So do I let me 16 year old decide where to study for A levels?

[Oakmaiden]

Thing is, as a "on principle" question of course she should decide what subjects to study and where to study them. However.

She is a bright girl, predicted As and A*s for GCSEs (in Wales so still letter grades). However, she does no revision, no homework and her attendance is very poor. She hates her secondary school, and will think of every reason to not go in. She struggles socially (being assessed for Autism) and with low mood. After school she dances, sings and does drama - which she is very committed to. She probably spends around 16 hours in an average week at class. Most weeks there is something extra, so she does more.

She insists that she is going to stay at her secondary school and do A levels. I can't understand it, as she has been so unhappy there. To start with she was going to do A levels in Drama, Dance and Music - with English lit at her 4th for the first year. I asked her to look at a couple of other colleges - she looked at one with a very highly regarded Performing Arts course, but decided that she didn't want to spend all day doing Musical Theatre and then come home to do all her dance lessons. We left it at that.

Only now her school have said there is not enough interest to run either the dance or music A level courses. She is determined that, despite this, she is still staying there. Her latest plan is to do Drama, Literature,Physics and Welsh. Which is random, as previously she said she hated learning Welsh and hated science. She wants to be a stage or film director, with dance teacher as her backup career choice.

I can just see it going very badly if she is going to a school in which she is very unhappy and doing subjects in which she has no interest, just because (I think) she doesn't much like change.

AIBU to put my foot down and say "Actually you don't have free choice - you are still a child and you get to choose from the options I agree with - and this is not one of them."? Or should I just let her make her own mistakes?

A btec is more useful than A levels in creative subjects usually, and I wouldn't be surprised if the school dropped drama A level from low interest either.

A btec is more useful than A levels in creative subjects usually

I know. This is sort of the problem. You have the "sensible" choice for her situation and ambitions - and then you have what she has decided to do. Which is completely different. And she is proving very un-amenable to discussing the subject. Which is why I have begun to feel it is either "let her do what she wants" or "put your foot down and dictate what she should do". Both of which seem bad solutions. And hence my OP.

I wouldn't be surprised if the school dropped drama A level from low interest either.

Well, that would make life simpler, but I don't think it will happen. Her year group are very dramatic(!) and the school have a great reputation for drama (one of the main draws to her staying I think are the school shows). They run courses if they have 5 pupils, I think, (which apparently is the normal size of the literature class. Only 2 have chosen music as a potential A level this year, but dd knows of about 10 who have put drama down as a possible.)

don`t forget for schools and 6th forms its bums on seats for £££ funding. So the school will be "encouraging" her to stay on!!

if i were you.....Id let her have a year out to sort herself mentally, concentrate on the dancing and teaching there as she loves it anyway. Let her find her happy place. Then this time next year without the schools pressure look at everywhere for A levels/ B tech? By then she`s off the education treadmill so to speak and may see education a bit differently? during this time encourage independance (using the bus etc?). Then a college further away isnt so daunting!

she`ll be that bit older, wiser and mentally better? she can still keep her friendships going as well. Let her grow up so to speak and then maybe she can embrace the ideas of education eleswhere ?

6th form is completely different to school and my ds who hated school but didn't come up with any alternatives, absolutely loved 6th form and did really well in A levels and is now doing really well at uni.

Let her choose

dh is a teacher and he often says some kids are just "done" at 16 with education! theyve grown out of it. Theyre ready to work even. further education is just not right for them. my sister was one of those. But many kids are encouraged or made to do education they don`t want (and do badly!).

In a way it is a shame. She is very bright, and all through primary school was very enthusiastic and a really conscientious and hard working student. I have more than one school report saying that "Oakdaughter always puts 100% into everything she does". But secondary school has just not been right for her. It saddens me, that loss of love of learning.

I am also a great believer in "You don't have to do education right away" though. I didn't start my degree until I was 37, having not done A levels at all. So I am very aware that there are many routes through life, and they don't all have to be GCSEs at 16, A levels at 18, graduate at 21. I have strongly encouraged her to pursue her dreams of dance and acting if that is what she wants, because if it doesn't work out she can go back to uni at any time to take a degree in, I dunno - archaeology - and start a different career. But dance in particular is something you need to do young if you are going to do it.

I have had another brainwave, though. Nothing like threads like this to help you to think around a problem. My eldest is 22, and he stayed at school to do A levels. He failed his AS levels twice, before allowing me to persuade him to enrol on a BTEC course. He now has a scholarship to a good university. So I might hand over the conversation to him - or at least get him to talk through the goods and bads of the school versus college experiences.

In the end I don't mind what she does - A level, BTEC, school, college, none of the above. It doesn't really matter. But I do want her to be able to do her best and enjoy whatever it is she ends up doing.

Let her choose dont force your view
Present the options visit the options.
And let her know or remember as others said she can rethink and restart in a year if it doesnt work out.
More young people than you think restart or do three years on sixth form or equivalent because of changing mind or having to restart
She will get there

Is the Welsh Bac a consideration?

DC school says it's compulsory at A-level, most sixth forms seem to say this, but it may not be at local collage -and DD has hated it enough at GCSE and spoken to enough sixth formers she knows to know at her school it doesn't get better.

www.walesonline.co.uk/news/education/colleges-woo-students-promise-wont-14533480

The possiblity of avoiding it at A-level has increased DD interest in looking around at the nearby colleges. It might something to look into anyway.

16+ reached the age of making conscious decisions, therefore, you should allow them to pick their own path on what they would like to do which will ultimately give them responsibility.

good point OP at her brother chatting to her? just informally just to get another viewpoint?

How would she feel about a year off to concentrate on dance/ teaching? mental health and giving the academic side a break? can she help out at a dance school/ amdram group or something for experience as well as part of a year out? would help in independance, adult world a bit, learning to accept changes in life etc a bit? doing what she loves. And that would look good on a cv ;)

good to see OP that you`re open to anything!

Ahaha! Interesting!

The college quoted is actually our local college.

I actually quite like the Welsh Baccalaureate in principal - my son did it at A level and had to organise a fund raising event among other things. He developed all sorts of team working skills that astounded him (and me). But no question it is hugely unpopular - and pointless in a "will this help me get into uni" sense.

also gives her breathing space to really consider education options which could be visits to places like colleges and 6 th forms in the area in a less intense way over the period of a year.