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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To question marriage and children

12 replies

KnittingSocks · 26/02/2020 10:30

If you could go back in time, would you still have got married and had children? Would you recommend it to someone who is currently single and childfree?

OP posts:

GothamProtector · 26/02/2020 10:32

For me. Yes absolutely.

It's hard but I have loved it all.

I don't know about recommending it.

There's a lot of women on MN who shouldn't have married or stayed with their partners. And who shouldn't have brought children into the relationship.

Every scenario is different.

GinDaddy · 26/02/2020 10:33

Without falling into the obvious trap here, surely this question is completely relative...based on the person you meet and want to do such things with?

I was firmly against children until I met my DW. Being with her meant I felt the natural next step was DC. I have no regrets.

What I'm trying to say though is, how can I have said to my single self, "you really want to have DC you know", when my single self needed the time with my wife in order to understand what I wanted?

richteasandcheese · 26/02/2020 10:34

Children yes. Marriage, no

geekone · 26/02/2020 10:37

Yes to both.

Unchartedsea · 27/02/2020 00:15

No to marriage. Still married after 12 years but now realise that I married for the wrong reasons. I totally love my children but if I could turn back time I would not have children. I wish I was free and able to pursue my own interests and agendas without having to consider a husband and several little people.

happymummy12345 · 27/02/2020 00:19

For me yes to both. We have been together 6 years this may, married 5 years this April. Our son will be 5 this September. I couldn't be happier

KellyHall · 27/02/2020 00:22

I would definitely recommend, with the following advice:

do everything you want to do before having children so you're free to dedicate as much of yourself to them as you choose, without wishing you'd done x, y, z when you had the chance.

focus on being happy single, any relationship would then be a bonus. I think intending to be married can lead people to marry the wrong person.

Socalm · 27/02/2020 00:25

I would definitely do it all again, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend it to other people because it depends. Some people really regret it.

abitoflight · 27/02/2020 00:42

That's a hard one
I found children and working and running a home very onerous and marriage fraught at times when DC young. But now they are grown, more time with DH, different type of relationships with DC, I am in a good place and wouldn't swap.

thecatneuterer · 27/02/2020 00:46

No to both. I didn't do them and, if I could go back in time, I wouldn't do them again :)

datasgingercatspot · 27/02/2020 00:46

No to both.

Donkeytail · 27/02/2020 00:53

Surely it doesn't much matter if other people would recommend it?

With marriage it would depend on who you are married to, no two marriages are the same, it's not like recommending a book or a car. The same goes for having kids, you can't say oh Mary liked having kids, hers are lovely so I will order kids the same as hers from the catalogue. Even then you are not Mary and will have different abilities in adapting and parent than she does.

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