Crushed under it all

[stouffer]

Sorry, this could be a bit long. Our family have had a hell of a year/18 months for a variety of reasons and we’re all at a low ebb anyway. FIL, who it’s fair to say wasn’t a particularly nice man, died last month and has left a gigantic shitpile of things to be sorted out, physically and financially. If it sounds like I’m not exactly grieving it’s because whatever latent sympathy I have is completely overshadowed by my feelings about the mess that he’s left my DW to deal with. She has health issues of her own and has been thoroughly knocked about by the events of last year already without having to deal with this fucking bollocks.

Anyway, FILs landlord announced that he wanted the house cleared by three weeks after the funeral, to which we politely and legally told him to go fuck himself. We got an extension of a month to sort things out, which is no mean task as FIL was a “flipper”; he liked to buy things at auction to try to make money out of them. Unfortunately he never actually sold anything so we’re now having to clear a mountain of -shit- things including what appears to be an anchor from a deep sea trawler (why, fuck only knows).

DW has been up there for weeks working her arse off while I’ve been at home with the kids and doing my day job. I hired a lorry the other day and we all went to shift stuff to a lock up. Three large truckloads shifted during Storm fucking Dennis and then a dangerous drive home in an empty high sided vehicle. I then drove up yesterday (200 mile round trip) and put in a twelve hour shift painting over the huge nicotine stains FIL left all over the house and helped DW continue to shift crap that we ran out of time to do on Friday. On my way home at 10pm in the middle of nowhere and with a carload of stuff I hit debris on the road and ripped a tyre open. I unloaded the boot, jacked the car up and took the wheel off. The car then fell off the jack onto its axle.

I won’t bore you with the vile language I used, or the hack I worked out to get me back on the road, but suffice it to say I’m utterly done. DW have barely seen each other for weeks and we’re both beyond exhausted. The kids have been absolute legends but are also becoming pissed off at how we’re living. I’m still having to go to a job that I don’t particularly like because I’m now the sole bread winner as DW has had to give up work to sort out FILs fucking mess. I’m actually in tears writing this but will need to get up in a minute and get back on the treadmill. Being signed off isn’t an option, as I already was for two months not long ago for exhaustion due to the unique way my employer operates. Fuck my life.

Can’t you get house clearance people in? That’s madness that your wife has had to completely give up her job.

There’s more to it than that, there’s also a business to be wound down.

No I can’t understand the reason either frankly, I’m just trying to be supportive to DWs wishes.

Can you go to a solicitor/accountant and let them deal with the legal side of winding up the business etc. Hopefully you'd only have to contact via email at that point?
As far as the house is concerned - get your wife home and don't go again. Hire a local clearance company to shift any other shit, leave it as empty as pos, the landlord is going to charge you anyway now you've pissed him off by retaining it for an extra month (not saying that in a nasty way - just a fact of life)

Is there any way to release funds from his estate to bring in professional help to wind down the company? Or at least hire day labour to physically make it easier?

Some banks will release a few £££s during probate as it can last years if you provide a death certificate.

This is why people need wills, etc and to have their shit in order... Relatives just end up dealing with it all!! I say this as having faced a smaller but similar situation. Not a business though, just chaotic domestic property and financials. Next time I said I'd just lock the door and throw the keys at a clearance company!

@jess827 You’ve absolutely nailed it. Personally I’d just like to write it all off and let professionals deal with it. Not my call though.

This is utterly ridiculous, you should have got someone to clear the house and the landlord could have taken FIL deposit etc to sort the house? I think you need a stern word with your wife.

I had similar OP. FIL's 10 bedrooms house stocked full of hoarder's crap.

My BIL was determined to save money and hire and van and do it himself with DH's help.

I completely and utterly put my foot down and told DH "NO WAY!" We both work full time and have kids, did not have the time nor the energy.

DH and I argued badly about this but I would not support him helping out this way. He could organise a clearance firm etc but no way was he doing it himself with BIL.

Anyway DH gave BIL 3 months to empty, explained that while he would help with the legalities he wasn't going to be helping manually clear the house.

Anyway 3 months later BIL had done fuck all. DH organised clearance, it took 4 men 10 days to clear the shit in that house. And it cost a lot which came out the estate.

The fact that your wife has given up her work is ludicrous and your children are suffering. She is being selfish and a martyr.

I really feel for you OP, we had months of hell sorting the mess FIL had left on his death.

Personally I would have let the landlord sort it out and let them charge the estate. Too late I know but you really need to put your foot down. Or if she isn't willing, you have to withdraw your support.

You are actually enabling her to continue to do this nightmare by offering to drive etc. Just say no!!

Don't let your kids suffer.

Your and DW’s top priorities here need to be paid work and parenting.

Who is executor of FIL’s will? Is DW sole beneficiary?

Moving it all to a lock up just means now the original place is empty so at least the landlord has possession again, you still have it all to sort out from the lock up garage. If it is a business it might not be a valuable enough busienss to ahve any resale value for probate purposes and may be if one of the heirs thinks the junk is worth a lot they can take it as their share. otherwise might be cheaper just to throw the lot away.

I cannot think of anything that would be worth more than the wife's work / career continuing. Nothing seems worth giving up a full time wage unless the dead father has left her £500k or something of that order.

Most of us on here would hire someone to do it - I cannot really see why your wife would bother. When our parents died we all took what we wanted after several visits and even then had van hire and men to bring stuff to our houses but then I found a house clearance company who took 7 tons of stuff (after we had let myf ather's 10 strong team of carers take what they liked of what remained and the new owners of his house - it sold more quickly than I expected) to the tip - they said it was about 2.5 times the quantity of most houses (50 years in the house for my parents). There is no way we would or could have done it ourselves although we did want to do the initial sift to take and share out things like family photos, old papers, a few bits of furniture, books.

I would make it your priority to get your wife back to full time work, even if she does not quote feel 100% so you are both sharing the financial load and so she does not get into a habit of not working. Then make sure the estate of your father in law is delegated as much as possible to others.