Teacher phoning me

[Lightheart]

Since Christmas my child's teacher has rang me 5 times to talk about behaviour. DC is 5 and in year 1. They're quite a bright child and are achieving well for age range etc so no concerns there. However teacher has had to ring as she says they constantly shout out and do not follow instructions when asked. Every time this happens I have a big chat about how they must listen and do as they are told etc etc and really try to hammer home how important it is for their own learning and for the other children. However it doesn't seem to last for more than a few days. My child said the other day "I'm selfish" I asked why they thought that and he said my teacher told me I am. They have also mentioned (without my asking) that the teacher never picks them to answer and that the teacher doesn't like them so they'll never get the gold award (what they all aim for). I don't believe this to be wholly true as they have had certificates off this teacher in the past but think it's sad they get this vibe off the teacher. However I'm struggling to know what to do next I want to support the school but I don't see the behaviours that they are struggling with at home so I have to try and discuss them rather than being able to point them out and correct them. It's becoming difficult as my child gets so upset when they've been in trouble at school and I fear I am putting too much focus on it. I just don't know what to do. Would like to add that when I ask why they were in trouble at school my child sometimes says they don't actually know so I have no way to discuss what's happening. At home they are a normal five year old, has their moments but on the whole is a happy little child. (Sorry for the rambling and ambiguity on gender was intentional)

If they keep ringing you I would ask for a face to face meeting. It sounds stressful but I'd want more info from the teacher and also let them know your child feels they have been called selfish. Teacher needs calling out on that one.

I would suggest a meeting with the HT. It could be that the teacher is struggling generally with behaviour management. IMO (from a career spent in education) it is not reasonable to be phoning the parent of a 5 year old so often just about calling out. The HT should be willing to try to get to the bottom of this.

I think you should have a face to face meeting with the class teacher. I'm a teacher (albeit secondary) and I'm shocked the teacher said to a 5 year old they are selfish.

Teaching is such a hard job, and it sounds like you are trying to support the school which is great and I'm sure the teacher appreciates it

From your post I would discuss with the teacher the following points

1. Is the child bored? You say they are bright, perhaps they aren't being challenged academically enough? The shouting out... Is it excitement about knowing 'the answer'? What sort of things are being shouted out?
2. What sanctions are the school putting in? Phoning home is communication, not a punishment
3. The wanting the gold award is interesting... Shows they want positive reinforcement.. What sort of encouragement or acknowledgement of good behaviour is being put in place?
4. Seating in the classroom... Near the teacher?
5. You aren't sure what the behaviours always are.... Could you communicate via a diary? Teachers don't always have time to call home.. But a sentence in a book is manageable

I only ask because of the shouting comment, have you had your child’s ears checked?

I’d be quite upset about this. I’d worry it would impact how they engage with school
In the future if they feel they’re being picked on by the teacher. Also calling a child selfish is crossing a line

Was wondering the same about the hearing - it might be that they appear not to be listening because they can’t actually hear! I’d probably want a face to face meeting though - it might be something else making them feel insecure/trying so hard to seek praise and positive reinforcement - ie are friendship groups okay at school as far as you know or are they maybe feeling left out of things?

I’d also want context of selfish comment!

I'm shocked that a teacher would phone you 5 times just because they were shouting out. I teach Ks1 and if I had to phone every parent of children that called out, I'd never get any teaching done! I'm pretty sure there must be more to it than just this.
It's good that he behaves well at home & I would question why he is different at school. If you can't get answers from the teacher, go to the head.

I think you need to have a meeting with the teacher. Express your concerns and let him or her know you want to support the school in doing this. Then ask them what they are doing to support your child in this. Tell the teacher it is affecting your child's self esteem and mention the selfish comment.

If you don't get the answers you need then do take it higher. I know teachers get a lot of stick (I'm a teacher) but it is the teachers job to help your son work through this and to be part of the classroom. If I rang you five times about the same behaviour then there's a pattern and I'd want us to work together to help your son find the balance between being confident while contributing in a meaningful way.

Have they mentioned any other behaviours? Like is he disruptive in other ways? What are his social skills like? Do you have concerns regarding his behaviour?

Teachers do not have the time to pick on children or to phone home repeatedly unless a child’s behaviour is pretty exceptional.
The shouting out (especially if it is enthusiastic answering) is understandable but not following instructions is not.
Presumably the teacher said the child is selfish as he is continually preventing other children learning or continually ensuring the teacher has to spend her time dealing with him rather than sharing her time equally. It’s a rather pointless comment unless the meaning/context is clearly explained to the child which it doesn’t appear to have been here.
I agree with the posters above that you need a meeting with the teacher so you can produce an action plan to try to get him back on track.

I had this at every parents evening for 11 years! DS always shouted out, that was because he was bright and knew the answer but never got asked, never picked to give the answer so he shouted out.
In Year 7 a kind maths teacher called him in to sit with us at parents evening and asked him why he did it. So he told the truth and she made a deal with him that if she gave him the opportunity to answer early in the lesson he had to refrain from shouting out for the rest of that lesson. It worked. But only in that subject. He was a stubborn child and there's only so much you can do from home to enforce rules. Hopefully you can get teacher to understand your child and their need for positive praise.

Thanks for all the responses I think I will ask for a sit down so we can figure out a plan for going forward. Re: hearing, I've never had this checked that I can remember but will do just to be safe.

Also I never meant to imply that the teacher was picking on them at all but I do think maybe they've become hyper aware of his behaviour ? And so it's gotten to be a real bone of contention.

I actually think his teacher is amazing in lots of ways she has really helped with some things he struggled with academically in reception, and he did have a great relationship with her up until Christmas but something seems to have shifted and we seem to be in a counter productive routine with it all.

TBH, so long as you are backing the teacher up and you aren’t seeing any issues at home, then it’s really a classroom management problem for the teacher to solve. Meet with them and ask what is it exactly they want you to do about it? You’re not there, they don’t misbehave for you, you’re backing them up.

Oh @Lightheart, I have recently had a similar experience. My ds3 is in year 5 and never had a problem before. In the space of 8 days this teacher rang me 6 times. One twice in the same day.

Ds3 also said that the teacher was overlooking him for the "golden tie" and making promises such as if you do this you'll get such and such, that ds3 perceived never materialised.

I went for a face to face. I felt that the only variable in this situation was her and whilst I'm fully prepared to accept that ds3 had misbehaved and speak to him about it, I didn't think any of it actually warranted a call to me. Let alone 2 in one day.

It was strange, she thought that she was being supportive and told me that she was allowing him to do 5 minutes of free time each day if he behaved. Funnily enough he had never mentioned that and clearly didn't value that time as a reward. She changed her methods and since he has git on fine.