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AIBU?

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Original poster

For considering sending our DS to a CofE school even though we're Jewish?

59 replies

Mariagatzs12 · 27/02/2020 17:21

Our local authority schools are in need of improvement but the CofE one has consistently been outstanding. I don't even know if they'd accept our DS as I'm a practicing Jew. Would he feel very out of place? My DD didn't like singing hymns (and it wasn't a CofE school) but they'd let her not take part in any of those celebrations.

OP posts:
TriangleBingoBongo · 27/02/2020 18:31

I went to a CofE school that had a Jewish headmaster. He wore his hat (I’m sorry I don’t know the right terminology) for hymns and prayers. I never thought anything of it.

x2boys · 27/02/2020 18:34

The " outstanding "C of E school near me gives preference to pupils who have a" faith" not necessarily a Christian faith.

Wannabegreenfingers · 27/02/2020 18:35

Our cofe school, has families from multi faiths. Prayer time is 'reflextion' time. Yes they pray, yes they sing hymns, yes the lovely vicar comes into school, but it's about the ethos of being a good person, which all good religions teach. We are atheists and we love our cofe school x

Original poster
Mariagatzs12 · 27/02/2020 18:38

Good tip poopypants althoughI think we’d have to pack his own lunch or go veggie to avoid any meat and dairy in the same meal.

OP posts:
PurpleCrazyHorse · 27/02/2020 18:39

You are free to apply to any school you want. All schools will have an admissions criteria (which for our local C of E secondary is different to the Local Authority one). Ours gives priority to children regularly attending a C of E church, then those attending other Christian churches, then any other religion, then no religion. It's over-subscribed so usually all the children attending a Church get in and it stops in the 'other religion' category. If yours is over-subscribed you might be able to find out the category and distance of the last place allocated. It would give you an idea if your child would get in.

They may have other elements during the school day which you will have to carefully consider. I would absolutely visit to be sure you're happy with the school. Our C of E school has a Christian thread running right throughout the day so it's not as if you can simply avoid it by not going to assembly, for example. Others will do things differently, I'm sure.

Mandraki · 27/02/2020 18:40

Depends. Will you be taking him out of assembly, RE etc? Not that thats an issue, except he may feel a bit of an odd one out. I was a Jehovah's witness child in a C of E school and I stuck out like a sore thumb as I didn't go into assembly, RE, Christmas party etc. I feel that this had far reaching consequences for me. Everyone was nice about it but I felt like an other. Just something to consider, from his perspective.

TeenPlusTwenties · 27/02/2020 18:46

You definitely need to visit the particular school and have a chat.

Original poster
Mariagatzs12 · 27/02/2020 18:55

After reading through their website I’m not entirely sure this is the school for us. I still have to visit to make up my mind of course.

I didn’t like that they put Bible verses everywhere. Christianity is mentioned everywhere. I know this is syntax/semantics but didnt like that everywhere it said “us as Christians” and “in an almost totally Christian region”.

OP posts:
TeenPlusTwenties · 27/02/2020 20:01

The thing is, in a CofE school it is fine for them to be overtly Christian in their approach. If they want to have prayers at the start of every lesson, and stress they are 'walking in the hands of Jesus' etc, then they can.

sanswit · 27/02/2020 20:03

Perhaps it’s just where I live but here Jewish children generally do not attend catholic schools. They attend non dom ones

Poorolddaddypig · 27/02/2020 20:39

I think it’s quite wrong to send your child to a school of a religion he’s not a part of and exclude him from activities his peers will be taking part in. If you’re happy for him to take part in the Christian activities then fine. But If you send your child to a religious school you should expect your child to participate and not make him feel excluded by demanding he misses certain things. I went to a Christian school and we had a Jehovah’s Witness family who were unable to take part in lots of the things that were a big part of our school year - Christmas concerts/plays we spent weeks practicing for, Easter celebrations, etc. I remember feeling a bit sad and confused by them. Don’t send your kids there and then make them feel like the odd ones out. Very cruel in my opinion.

Original poster
Mariagatzs12 · 27/02/2020 21:05

Poor I'd let him to an extent. In reality I don't know how much they'll respect that he's not Christian. The community school my DD went to was more open about certain exceptions but I wouldn't say it wad great either (nor extremely inclusive).

