Or is not remembering no excuse

[ACupOfTeaSolvesEverything]

DP has cognitive function issues that have come on in the last couple of years. He’s sometimes confused or forgetful. He’s always been disorganised and distractible - we all have ADHD in our house so I get that. However this cognitive decline is driving me crazy, he’s forgetting things like paying bills, half the shopping and everyday conversations, or sometimes he does things twice. He loses his keys/vape/phone/wallet several times a day. I don’t see why he can’t write himself post it notes or a list, use the designated spot for personal items like keys/wallet and also an apology would be good when the consequence happens e.g. “oh sorry love I just have forgotten” rather than a defensive “well I thought I’d done it” or “I didn’t see it under all that stuff”(that he had put on top of it a moment earlier).
Am I being a grumpy unreasonable cow? Or could he be a bit more understanding of the effect his chaotic brain has on me?

Before anyone jumps in with “he’s forgetting on purpose LTB” he’s not. He also forgets things that impact him and not me at all plus I’ve sat with him in doctor’s appointments, hospitals and for blood test results.

The thing is, now he’s come out the other end of the booze he’s back to the lovely man he used to be. Just with after effects from what he did to himself :(

I think maybe there are other issues around this - Do you still love him, does he love you? Does he treat you well, cherish you and is he thoughtful towards you? Are the two of you a good team? Is he a good father?

Because if the relationship is unhappy or overwhelmingly not a positive one, perhaps it’s time to consider whether or not you should be together.

Crossposted. I guess that answers my question.

Have you actually communicated with him, clearly, about how his actions make you feel? Have you asked him to thank you, and explained how it makes you feel when he takes your help for granted?

You are not unreasonable to be utterly frustrated with his unwillingness to engage in behavioural changes that might help or at least slow down deterioration.

This sounds really difficult. But it does sound like it's getting more extreme. Have you considered dementia? It's isn't only old people who get it. The marble run comment doesn't sound normal. I may be way off track but a visit to GP might be sensible. There are better medications that slow it down if god forbid that it were the case.

Do you still love him, does he love you? Does he treat you well, cherish you and is he thoughtful towards you? Are the two of you a good team? Is he a good father?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, usually, no I do most of everything and he tries but he and DS aren’t that close although they get on ok.

Sorry I read op more slowly and realise that he has issues causing cognitive decline and GP is already on it

Have you actually communicated with him, clearly, about how his actions make you feel? Have you asked him to thank you, and explained how it makes you feel when he takes your help for granted?

Yes and he then thanks me for and tells me he loves me.

But that’s different - he’s doing that because you’ve asked him to. Surely he can still understand that the point at which you do something for him is the time to thank you?

Maybe as others have said he’s in denial/scared and saying thank you underlines he’s getting help. He’s not really one to talk about this kind of thing easily, more of a slap on a smile and get on with it kind of guy.