So he left work at a reasonable time for you to get your nails done. His train was delayed so you were a bit rushed to make the appointment. And you’re asking if he’s being unreasonable for not reading your mind about you wanting to go shopping and for coffee?

Pentium85 · 28/02/2020 21:51

YABU.
Learn to communicate better

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