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Mummyshark2019 · 27/02/2020 21:09

We did not get into a coe school which is on our doorstep because we are not practicing christians. So if you can get in, greatm

SandyY2K · 27/02/2020 21:12

Don't you think it would be in conflict with your own faith as a practising Jew?

I know as a practising catholic I would never consider sending my child to another faith school...is rather no faith at all.

By not participating in certain things, he could feel left out and different to other children.

That could in turn affect his friendship groups as well. It's not just about him being happy be left out, by being left out, you stand out.

rosiejaune · 27/02/2020 21:14

I am Jewish and one of my three primary schools was a C of E school. We had to go to church every Wednesday, and they forced me to make an Easter card instead of a Passover one.

It was also not a good school (they didn't differentiate, so I just didn't do any spellings for a couple of years, as the ones the rest of the class were doing were too easy), but I don't know if that was connected or not.

zsazsajuju · 27/02/2020 21:15

It’s important to me that my child goes to a jewish school as I want her to learn and grow up with other jewish children. So I live in an area where she can do so. I wouldn’t be happy sending her to a school where she was one of the only non Christians - I think that would make her feel like the odd one out. But each to their own.

lanthanum · 27/02/2020 21:16

If it's an outstanding school, the first thing to check is their admissions criteria. It might just be a case of geography, but some will prioritise CoE children in some way. Interestingly, our nearest church secondary has children of other faiths still above "everyone else", although after "any other Christian denomination". However since it's years since they last actually got as far as "any other Christian denomination", it makes no difference at the moment.

Original poster
Mariagatzs12 · 27/02/2020 21:19

Thanks Rosie things like that card incident is what worries me. Sandy I'm conflicted. On one hand he gets a better academic life but on the other it might be a struggle in more ways than one. It's very hard to try to keep your traditions (and religion) alive when nobody around you practices it, being surrounded by a completely different religion at school might make it even harder.

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SandyY2K · 27/02/2020 21:20

I don't get this

I didn’t like that they put Bible verses everywhere. Christianity is mentioned everywhere.

If I decided to send my child to an Islamic school, I can hardly complain or dislike the fact that the Koran is quoted on it's website.

What do you expect? The school will have a Christian ethos, references and possibly a Christian motto.

I would personally hate being the only of my religion/ faith in a school. School can be challenging enough as it is, without putting your child in this position.

Original poster
Mariagatzs12 · 27/02/2020 21:23

I thought the "all faiths and none" was more akin to Christian inspired (so to speak). But it must be down to each particular school.

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ThickSock · 27/02/2020 21:25

I’m Jewish and went to a CofeE school. So did DD and so do DGC. DGC are the only Jewish kids in their school and so far it’s fine as it was for me and DD at our respective schools. I’d not worry about it if you like the school and can imagine your DC being happy in it. It’s not like it’s a Catholic school which would have a much greater emphasis on religion than a CofE one.

Echobelly · 27/02/2020 21:26

As others have said, it varies a lot.... if they expect almost all their intake to be CofE it could be a bit alienating. DH and I are Jewish I were both at schools that were ostensibly Christian (his more than mine) but there were other Jewish kids there.

I loved singing hymns, it was my first singing experience! Both our kids went to Jewish primary (DS still there), not so much as we specifically wanted it, but it was a good school they were likely to get into. I actually found it a bit weird to realise they were growing up without that pattern of the British Christian year I grew up with so I had to take them to carol concerts and such to understand that stuff.

CofE is usually relatively mild on the religion stuff, I was fine in my school accepting a lot of assembly stuff was Christian.

Original poster
Mariagatzs12 · 27/02/2020 21:26

zsas in an ideal world we'd do that but we can't relocate just for a school's sake. We're not frum but we're a fairly observant Reform family.

OP posts:
recededpronunciation · 27/02/2020 21:29

There are Muslim and Jewish children at my child’s C of E school. No problem at all.

SandyY2K · 27/02/2020 21:29

Are you very far away from any Jewish community?

Do you go to worship in a synagogue?

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