never used contracption

[TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY]

a incident happened today in our home education group that i had to put my bit in as i was getting very pissed off even though it didn't involve me

these names are pretend

sue just had her 8th baby at 44 last week,she has 4 under 4 already so this is the 5th under 4, the other 2 are 9,11 and 15 (these have a different father(not that it matters)

for reference lisa had a 4 and 8 y old and is 33

sue is very laid back and would be descried as a hippy vegan type of family ,lisa is very controlling and thinks she knows everything about anything

ive had a few goes at her before as she has tried to take over(i help run it with 3 others) a few times and me being me(i take no shit off anyone,hence my name) so she gets my back up anyway

conversation went like this

lisa said i guess your done now then hey?(with a smerky tone) sues reply was well we dont use any thing so if i get pregnant i get pregnant

lisa was horrified that she just doesn't use anything at all and was getting quite heated about how irresponsible that is and as she has so many under 4 she need to rethink as if you carry on with that attitude you can still be going till early 50s you know and be having one every 9 months,she then started listing the different types you could be using and im on the 5 year injection dont you know

i let it go on a while with out butting in as i was holding the newborn but lisa was getting awful nasty on how irresponsible sue was so me being me i pipped up well as your poking your nose in and being very judgmental and quite nasty and very out of order(sue was in tears) if you must know we have never ever used any form of contraception either and will never plan to and im 39 and been having sex since i was 18

background i have 2 kids 15 and 9 but ive never ever had any periods(not even a first) due to severe PCOS and dormant overies

both kids were tried for,1st took 5 years before i caught(no medical help) 2nd 4 years of the strongest fertility tablets and fortnightly scans,i was 2 weeks off starting the ivf process when i found out i was pregnant

i met my partner at 18 him 17 neither have ever done anything sexual with any one else and as i thought i was infertile(told at 17)we have never had the need to use anything as if i ever got pregnant it would be very welcomed(wont say miracle as im a atheist)

we have been together just over 20 years

lisa just couldn't wrap her head around the fact that at 39 i have never been on any type of pill or used a condom in our life and ive only ever had the one man/partner

she left not long after as she could she she overstepped the mark
sue was very thankful i stepped in

so am i alone on this?or are we really a one off?there must be other couples like us out there

I dont believe you're alone. People use temperature method for example and simply avoid the time shortly prior to and during ovulation. Others use withdrawal. Others will be in a similar position to you where falling pregnant would be a very welcome but unexpected surprise so don't use contraception.

I'd have thought you'll be massively in the minority though.

It's nice you stood up to Lisa though. Regardless of people's opinions on contraception it sounds like she was being a bit of a bully.

My late mother (devout Catholic) used the rhythm method. At some point she quite decided she’d like a baby and boom! that was it, pregnant. Happened with both me and my brother.

However, this was the 1970s and whilst not unique, I suspect she may have been in the minority even then.

I know a couple of people who don't use contraception - one because she hates the idea of it (she is quite a boho type, too). I don't think that can be that unusual. I also know a couple who I know very rarely have sex (I know the wife and she's not terribly happy about it, but it is what it is). They don't use contraception because it's literally once in a blue moon and she wouldn't mind getting pregnant.

That's the direct answer to what you asked, for me.

But reading your post, I do think you were maybe being a bit unfair? I can see it was rude of your friend to push her views on family planning, and I think it was nice of you to step in if you could see your other mate getting upset.

But it's not fundamentally offensive to have a belief that limiting family size is a good thing, whether that's for eco reasons or whatever else. And I think maybe you're bringing your understandably traumatic history into it, and that's making you feel as if this friend has said something much more offensive than she did?

It sounds as if, as soon as your friend understood why this was so emotive for you, she left - so maybe she does realise she hit a nerve badly?

I think it is a good that you stood up for Sue, as Lisa was being a bully.

But, Im afraid fundamentally I do think Sue is irresponsible. In the world we are in witht he resources we have, no-one has the right to just keep pushing out babies.
I have 3, and I do feel guilty that i have 3.

I don't ever comment in real life, but I do think having 8 kids is not a good idea.

I have known a lot of couples who use natural rhythmn method because of deeply held beliefs. Those couples do typically have lots of children - 5 or more. Often 8 or 9.
Their attitude is that if it happens it is a blessing.

I also know 3 different couples who presumably don't use any contraception as they are can't have children. One already knew aged 15, as she had had cancer treatment, the others found out when they couldn't have kids, so I presume they used contraception in their early years.

But I think there are very few couples in the same position as you, and I really don't think you can equate your situation with Sues.

and I must say, those women who use rythmn method, usually have 4-5 kids, then a gap and then an unexpected extra, and then another unexpected extra a few years later. Those last couple of kids seem to tip them from big family, to worn out and exhausted. Having a toddler when you have a 20 year old is hard work.

I can’t say I discuss contraception with everyone I meet but I have only ever met one person in a similar situation as you and she got pregnant unexpectedly 2 weeks into a new job role as she assumed her PCOS meant she wasn’t able to conceive. I assume she used it after that though!